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Author Topic: Worried and having anxiety
Akio_T
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Hi everyone,

I've been worrying about my situation a lot for nearly 6 weeks and I'm trying to find ways to calm myself down since there was hard evidence. Sorry if its a long post to read because I've been going through a lot. Though, I read most of your articles that you guys linked up. Especially, the "Pregnancy Scared?" article and the "Chicken Soup for the Pregnancy Freakout's Soul" article.

So here's my situation: On the last week of August, it was finals week at my university and I was stressing about my term papers. On August 30th, my girlfriend came over to my house so she can help me finish my term paper. After 10 minutes, we started fooling around to the point we just have our underwear on. Then we started to have dry sex (underwear to underwear contact) and at certain times, I performed manual sex on her (fingering). Plus, there was no vaginal penetration throughout this scenario (and she's still a virgin). I do wipe my hands against the bed sheets before I do the fingering. After that, we continued to dry hump. I noticed that I have a small wet spot on my boxer brief (it was my pre-cum) and also noticed that my girlfriend's panties were wet. There was one time that her panties slipped a bit and exposed a little bit of her vulva after I dry humped her, but i fixed it and continued to dry hump her. Then after that, she gave me a handjob and I ejaculated upon myself (all over my abdominal area). I wiped off the load completely as well as washing my genitals. She also washed her hands and rinsed her genitals as well. We finished a bit of my term paper and 3 hours later before she left my house, we started doing the same process as I mentioned before, but with most of our clothes on (and I ejaculated on myself and cleaned up again). A week after this incident, I started to worry a bit on what I did with her because there was pre-cum on my boxer brief and did a lot of google searches online about pregnancy symptoms and what to expect during a week-by-week basis ( I know its stupid of me to do google searches since it increases the scare, but I was too curious). I asked my closest friends as well as my older brother about my incident (My friends were in riskier situation I was in since they all did actual, unprotected penetrative sex). They all say that I have no pregnancy risks or whatsoever. 11 days after the incident, my girlfriend had a doctor's appointment (September 10th) so she can receive her HPV vaccine. From what I read in most research articles and heard from people, they perform a urine pregnancy test before receiving the vaccine. My girlfriend's pregnancy results turned out negative and received her vaccine (this was her second one). After hearing her receiving the vaccine and the negative pregnancy result, I was relieved at that point. 3 days later on September 13th, she started her period like usual (it was her expected week since her last period lasted from August 15th-19th, but it suppose to start on September 12, but it got delayed by one day since I'm gonna assume that its the after effects of the HPV vaccine). It started spotting (dark brown spotting) for a bit at first then a lot more blood came out an hour later. The following day, she had a heavy flow following a mild cramp in her abdominal area then the next few days started to get lighter and lighter (ended on September 17th). From that point on, I was pretty relieved. On the evening of September 27th, my girlfriend started to feel queasy and felt like having a fever..though, she told me that she was reading too much and thinking a lot. Plus, she was lying down on her belly while reading. At that point, I started to freakout like crazy...then I started to ask her all these pregnancy symptom-related questions. She got really annoyed and told me that she's not pregnant since she didn't have any of the symptoms (since the incident) aside from the dizzy spell she just got. My girlfriend also added that she has hard evidence that she isn't pregnant. After a few days, I started to worry a lot more than usual to the point I couldn't focus in school. Then I started to get paranoid about every small thing such as my girlfriend using the bathroom at a certain time span and her getting tired at certain times of the day. I started feel like my whole life is falling apart since I keep over-thinking all sorts of things about the incident such as I might have some left-over sperm on my pre-cum (I had a wet dream the night before). Also, the "what if" phrase keeps lingering in my mind and I'm trying to shake that off. Yesterday, a storm of stress and anxiety about the incident came upon me to the point that I started thinking to myself that I don't know myself anymore.

Like I said earlier, I've read your articles...and its somewhat helping, but the anxiety still clouds over me. I'm a hard-working student achieving the degree I desired...and I'm not ready to have a family yet. I just really regret on doing something foolish on that day.

I just really need help on getting rid of this stress/anxiety about the incident! There's hard evidence that my girlfriend isn't pregnant, but I don't know why I can't shake it off...Plus, her period is coming up this week...and I'm really worried that she'll miss it. Please help me.

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Robin Lee
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Hi Akio_T and welcome to Scarleteen,

You've said that the articles are helpful. Is there any information that you feel as if you're missing?

A lot of times when people experience the type of overwhelming, all-consuming anxiety you're talking about, there's something more going on. Are there other things going on in your life or in your relationship that could be contributing to this? Have you experienced this level of anxiety before about anything?

--------------------
Robin

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Akio_T
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Well I was just wondering about my incident, am I safe at this point?? I know it may be answered many times before, its just that I want an answer from someone like you guys. And I'm just fretting about it a bit too much.

And yes, there are a lot of things going on in my life such as school. I'm really working hard to get my Anthropology degree and this is my last year of school since I'm expected to graduate on June 2013.

My parents always lecture me about the choices in life. Even my girlfriend is experiencing the same thing from her parents. Both of our parents are pretty strict on us having a child during our school time and consequences will be severe. Their lectures puts a lot pressure on me and it kind of heightens the scare I still have. Plus, I've talked to my girlfriend about staying away from these sexual acts since its scaring me to death since the incident..We also agreed that we'll resume these acts when we're actually ready.

I've already experience all types of anxiety before, but its mostly school-related. But for this incident, not at this level. This one is way too overwhelming.

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Akio_T
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One more thing I forgot to add, there are times I burst into tears since the incident. I never experienced anything like that before from the other anxiety attacks. I can't believe I'm a grown man crying about this.

[ 10-07-2012, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: Akio_T ]

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Robin Lee
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Well, it certainly does sound like you've got lots of pressure from your family to not have a child right now, which would heighten your stress about it.

How about we try this? Based on what you read in the "Pregnancy Scared" article (reread it again if you need to) what do you think the answer is? You detailed everything above in a very clear, organized way. Given the facts you've presented, and what you've read in the article, what does the "hard evidence" tell you?

--------------------
Robin

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Akio_T
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Yeah, you can tell how pressured I am. Anyways, stating from the article:

"Have you not had any kind of sex at all (and were not sexually assaulted), but are worried because of something like touching a partner's hand then touching yourself, or using a towel that may have had dried semen on it? These kinds of scenarios do NOT pose risks of pregnancy. Sperm and ovum need specific conditions in which to co-create a pregnancy, and these ain't them."

"Were you only kissing, having oral sex, manual sex and/or dry sex, where everyone had clothes on and no one ejaculated on or very near anyone else's vulva? These kinds of sex do NOT present any pregnancy risks, though some can present risks of STIs."

Comparing these scenarios to my situation, it seems like what I did does NOT pose any pregnancy risk since both my girlfriend and I are wearing underwear (about 2 layers of clothing; though, my boxer briefs is reinforced with 2 layers of cotton) and I ejaculated onto myself (not on her) while she gave me a handjob. Plus, I did a bit of searching around your message boards and found a handful of people who have a similar situation like mine. I read that pre-cum that's in the underwear doesn't pose a high risk of pregnancy even if i didn't urinate before performing these sexual acts. My underwear absorbs pre-cum (and moisture) and sperm don't last that long within that environment since actual semen needs to be present and comes in full contact within the vagina, near the cervix, or on the vulva itself. I also read on few other post that it takes a lot to get a woman pregnant like millions of sperm (in actual semen) has to be present inside the vagina or on the cervix in order for that one sperm to reach the egg. Basically, a push-through type of journey.

Plus, regarding about my girlfriend's negative pregnancy result (which happened a week and 4 days after the incident) from receiving the HPV vaccine in the clinic and the normal period that week, I read that it takes about 7-11 days for the fertilized egg to be implanted onto the uterus ever since the day we "did it." So in other words, none of that happened. I also just recognized that I did it with her on her ovulation week (it was her last day of ovulation so it might be a low fertility rate). So it seemed like she didn't get pregnant at all. Also, I heard some cases that the 2nd HPV vaccine she received is really potent that it damages the cells on the cervix and the uterus, which might cause her to be infertile for awhile.

I may be overanalyzing it a bit too much that it freaked me out like no tomorrow, but I'm just drawing out what I got from the incident for the past several weeks. Plus, those typical symptoms that she's been receiving that I've been getting paranoid about: her getting tired at times, that one day she had a dizzy spell, the time span when she goes to the restroom to urinate, and her eating a lot. She told me that it happens to her on a daily basis even before the day we did it. Since its been nearly 6 weeks she didn't pose any PMS-ing/preganancy like symptoms such as sore/tender breasts, constant cramping, vomiting, or mood swings.

I'm sort of afraid if she doesn't receive her period this week, which should start on Thursday or Friday. I don't know, I might be freaking over nothing, but most likely it will come since her periods are regular; though, there are times she misses it due to stress or other things.

I'm doing what it takes to get rid of this huge anxiety attack that I've never experienced before, but correct me if I'm wrong on any of these parts.

[ 10-08-2012, 12:26 AM: Message edited by: Akio_T ]

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Karybu
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quote:
Comparing these scenarios to my situation, it seems like what I did does NOT pose any pregnancy risk since both my girlfriend and I are wearing underwear (about 2 layers of clothing; though, my boxer briefs is reinforced with 2 layers of cotton) and I ejaculated onto myself (not on her) while she gave me a handjob.
You're absolutely right. Really, that's all the information you need right there - when she ovulated and her having the second HPV shot are pretty much irrelevant, because there wasn't a risk to start with, regardless.

[ 10-07-2012, 11:58 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Akio_T
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Oh okay...Thanks Karybu...At least its a good thing that there's no risk that my girlfriend is pregnant. Plus, I'm trying to accept the fact that she's just showing regular PMS-like symptoms since her period is due this week. She's kind of upset at me right now since I've been freaking out over nothing and asking her all these pregnancy symptom questions. Right now, I'm just finding ways to cure my anxiety and paranoia. This is where I need help. I already talked to my friend who's a psychology major about my problem and she's telling me some ways to get rid of my anxiety. I might consult with a professional if my anxiety/paranoia doesn't secede. Plus, my friend dealt with some people who went through the same thing I've went through, but their situation is somewhat worse than mine.
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Saffron Raymie
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Often, when we feel super worried about about something we're doing, that's our bodies' way of telling us that we just aren't ready to do that thing. Do you think that's possible in your case?

Our Sex Readiness Checklist may help you out, and you can find that here:

Sex Readiness Checklist

And recognising when we need to see out professional help with anxiety is a really huge, sensible step to take, and a great part of caring for ourselves. Good on you! [Smile]

[ 10-10-2012, 08:16 AM: Message edited by: Rei ]

--------------------
~ Saffy
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To my Abuser: I'm seeing stars. I bet you can't do that.

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Akio_T
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Thanks Ray for that article...As I mentioned before, I've already talked to my girlfriend that we should stop these sexual acts until we're ready since this incident really freaked me out. I've done some sexual-related things before, but I don't know why this one scares me the most.

Anyways, I left out one detail and its a serious one. Last Saturday evening, the anxiety, paranoia, and stress of the incident took over me and I was on the verge of committing suicide. It was up to the point that I couldn't handle things anymore. When I left my girlfriend's apartment, I got into my car and I was prepared to type my last text message to everyone who I'm close to; especially, my family. On my rear-view mirror, I saw my girlfriend running towards my car. She knew something is wrong. She asked me "what's wrong? Is something bothering you?" Then I told her that nothing is wrong. I started to think about my stupid suicidal plan and how much its going to affect my friends and family. So I realized that I was going to kill myself over nothing since there was no risks to begin with.

If my girlfriend didn't ran out to me, I wouldn't be here today. I thank her for stopping me.

[ 10-10-2012, 10:54 AM: Message edited by: Akio_T ]

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Robin Lee
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HI Akio_T,

With that level of anxiety, where it gets to be self-destructive, it's really important to seek help from a doctor, counsellor, or both.

Are you still in college?

--------------------
Robin

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Saffron Raymie
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Sorry, Akio_T, I missed you saying you were taking a break from sex for now; that's a very sound idea.

If you do happen to have suicidal thoughts again, please call the suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

Would you like us to help you find a counsellor to help with your anxiety? If so, can I have you zipcode to look that up? (If you don't want to post it, you can email it to me at raeATscarleteenDOTcom).

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~ Saffy
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To my Abuser: I'm seeing stars. I bet you can't do that.

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Akio_T
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Thanks guys for putting in your input. And yes, I'm still in college. I've mentioned before that I'm a university student working hard to achieve my degree.

Just a few hours ago, I've consulted with a psychologist in my university's mental health center. I've talked to her about my situation and came up with ways or some therapy to manage my anxiety and stress. Its helping quite a bit, but if the fear comes back, I might have to call them up and schedule another appointment with them.

[ 10-10-2012, 06:41 PM: Message edited by: Akio_T ]

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Akio_T
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At this point, my girlfriend didn't get her period yesterday which heighten up my anxiety. Though, most likely she'll get it today. The fear is coming back. Her last period was September 13-17th which is 2 weeks after the incident and the one before the incident was on August 15th-18th (or 19th). I'm just scared if she misses this one. I don't know if I made the biggest mistake in my life. I just wish this scare is all a dream.

[ 10-12-2012, 10:04 AM: Message edited by: Akio_T ]

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Akio_T
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My girlfriend didn't get her period for the past few days...she's telling me that its delayed. I just don't get it, she had a normal period 2 weeks after the so-called risk and tested negative for pregnancy upon receiving the Gardasil vaccine on that same week. She's not showing any early symptoms since its already been 6 weeks and a few days.

I'm trying not to think about this a lot, but its haunting me.

Aside from stress and other things that causes a late/missed period, does the Gardasil vaccine delay a period?

[ 10-14-2012, 10:11 PM: Message edited by: Akio_T ]

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Robin Lee
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Looking at the time line you listed in your first post, it's been about six weeks since the risk you're concerned about. Two weeks after that she had a period, yes?

Now her period is a few days later than it usually is.


Am I understanding this correctly?

That is not unusual. All sorts of things can delay a period.

perhaps it would help to take a read of this. [Smile]

M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

--------------------
Robin

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Akio_T
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Hey Robin,

Thanks for the article. Now I understand a bit more on what might cause a period to be late or missed. Yeah, she got her period 2 weeks after the risk. It was normal as usual followed with a mild cramping on the second day. Plus, that was her expected week.

As of now, I don't know if she got her period yet. The last time I asked her was on Saturday and at that time, she didn't get it yet. She told me that her periods come when they come. From that article you gave me, it could be the stress she experienced from the last 2 weeks before this expected week. Plus, I also remembered that she had a small quarrel with her mom on the 5th of October. So most likely that it might come from either of those.

On Sunday evening, since I got paranoid about my girlfriend's period not showing up, my anxiety kicked in at high gear again and I talked to my girlfriend and my sister about the incident. Both of them got annoyed at me for asking questions about the incident since there was no risk to begin with. They're telling to move on and focus on other things. Both of them stated that my anxiety is really ruining my relationship with my girlfriend. It pretty much ended up in an argument from that point until yesterday in the morning. This was really a wake up call to me.

I realized that I'm not doing any good by asking those stupid questions and fretting about it since the answer was already there on front of me. Therefore, I'm not trusting her.

As of now, my anxiety is pretty much gone. I already made it up with my girlfriend (I trust her answer about the incident) and I never mentioned about the incident again. There are times that I might think or speculate about it for a bit, but I fight it back by thinking about the hard evidence/facts that's been given by her and a few people who answered my questions. Including the articles you guys have on here which the evidence and facts that I rely on the most.

[ 10-16-2012, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: Akio_T ]

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Robin Lee
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Hi There,

I'm sorry to hear that the last few days have been difficult, but very glad to hear that you feel you have the anxiety under control.

Remember too that you always have the counselling service at school should you need a neutral party to hear you talk through your anxiety.

--------------------
Robin

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Akio_T
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Yeah, it was difficult. I might have to make an appointment with the school psychologist sometime this week on how to deal with morning anxiety.

But then again, thanks for helping me out.

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Robin Lee
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You're very welcome. [Smile]

--------------------
Robin

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