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Author Topic: Should I take the morning after pill?
soscaredx
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My boyfriend and I mutually masturbated each other last night. Usually when we masturbate each other, it's no worries. The concern of pregnancy just isn't there. Last night, however, I noticed something that he did that was different, and it left me concerned. First, he fingered me with his hands down my pants which is the norm. He always starts with me first. While he was doing this tonight, he kept adjusting himself. Then he would continue to finger me. I assumed that he was adjusting himself over his pants, but now I'm scared that he was rubbing his naked penis and then touching my vagina because I noticed later on that he had his penis out of his pants. I don't know for certain if this happened, but if so, could it cause pregnancy? After he finished up with me, we started to kiss again and that's the moment I saw that his penis was out. We were grinding against each other pretty hard. I know for sure that his naked penis rubbed against my vagina, but at this point, I had my leggings and panties pulled up. If his penis rubbed against my fully clothed vagina, could this put me at risk of pregnancy? He hadn't ejaculated then, but could his pre-cum have seeped through my leggings and panties? I was really wet, and I'm sure that it had soaked through my panties and onto my leggings. After the grinding, I gave him a hand job until he ejaculated. When he actually ejaculated, as usual, he did not do it near my vagina and I had my pants on. From the situations described, do you think that I need to pick up the morning after pill? I'm terrified that some accident occurred without our knowledge and somehow semen or pre-cum seeped through my clothing. When I came home, I noticed that there was a huge wet spot on the outside of my leggings, but I'm thinking that might have been from me. I'm also terrified that if I took EC, it would screw up my period, and then if it didn't come due to the EC, I might freak out and think that I'm pregnant! Please help.

ETA: Forgot to mention this, but there was definitely pre-cum on his penis. When I was giving him a hand job, his penis was a little wet.

[ 02-26-2012, 10:27 AM: Message edited by: soscaredx ]

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Heather
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Can you check this first, please, soscaredx: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?/ubb/get_topic/f/28/t/006958.html

Thanks. [Smile]

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soscaredx
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I've read through the Pregnancy Scared? article and I think that it's safe to assume that pregnancy isn't very likely. But, idk. A lot of things happened last night that I'm not entirely sure of. I'm just re-thinking things and kind of scaring myself. In your opinion, do you think I've had a risk? Also, if I decided to take EC, would that screw up my period? I should be starting sometime around the first week of March... I'm scared that if I take EC, and it delays my period or something, that I'll freak out and think that I'm pregnant.
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Heather
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Well, let's address what you ARE sure of.

Do you feel sure, or not, that you did NOT have any DIRECT genital-to-genital contact, where both your genitals were directly rubbing against each other or there was any intercourse?

What about DIRECT contact between his fluids and your vulva?

If you feel sure those things did not happen, then you can know there were not pregnancy risks. If you feel sure one or both of them did, or don't know if they did (in which case we should talk about why you don't know), then you may have had a risk, as well as STI risks, and if you want to reduce the pregnancy risk, EC is the way to do that.

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soscaredx
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I'm almost 100% positive that there was no direct genital to genital contact, and I am almost 100% positive that his fluids didn't come in contact with my unclothed genitals. I guess I'm more concerned with fluid exchange through my pants since there was a huge wet spot on them right over my vaginal opening that I am not sure came from him or me. Or that somehow his pre-cum or semen made its way over my pants and into them somehow... He and I have always avoided his penis touching anywhere near my vagina, whether I had on pants or not. It was an accident. And if that accident occurred (which I would not have even known about had I not looked down) then I'm just thinking about any other accidents that could have happened without my me noticing.

Also, I was just reading on a website that if you're ovulating, EC doesn't do anything... I think that I might be ovulating right now due to an increased amount of vaginal discharge. So that might not even be an option for me.

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Heather
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Pregnancy can't happen through pants.

It's also not true that EC is not effective if someone is ovulating. Like other forms of hormonal birth control, it operates in several ways, like thickening cervical mucus and thinning the uterine lining, things just as much an issue with conception as ovulation.

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soscaredx
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Well, that makes me feel a little bit better. I guess that I will think on it, and maybe pick up some form of EC when I get off of work tonight (it would still be within 24 hours) if I keep on having that scared feeling... and if it messes up my period a bit, then I'll just have to deal with it then.

Thank you for all of your help. [Smile]

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Heather
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Have you been able to also talk with your partner about what you do and don't feel comfortable with, and, since it sounds like you're starting a sexual relationship, about what precautions to take when it comes to safer sex and contraception as needed?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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soscaredx
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Talking to my parent's about sex is something that I am not comfortable with. It's just not something that's talked about very much in our house. I've thought about starting birth control, but I'm not sure how to go about getting on the pills. I think what I'll do from now on is get my boyfriend to wear a condom any time his pants are going to be down or his unclothed penis is exposed. I feel guilty for asking him to wear one without having vaginal intercourse, but if I'm not going to be on the pill, and even though I know that if I have on my pants pregnancy isn't anything that I should be worried about, I still get freaked out and I need peace of mind.

And like I said, normally mutual masturbation isn't a big deal, and I don't worry about it. But, with the new things that happened last night (his penis touching my vaginal area over my pants and him adjusting himself - possibly touching his penis - and then fingering me), it's just caused me to over think things.

[ 02-26-2012, 12:26 PM: Message edited by: soscaredx ]

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Heather
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I was asking about your partner, not your parents.

But if you want to find out about contraception, we can help you do that, and that is something you can look into and obtain without your parents if you want. We can also talk about why you feel guilty asking your partner to wear condoms when there is or might be genital contact that isn't intercourse.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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soscaredx
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I'm sorry, I misread. The only thing I've said to him is I do not want to have vaginal sex without being on the pill, even if a condom is used. How could I go about getting on the pill without my parent's knowing? I feel like I'm ready to have sex with my boyfriend (he's the only guy I've really thought about going all the way with and we've been together for a long while and really love each other), but I don't want to have to worry SO much about pregnancy. I know that there is always a risk when having vaginal intercourse, though and no method is ALWAYS 100% reliable.

I don't know why I feel guilty about asking him to use condoms. I'm pretty sure that he would have no problems with it if it would make me feel better, I guess I'm just scared to ask him. I've never really had to have conversations like this with a guy before. He's the only one that I've ever been this far with.

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Heather
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No worries: I typo "parent" instead of "partner" often myself. Needless to say, it's usually a pretty big "Oh, WHOOPS!" [Smile]

You know, it sounds to me like you'd probably do best setting some groundwork before moving further sexually. I mean, if you don't even feel able to talk to him about basics like safer sex yet, and that feels scary, that seems to me to make clear that moving on -- or even continuing -- to other sex is probably moving too fast. Know what I mean?

That said, if that is something you're thinking about as a soon, it's sound to look into contraception now. If you give me an idea of where you're at, I can tell you about how and where to get that kind of healthcare where you are on your own.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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soscaredx
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I would definitely like to look into contraception now. I'm scared that in the heat of the moment, we will get carried away and won't stop where we've been stopping. I am in South Carolina... I don't know how much help that is. Or if you need me to be more specific? I don't mind giving my zip code or my city. I just don't know if it is allowed on these boards?

Also, in my scenario, would you pick up EC? I know you can't give me a definitive answer or anything bc you weren't there. But, given the situation as I've described it, would you consider it? Just to be on the safe side?

[ 02-26-2012, 02:09 PM: Message edited by: soscaredx ]

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Heather
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Well, one thing I'd say is that if either of you feels like you're not able to really make these choices in the moment as you want to, that's another good vote for taking more time to put yourself in the position where you have to, you know?

In this situation, no, I personally don't see a need for EC, but that's really your call.

So, in South Carolina, you might want to start by seeing if a Planned parenthood branch is close to you: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/findCenter.asp?s=SC

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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soscaredx
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I think that I'm going to hold off on EC. I think that it would be a waste of money. I'm just going to wait it out and see if my period comes. Like I said, should start sometime around the 1st week of March. I've kind of calmed down a bit, and unless something crazy happened, I really do not think that I had a legitimate pregnancy risk. I kept wondering if he had touched his bare penis, and then fingered me (when he adjusted himself a few times), but I really don't think that happened. I'm hoping that he wouldn't have been stupid enough to do that. Even then, he would only be transferring over pre-cum, and I'm sure that wouldn't transfer from hand to vagina well. And as far as the wet spot on the outside of my pants goes, I'm pretty sure it was just my fluids seeping through my clothes, and I'm pretty sure that pre-cum couldn't seep through his clothes and my clothes and get into my vagina. So. I'm going to try and quit freaking out and concentrate on getting contraception so that in the future, I can have peace of mind.

Also, I just looked at the Planned Parenthood site, and I am a good ways away from the 2 clinics in SC...

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Saffron Raymie
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Sperm cells - whether they're in pre-ejaculate or ejaculate, don't transfer from hand to vagina at all. They can't survive on hands.

The wet spot on your pants could have been vaginal fluids or pre-ejaculate - but even if it WAS pre-ejaculate, the sperm cells still cannot travel though pants at all. Pre-ejaculate can get pants wet, sure - but the cells inside the pre-ejaculate are way to delicate to get through pants, no matter how wet those pants are. Does that make sense?

Also, no; sperm cells can't travel through clothing - so they won't have gone through both your clothing and his.

Sorry about the distance from Planned Parenthood; bummer. If you'd like to post your zip code, I can see if there's an indie clinic in your area that also opperates on a sliding scale. If you don't feel comfy posting that, you can email it to me at raeATscarleteenDOTcom.

I'll also have a look on our Find a Doc tool for you.

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Saffron Raymie
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Also, is using public health an option for you?

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soscaredx
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That makes perfect sense. It also makes me feel SO much better about my decision to pass on EC. Yeah, I wish that we had Planned Parenthood, but I live in a smaller city. My zip code is 29626. This might sound stupid, but what do you mean by public health?
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Karybu
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Public health clinics are clinics funded by the government that serve people who don't have access to other medical care for any reason. Like Planned Parenthood, they operate on a sliding scale, so you pay what you can afford. It looks like the closest one to you is the Anderson Public Health Office:
220 McGee Road
Anderson, S.C. 29625
Phone: 864-260-5541

The others in your area are listed here: http://www.scdhec.gov/health/region1/clinics.htm

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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soscaredx
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Thank you guys so much [Smile] ... I think I'll give them a call and try and head up there on one of my days off this coming week and hopefully I can talk to someone about birth control options. I just want to be protected in case we get caught up in the moment some day.
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soscaredx
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Just an update: This past Friday, I called the Anderson Public Health Office. The lady who answered transferred my call to another lady. The second woman that I talked to told me that I would have to call back sometime next week from 8:30-9... which I though was kind of weird. But, I'm planning to give them a call tomorrow morning and see if they can set me up with an appointment sometime this week.

I have definitely learned from my mistakes with this situation. I have seen my bf since the risk, but we've slowed it down a lot until I can get on BC and until I feel ready to move forward.

According to some period tracker online, I'm supposed to start tomorrow. But I'm not feeling any symptoms that would indicate a period is coming. So, I'm pretty freaked out about that. But, hopefully, I'll start sometime tomorrow... or sometime soon. Wish me luck lol. I would say that I would take a home pregnancy test (just to give me comfort)... but it's only been 8 days. So, that's out.

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Saffron Raymie
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You haven't had a risk here, soscaredx; so you won't be pregnant.

I'm afraid there's a lot of waiting involved with Public Health; I hope you can get the BC you want very soon!

Remember that cycles are very unique and vary from one month to another; so you can't really trust any kind of online period tracker. Some months we have a 28 day cycle; some months it can be a 36 day cycle, some months it can be 33; some 30. A regular menstrual cycle can vary month by month between 28 and 36 days. Here's some more info on that: Talking Menstruation with Toni

Periods can also vary for a whole host of reasons. Here's some more on that, too: M.I.A: or Dude, Where's my Period?. Obviously you can ignore the pregnancy part - because you've had no risk of pregnancy at all.

[ 03-05-2012, 05:39 AM: Message edited by: Saffron Reimi ]

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soscaredx
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I'm sitting here in tears. [Frown]

My mom hates my boyfriend because of the family he comes from. He acts nothing like his family. He's a genuinely sweet guy. But, she just sees his mom, who drinks, and his sister who got pregnant in high school. She's telling me that I can't have him over at our house anymore. She was yelling about how I can go over to his house and do whatever I want with THOSE PEOPLE and have sex with him over there or whatever I want to do like a whore.

On top of that, I still haven't got my period. I'm on day 30 of my cycle. I've just got so much stress on me right now, and I can't really talk to any family about all this, and I feel weird talking to my friends about it all.

I just feel like everything is going wrong right now for me. I just want to be treated like a young adult and I want the decision that I make (that might be different than what my parent's think is right for me) to be respected.

I'm sorry to keep posting... I'm just scared to death when I really probably shouldn't be and having such a shitty day.

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Saffron Raymie
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I'm sorry you've had to wait with this, soscaredx. You can post to us as much as you like; we're here to listen. Big hugs to you about feeling so crappy and the things that are happening at home - I understand how awful we feel when a loved one is unsupportive of our choice of partner, and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

It's most likely your period is taking it's time because of all this stress; but you might just be having a longer cycle, too.

Sometimes, when our loved ones wind up being unsupportive about our personal, well-thought out sexual choices - we end up feeling even more anxious that we would if we had parental support for those choices, if you know what I mean?

Providing what you're doing is legal, and your relationship isn't unhealthy or abusive (you can check those things out here and here), you get to make your own choices about when to be sexual and with whom.

Calling you names like 'whore' really isn't okay; is this something that happens in your house often?

Believe me, I know how much hearing this sucks, but I'm afraid as your mom owns the house, it always winds up being her right to say who comes in. I was in the same position you're in as a teen, so I understand how fustrated and powerless that can make you feel.

Do you think, when everything is calmer, you can have a talk with your mom about how your boyfriend isn't like his family, and that you feel your choice of partner is your best possible one, and say why you think so? Perhaps you can also ask her why she's so worried about your choices? If it's your boyfriend's sister's pregnancy your mom's worried about; do you think it might be worth explaining to her that pregnancy is not something you're interested in right at this moment; that in fact, you're waiting on appointment to get a reliable form of BC sorted?

Another option may be to move out of your mom's. Is that a possibility at all for you, in the near future?

[ 03-07-2012, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: Saffron Reimi ]

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soscaredx
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Oh, it's okay... And thank you so much. Your support means so much to me...

I think maybe it's the stress that's holding off my period. I started looking back, and I have had a 30 day cycle within the past 4 months... So, yeah. I don't ALWAYS have a 28 day one. I think I'm still just freaking myself out. I mean... I'm almost positive that he urinated before the whole thing started, so that would have had to flush out the sperm that could have been left. But I know for sure that while he was fingering me, about 3 times he took the same hand he was fingering me with and touched his penis. And I know that he produces pre-cum. And immediately after touching himself, he would continue to finger me. It just didn't register with me at the time. I just feel so stupid for not telling him not to do that. He would have had I asked him to... I hate to keep bringing all of this back up to, because I know that I really didn't have a pregnancy risk to begin with... I'm just so stressed out!

Our relationship is definitely legal, as I am over 18, and he's only 2 years older than me. And it is definitely not abusive (verbally or physically) at all.


I know it's not okay that she calls me that. I mean. It's not something that happens often at all. It's just that Mom was raised in a house that absolutely did not talk about sex or sexuality. It was all kind of hush hush, and I think she doesn't feel comfortable talking about that kind of stuff and that kind of stuff happening around her. IDK. It's just an odd situation. Mom is great, she just doesn't understand that I'm a young adult.

I've tried to have this talk with her about my boyfriend. She just won't listen. She talks about him and makes fun of him non-stop... As if that's going to make me start thinking bad about him. And I've tried many times to tell her that I am in no way interested in having kids right now. It just wouldn't be a possibility. And there is NO way I could tell her I'm waiting on an appointment to get birth control. If she were to ever find out that I was on that before I was married, especially with who I'm with, I would never hear the end of it.

Honestly, right now I don't think there's any way that I could move out. I'm only working a part-time job, and I'm about to go back to college to try for my degree, so that means even less hours at work... And I'll be making even less. It's really not bad in my home. I don't live in an abusive environment and my family for the most part is great. They just don't take kindly to things that are different.

Also, sorry for such a long post...

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soscaredx
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I'm sorry to double post, but I just got something else on my mind and wanted to talk it through... Even if he had of had fresh pre-cum on his fingers, when he put his hands back into my pants to continue to finger me, some of it would have rubbed off (probably the majority of it) on the inside of my pants before he could start to finger me. Right?

So, if I think of it that way... There is really no way I could have had a legit pregnancy risk. I mean, there wasn't even any actual ejaculate involved and his penis did not touch my vagina except when I had my pants and panties up.

I've read all of the stuff that you have on periods, as well as post after post that people have made who are in similar situations. Honestly, though... I just don't see why my period is so late! I am already on day 32. This just isn't the norm for me. And I still have no symptoms that would tell me that my period is coming... I found some weird, sort of yellow tinged dried discharge in my underwear. I googled it, and it said it could be a sign of pregnancy. I'm also having lower back pain. I'm just so scared. I really don't think that I've had a legit pregnancy risk... but I just don't why my period hasn't came unless I'm pregnant. Maybe because February was a little bit short, that messed up my cycle a bit?

I heard from a friend that if you take Vitamin C with ascorbic acid, it can induce a period. Have you heard anything about that? Or if it's safe?

[ 03-08-2012, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: soscaredx ]

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September
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This article lists some reasons why a period could be late: M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

Also, how do you chart your period?

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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soscaredx
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I normally don't keep up with my periods. Or chart them... I just happened to remember the days that I started on in December and January and in February. I think I had a cycle of 30 days and a cycle of 29 days. So, obviously, I'm not super regular. I just assumed that a 32 day cycle (with still no signs that I'm going to get a period at all) seemed a little odd. And, I've read all through those articles. While they were really informative, the only thing I get from them is that maybe stress (I've been under a lot of stress recently - family stuff and worried about my situation) is the cause of my delayed period. I'm just hoping it comes soon. I've never had to worry about it before... so this is kind of a first.
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September
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It might be a good idea then, for the future, to start charting your cycles. Because two cycles isn't much to go on in terms of predicting this period, so there's no way to really know whether you're late to begin with.

In fact, freaking out about a possible missing period also causes the body stress. So, if you are late, that may well be why.

So, try not to worry so much, alright? And when your period come, you can take this opportunity to start charting, so you'll know more next time around.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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soscaredx
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I'll try not to worry... I know that all of my worrying has been kind of ridiculous. So, thanks for talking me through all of this and putting up with my questions and concerns [Smile] . And hopefully this will all turn out okay for me.
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soscaredx
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Update: Day 33 of cycle. Not really any sign that a period is coming.

Seriously, this is all that I can think about. I'm feeling nauseous all the time. I feel like my boobs are bigger, and that my nipples have a darker ring around them. My abdomen looks bigger to me. I'm still thinking, though, that being so scared has made me hyper aware of every part of my body, and that half of the things that are going on, is all in my head. Surely, I wouldn't have all of these symptoms if I was pregnant. It is just barely been two weeks since my risk. If I were, I'd just barely be pregnant.

I've been second guessing every sexual encounter I've ever had with my boyfriend... Trying to remember if I had any risks with any of those. I know that I've never had direct genital to genital contact with him or anyone for that matter. And he's never ejaculated on or around my body. And I always have my pants on!

Have you ever heard of anyone getting pregnant by fingering with pre-cum? Or getting pregnant without direct genital contact or without a guy ejaculating on a vulva? I just can't get this off of my mind. I've been reading other forums and Yahoo Answers and it's just been scaring me to death. I hate to keep bothering... but I need somewhere that I can talk about all of this until I figure out what's up.

If I am pregnant, what do I do? Can virgins even get abortions? That's really the only option that I have. Neither me nor my boyfriend are stable enough to raise a child. And not only is my mom firmly against my boyfriend and premarital sex, she's also against abortion. There's absolutely no way I could tell her about it. Or anyone in my family.

I know one thing... From now on, I'll be taking absolutely no chances. I can't go through this stress again. And all of this has made me realize that I'm not ready to deal with the consequences of sex. I'm still going to seek out birth control... but I'm not going to have vaginal intercourse for a VERY long time.

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Heather
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Hold up, okay? Let's not go back round in circles, especially with things we've already talked about, or to things it just makes no sense to talk about or where it's clear you're going to worry no matter what we say, or seek out anecdotes that scare you instead of choosing not to seek that stuff out.

Since you clearly can't let these worries go, have you taken a pregnancy test yet?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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soscaredx
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I haven't. Tomorrow will be the 14th day since the risk... From what I've been told, that's the day that you can take a HPT.
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Heather
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Well, think about it this way: if you think you are having these kinds of pregnancy symptoms, and that were true, you'd be WELL PAST the time when you could take a pregnancy test and get accurate results.

So, either you're already pregnant now and well into a pregnancy and that's what all these apparent symptoms are or you're not, and these aren't for real or have nothing to do with a pregnancy. See how that works?

Either way, I really don't think it's sound or useful for us to keep having these conversations about all the what-ifs. I think the best thing, the most -- and potentially only -- useful thing at this point is for you to test and see that negative result right in front of your face.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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soscaredx
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I guess that's true. And maybe some of the things that I've been feeling could be a sign of an approaching period. If I were pregnant, there's no way that I'd be any more than a month pregnant, because I had my period last month and it was totally normal. And we started mutually masturbating each other about three days into my last period. Maybe tomorrow or Sunday I'll try and get a pregnancy test. I was going to try and give it another week or so, just to see if my period showed up, but I don't think that I can that long. This stress has literally consumed me. It's been horrible. I haven't even told my boyfriend yet about all of these worries. I don't want him to think I'm crazy for being so stressed out about this.
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