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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Emergencies and Crises » I can't get help

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Author Topic: I can't get help
val937
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I was sexually abused by a older man when I was 12 but up untill a few days ago I couldn't remember what happened because the guy gave alcohol and I think I blocked most of it out on my own. Sine all of this happened I been haveing a hard time getting over it because I dont have anyone to talk to about it. I tried going to a free concluding center once but was not able to go back because my mother is very strict and does not let me go out alone much. But the other night my mother from mad at me for things she thought I meant and it made me feel like I took 100 steps back with my healing. And the worst part of it is now I remember everything the guy did because I started to have flashbacks and nightmare that would make me have panic attacks. I feel like I'm in some kinda of depression because I don't want to do anything. I have gotten out of bed to do much of anything for 4 days now. I'm not sure what to do because I feel like that last fight I had killed th's little hope I had
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Heather
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It's really hard to basically get whacked in the face with these kinds of memories when you didn't have them or have them clearly for a long time. I completely understand, including because I've been through something similar myself, and holy cats, did it throw my heart, head and life for a spin.

Can we talk about how to get you to some help and support? This is a lot you're going through, and for sure, not something anyone wants to go through alone if they can help it.

That counseling center you went to: did that work for you? Did that feel like a helpful, good place for you? Is it, if you could, somewhere you'd want to go back to?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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Yes I would go back just that one time I went helped me a lot. It's just I really don't wanting to tell my mom and I'm a really bad liar so im kinda stuck
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Heather
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Well, the first thing I'd suggest then is calling them and asking if you can talk with someone about how to work out seeing them. Unfortunately, a lot of counselors and therapists have had to deal with parents being unsupportive of help their kids/teens need, so they may have some strategies for you.

You can also ask if they offer any counseling via phone or Skype. Quite a lot of counselors do anymore.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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By the way, I'd tell them that you are experiencing very profound post-traumatic stress since remembering all of your assault. They will recognize that as a mental health emergency, since it very much is one.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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OK I will and thank you for telling me about this. I had no clue they did things like this.
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Heather
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Sure thing. If you want to let me know how that goes, feel free. If it turns out they can't help or offer any solutions that work, I'm happy to help you keep hunting down others, or thinking up other strategies, so you can get the support you need.

In the meantime, do you at least have a friend or some other family member who you can tell what is going on and get some emotional support?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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No not really. I'm not very close to my family and I lost slot of my friends because they didn't understand why I been so emotional so I kind don't have anyone right now.
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val937
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I tried called the center and they tild me that they cant really help me because I cant come in for counseling. I tried looking some things up online but I'm having little to no luck.
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Heather
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No trouble. Mind sharing your zip code with us so we can look for you tomorrow and see if we don't have better luck?

You can either post it right here, or use the link below that says "contact us" to send it in an email if you prefer.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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It's 92376
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Heather
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Okay, I'll start poking around and report back!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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So, one thing I found was the Riverside Area Rape Crisis Center at (951) 686-7273 or 1(866) 686-7273.

Can you try giving them a call today and seeing what they have to offer?

It sounds like perhaps you and I might also talk about some ways for you to get what you need without your mother's permission or support. Can you give me a bit of a bigger picture about what kind of freedom you have during the day or evenings? Are you asked to stay at home all day, every day, or do you have the ability to leave at least sometimes?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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My mom work at home so I'm never really home alone. And the only place that she let's me go is to the store or mall alone. But lately she has been going with me were ever I go. I could tell her im going to work but than she will know I'm lying because my paycheck.
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Heather
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have you talked with her about being given more freedom for yourself? If so, how did that go? Has she explained why she won't give you any time or space alone?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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I tried but than she gets upset and says that I don't want her around her because I don't like her and things like that.
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Heather
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What kind of relationship do you two generally have? Would you say it's usually a god one? have you been able to work out conflicts together well in the past?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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(Also, does your mother know about the abuse and understand you want some time to get counseling so you can help yourself?)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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Our relationship is not ever good. I don't think I have ever worked out anything with her without her blowing up. And she knows nothing about what happened. I haven't told her because every time she see a story like that on the news she always says it was the girls fault for letting it happened.
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Heather
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I'm so sorry to hear that, and also sorry to hear she doesn't understand that sexual abuse and assault is not the fault of a victim.

So, sounds like this obviously isn't an emotionally safe person for you to tell, nor someone where it's likely you can get some help in getting a little freedom to take care of yourself.

Let's try another tactic, then: what happens when you do say you want to, for example, go to the mall by yourself and head out? Does she follow you?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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No if I say I want to go alone she gets upset and starts to tell me and other members of my family that I never want her around unless I need her for something. I honestly don't know why she is like this. I'm not a bad kid or anything I just feel like she doesn't want me to grow up.
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Heather
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I know, but what happens if you say you want to do something alone and just go and do it? Does this fallout only happen once you get back, or does she follow behind you saying these things?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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It happens most of the time when I get back home and sometimes a little before I leave the house
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Heather
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So, what about making an appointment for counseling and just going?

When you're getting that counseling, you can ask about how to deal with that kind of fallout, and a good counselor can help you with that.

It sounds to me like going without the help and support you need right now is probably going to be worse than dealing with some flack when you come back home. What do you think?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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val937
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Yes that sounds a like a good idea I been like this before but its never been this bad. I will try it and hope everything goes good.
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