posted
I'm a nearly 18 year old (in about two weeks) female and I have been dating a 20 year old male for about a month and a half. We've had sex successfully twice, but lately have been having trouble. He is always horny and wants to fool around, but when it is time to get down to business, he can't seem to stay hard.
This is the break down of our sexual history: - When we met, he was a virgin, I wasn't. He is uncircumsized and six inches long when erect. We always practice safe sex. We both have had issues with depression and anxiety, his is more recent, and I am on medication.
1st Time - The first time we had sex, it was successful and he was able to stay hard the whole time. It lasted approximately 35 or so minutes. Neither of us came. Forplay lasted approximately 20 minutes.
2nd Time - The second time we had sex was also succesful. Neither of us came, but we both were considerably closer. I do not recall how long it lasted (sex and foreplay) but we had been affectionate throughout the course of the day.
3rd Attempt - Our third attempt at having sex is when things became difficult. Foreplay did not last long, he entered me, but became limp after approximately seven minutes. He was extremely upset afterwards and worried about it for a while afterwards.
4th Attempt - Our fourth attempt was also unsuccesful. Foreplay did not last long, he entered me, but became limp after approximately three minutes. He was extremely upset afterwards.
5th Attempt - Our fifth attempt (today) was unsuccessful. We thought our problem was the lack of foreplay, so we built up foreplay much longer (approximately 1 hour) and I wore some lingere for him. He was hard during our foreplay, but then became weak all of sudden when I was giving him oral sex. We tried to revive his erection, both with my oral and manual stimulation and his manual stimulation, but were still unsuccesful.
Now that we've experienced our erectile problems three times, we are both concerned about what is happening. We do not understand why our first two times were successful but the following were not. Should we seek medical advice, keep trying, or try new ways to get him hard/sustain his erection? What is happening? How can we fix it?
Posts: 4 | From: Texas | Registered: Nov 2009
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posted
Someone having issues with erection only a few times in a short period of time falls under totally normal physiology. neither a doctor nor anyone working in sexuality would presume there to be a problem per what you're describing.
In other words, it's normal for this to happen every now and then, or sometimes for a little while, just like it's normal for women to have issues getting or staying fully aroused in this way. Sometimes, our bodies or minds simply aren't up for sex when we want them to be.
depression certainly is something we know often can have a big impact on sexual response. But so can frustration: if your boyfriend is coming to sex all worried this will happen again, and being very bothered by the idea it might, it's more likely to happen. If, on the other hand, he can come to partnered sex recognizing that it's totally okay not to get or maintain an erection -- especially since we have way more than just that part of our body that is or can be sexual, and way more than one part which can satisfy us and partners -- it's less likely to happen.
In a word, I'd suggest you both simply stop fretting about this and trying so hard. It's nothing to worry about, and worrying about it is usually the biggest reason it happens: it's tough for our bodies to respond sexually when we're worried or stressed out, or when we don't accept them as they are.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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So its been a while and things are improving. He can get harder and it lasts a little longer, but he still eventually goes limp.
I had a friend tell me it might be dehydration and that he should drink more water. Is there any validity in that or and other physical factors that could be affecting his erection? I don't think its that he's not comfortable with me or nervous... he's over that and we're ridiculously close in all aspects of it, emotionally, physically, etc....
Posts: 4 | From: Texas | Registered: Nov 2009
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Is he having trouble with erection when masturbating?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63418 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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