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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Gender Issues » Gender and Orientation Confusion

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Author Topic: Gender and Orientation Confusion
Member # 60186

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Hello! This... Well, this feels very awkward for me... How to go about this! Ah! Okay. Hi. My alias is over there, so I would feel redundant for putting it up again. I am fifteen, sixteen in a little over one month. Very excited, needless to say.

Anyway... The reason for this post.

I am not sure what to do... Which I guess is why I'm posting here, but, I'm honestly at a loss. My life began it's slow trip down at the Christmas of my fifth grade year when my father was diagnosed with cancer. I am now a freshman, and, yes, he is still here, but very sick still. It seemed as though life just got harder and harder later on through Middle School, school work smashing down on me as I tucked away the thought of walking home to find my father dead in his bed. I still don't like this thought... I should stop writing stories. They make me descriptive... As freshman year came to an opening, my friends an I were brought to a whole new world. The question of orientation was one of them. Friends had come out to me, some more... Flamboyantly then others. But, that's another story. This back story is getting to long anyway.

I began putting my sexuality onto the pile of things to deal with before quickly shoving it back under the rug along with my father and "friends" that were attempting to twist a knife into my back. I've always acted like a guy, dressed like a guy, talked like a guy, and even interacted with girls like a guy. I haven't, though, been attracted to girls or guys. I've mentioned it to friends, but, despite my talking to them about their preferences, they don't seem to want to talk to me about this. I could just be whining though...

But, I feel like I need to talk about this with someone who will listen. My therapist doesn't really talk to me about it, despite my mentioning it, and the school consolers tend to pay more attention to my friends whose situations are, dare I say, more public then mine. I'm sorry for writing so much, and for bugging you all with this, but I hope I get some response as to what my mind is bringing up. Thank you.

Posts: 3 | From: Memphis, Tennessee | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 50455

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Hey there, and welcome to Scarleteen. First off, you are totally not bugging us or troubling us with your question - this is why we are here!
It sounds like you've had a pretty rough time in your teenage years so far. I'm sorry about that, and I hope things get better for you, soon.

We can't tell you if you are gay or straight or bisexual or asexual, just like we can't tell you what your gender identity is. Only you can know those things, and they can be fluid throughout your whole life.

So the deal might be that, right now, you just aren't too intersted in dating anybody. That's not a problem. You have a lot on your plate and this may be your mind just saying, "dude, don't take on something else right now." It may also be that you are asexual - meaning you aren't interested in other people in a sexual way. That's a totally valid orientation.

What we CAN tell you is that this questioning is totally normal. Lots of people have a rough time figuring out what on earth their sexual orientation might be and, like I said above, it's not like once you realize your gay that that is set in stone; in a few months or a few years some time in your 40s you may realize that you no longer identify that way. That's cool, too.

You also don't have to ever pick a label if you don't want to. You can simply date or not date who you want to, when you want to, without ascribing a label or identity to yourself.

Do you want to give these articles a read and see if they answer any of your lingering questions? And we're happy to talk more about this with you here.

The Bees and...the Bees: A Homosexuality and Bisexuality Primer
Living without Labels
Q is for Questioning

Hey folks, my name is Andrew and I was a mod here for awhile a couple years ago. I'll be here for a couple weeks while Heather is out and the site is even more short-staffed than usual

Posts: 441 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 60186

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Wow! Thank you so much for answering so quickly! I really appreciate it. I'll go right to those articles, thank you~ I'll be sure to pop back in if I have anything else to ask. Once again, thank you so very much!
Posts: 3 | From: Memphis, Tennessee | Registered: Mar 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Star Burton
Member # 94519

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I think you may be what I am; demisexual. As a child, someone's "junk" never really affected how I thought of them; how they acted did. I never liked girls or boys, either! I liked people based on who they were. When girls said, "oh, that actor's hot!" I would always reply, "But he could be a total jerk!" And they never, /ever/ looked attractive to me. Heck, no one did until I fell in love with a guy I found ugly at first. Sure, I could find people I found "beautiful," but never someone who turned me on on site. Then I stubbled upon pansexuality, and thought that was what I was, but then someone directed me to demisexuality - a sexual attraction based on relationship - and I totally identified!
BUT there is asexuality - where you're pretty much asexual, but any thought of sex or anything related to sex REPULSES you. I have a friend who is this, but he only feels this way toward humans (but I won't get into that). He doesn't find humans repulsive as people, he finds our bodies repulsive.
Hope that helps!

Posts: 9 | From: Behind you! | Registered: Feb 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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