Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Asexual and Aromantic? How do you know it?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Asexual and Aromantic? How do you know it?
Helen439
Neophyte
Member # 79841

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Helen439     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I know I should give it some more time and I've tried a few months but now I feel extremely confused and hopeless. I just need to have a name for myself! I can't stand it anymore.

It's so confusing because I've always thought I'm the romantic type of girl, dreaming of getting married and wearing a wedding dress, but now I realized all these feeling have been forced in my teenage years because that's how I thought things are supposed to be. Now I can't even stand the thought of kissing or hugging someone, not to mention sharing my whole life with a PERSON - a person with different hopes, dreams, ambitions and bad stuff than mine. It just freaks me out!

I used to tell this kind of stuff when I was a child because I thought it's natural to say it (like "I don't want to marry a man. I like dogs better") and people told me to shut up. Now I've tried to openly talk with my mother and tell her I really don't think marriage will ever be a good thing for me, but she thinks I say this kind of things because I desperately want a boyfriend. Which it's annoying because she doesn't take my words for serious. All my friends want to get married or look after boys. So sometimes I feel like there's something wrong with me. But other times I tell myself it's OK to have different needs and I want to accept myself for what I am - problem is I DON'T KNOW what I am. And I feel an urgent need to know it because I'm sick and tired of pushing myself to do or feel things that doesn't seem natural and healthy to me.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
Peer Ambassador
Member # 44338

Icon 1 posted      Profile for moonlight bouncing off water     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It actually sounds like you have a pretty clear concept of what you want and that the stress or anxiety that you are feeling about this are cause by external factors such as your mother's disbelief when you express the fact that you don't think that you'll ever want to get married and the societal pressure to grow up, get married and have 2.2 kids. Does this sound right?

And I definantly understand why this would get to you because anytime someone deviates from the norm even slightly there are people who do not accept them.

As per "knowing what you are", you are whatever you want to call yourself, if even you wish to call yourself anything. You don't need a label unless you want one. How do you feel about "asexual aromantic" like you titled this thread?

--------------------
~moonlight

I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 859 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Helen439
Neophyte
Member # 79841

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Helen439     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Asexual Aromantic"
In a way it sounds like it fits me and I feel relieved. On the other way I kinda feel guilty because I can't seem to understand exactly what I want or what I need, so I'm not sure it fits me 100%.

My worry is that I'm not one of those people that could honestly say out loud that they've never experienced arousal or they've never been interested/curious about sex/masturbation. Some people JUST KNOW they're asexual or aromantic! Period!

Well, I'm not completely free of these things, I guess... It's just that I can't see what parts of my feelings are true and what parts are forced; because I forced myself to act in a certain way most of my life and I thought I like certain things; and only later I found out those things gross me out and don't seem natural at all - at least for me, cause I don't care what other people do in their private lives.

Also, I'm wondering, could someone become asexual/aromantic in their early adulthood? Because I don't know if I've always been like this. And I also don't know if I will still be like this in 20 years. So I don't want to use in a wrong way a definition that helps a lot of other people to figure them out.

Posts: 11 | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Angus
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 64437

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Angus     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Identity is always a process of discovery, and that process can take a while. For some people, that process is a matter of uncovering something that stays static, for others it's a matter of opening up to new feelings and new responses as what's going on inside you shifts.

If "asexual aromantic" is a identity that fits you now, if it's a way of understanding yourself that you find helpful, then embrace it. It doesn't mean you have to rewrite your past to make it fit, and it doesn't mean you're promising that what fits will never change.

Taking slow steps is okay. And figuring out where you're at now before spending a lot of time worrying about where you used to be or where you might be going seems like a good way to go.

Posts: 21 | From: New York | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3