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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » indian queer (Page 3)

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Author Topic: indian queer
loneranger
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Hello , i am back !! It was awesome ! I could not stop smiling for the entire return journey..... I met three people yesterday.......and it was such a great feeling.... .....(i can't stop smiling even now )

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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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eryn_smiles
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Hello [Smile] . I'm so glad it went well for you. Sometimes I find myself lying to family and friends about going to lesbian events too. It's very difficult but I'm slowly moving towards being more open with people. Keep up the great work alright?

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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loneranger
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[Smile] ....hello . i was just talking about the lying involved to someone i met in the group.... i was pretty upset initially .. but i guess... the happiness i got on meeting them outweighs the guilt of lying... after all i am 21 and this IS a choice i CAN make.. [Smile] .... ( i love the group ..... never felt so alive [Smile] )

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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loneranger
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hi [Smile] again.... Just dropped by to thank u guys especially Heather and Eryn..... Thank u so much......i just went to another meeting yesterday for lunch....it was great.......i cannot imagine all this without ur support .....i think my friend is giving up her phobia a bit......:)umm finally my mind is at peace atleast for now.

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Heather
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What great news, all around! HOORAY! [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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eryn_smiles
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Ditto, that's wonderful to hear [Smile] . You are doing so well. Did you know it took me months and months of getting up the nerve to actually go along to my first group? I think you're really brave and awesome.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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Heather
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I think you BOTH are really brave and awesome. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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loneranger
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thanks u guys.... *hugs* ...but i feel a whole lot of the courage came from talking to u guys......and someone i met on another online group eryn gave a link of(........well actually eryn.... I was really not brave enough to meet anyone.....but had come in contact with an admin on the group i joined.....she was supportive and very understanding.....so i felt brave enough to meet them personally.) I think its awesome.....the group..... There are lot of pride activities happening next month and they are insisting i come, thing is, umm i am scared i will be caught by some distant relative or friend, so i told them i wont be able to make it. (and also eryn i think u are very brave ...and super awesome .... [Smile] )

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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loneranger
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umm hi...again....i have a small problem....i dont know where to post it....so i am posting it right here......well i met a girl in one of the meetings i had with the drop in group.....umm i really like her a lot.....she seems to be intrested in me...a bit....we just kind of went on a date ,this tuesday....it was great(one of the best days of my life - i am not exaggerating).....thing is i am supposed to be meeting her in twelve hours....and i am supposed to tell my roomie a reason why i am going to the city........i told her i am meeting friends from the group i go to for lunch...she read through my story.....and is making me feel like s**t for lying.......i feel awful.....that i am lying.....but i really like this girl.......even she thinks that maybe i should not hurt my friend by lying. I just want to know if i am such a bad person for doing this.....?

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Heather
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This is the friend who has been very unsupportive of you?

If so, let me give you a similar situation to consider that might help you get to how you feel about this.

Let's say that I have interest in a certain religion. My friend though, for their own reasons, does not like this interest I have. I've tried to talk to them about why I have this interest, have given them information so they can really consider this in a more educated way, but they won't consider any of that. They want to stick to their own uninformed opinion.

But, for me, pursuing this feels lie a big part of who I am, and feels like it really benefits me and is what I want. I know I am not hurting anyone, either.

So, I want to go to a meeting of this religion. I know if I tell my friend, they're going to be unsupportive, and it's something I really want to be supported in and feel very vulnerable around, so I just opt out of telling them and tell them I'm going somewhere else.

Am I a bad person?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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loneranger
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yes, its the person i previously talked about.i understand where you are coming from Heather, i know that lying about meeting the girl i like, does not make me a bad person. I said i am feeling bad, because of all this lying involved here......to her, to my parents ,to my friends . She is giving me this whole...becoming queer makes you a liar and an awful person logic,which does not make sense.......but i am forced to put up with.....because i am admant she be a part of my life (because of her health problems ). I dont know... I guess i'll see what she has to say in the morning...(hopefully will not involve telling my parents i am gay - she keeps blackmailing me with that ).

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Heather
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Oh, GRR.

It's always amazing to me (that's the nice word I have for it anyway), when people who are unaccepting of LGBT people, who make clear to LGBT people that they CANNOT be honest with them without risking harm or hurt come around and make LGBT people not being honest with them about being LGBT.

It's so bizarre to me that they can't take the teeniest of growth steps to recognize that if LGBT people could be as out as straight people, talk about who they are in love or in lust with, who they are as openly, most wouldn't LEAP at the chance.

If someone wants LGBT people to be able to be out and honest, they need to make it safe to be so. If they won't do that, they need to recognize THEY are the why-not, not being LGBT.

You do know that this person does not HAVE to be a part of your life, right? You aren't obligated to be with or around her because she has health problems. That doesn't mean you have to tolerate this stuff, either.

Mind, I get that if she's a longtime friend, you likely value the friendship and don't want to lose it. At the same time, the love and acceptance has to go both ways in any relationship for it to be healthy. And someone trying to blackmail you is someone who is being emotionally unhealthy or abusive. And that's not good for YOUR health.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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loneranger
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hehe Heather....i am feeling everything you just said......everyday........i get very upset somedays......but mostly i do just fine......i know there is no obligation to be with her,i just made this promise to her mother that i will be with her no matter what, till she gets married next year...(she was not with her mom in her final moments cause of me ) till then, i guess i need someone to keep assuring me or tell me i am not that bad person ....society makes me believe i am.(and i have just decided i am going to visit my girl tomorrow [Smile] )

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Djuna
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Hi there! I've been reading your posts for a little while and I thought I'd say hello. I want to say I think you're doing awesome... I know coming out, even to myself, was really difficult for me although the society I live in is probably not the same degree of intolerant.

I certainly don't think you're a bad person - that's the opposite of what I think. And I really think it's so compassionate of you to be wanting to stick with your friend and try to talk her around (which you're not obligated to do) as opposed to cutting an unsupportive person out of your life.

I really hope your visit goes well! We're all good people here - hey, that includes you since you're someone who's helping people around you to get past hang-ups about queerness. I'm rooting for you. [Smile]

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“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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loneranger
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thank so much patrick for your words......umm i am just going back after spending the night ,with my girl............but not without lots of preceeding drama.......my friend had problem with me staying back at her place....she made a whole dramatic scene.....she told her bf and sis i am a lesbian and am staying back at some random girls place - sex out of marraige is still taboo with some ppl here.....she almost called and told my brother and parents......she has called me a whole lot lof things......now i am reconsidering this "friendship" - i cannot be friends with someone who can harm me and the girl i am with.....pretty scared of going back to college .....dont know,who knows and who does not know i am a lesbian........hope i pull through.....trying my best not to cry in this bus i am in....

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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Saffron Raymie
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Oh loneranger, how awful.

I second reconsidering your friendship with this person, outing someone before they are ready is a serious issue.

When are you back at college?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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loneranger
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umm i was on the way back when i last posted...... The whole day was pretty quiet...kind of like the calm before a storm............she already told her bf few days back !....um i am very uncomfortable that 2 ppl..know because i am not really ready to come out before i finish college........i was upset because i was scared my family would hurt the girl i am with if they come to know i am a lesbian (thank god that did not happen)

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Djuna
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Loneranger, I'm so sorry your friend has reacted in this way. I really would support you in reconsidering whether that's a friendship that's serving you well any more.

How was visiting this girl, incidentally? I understand if you feel like that's been overshadowed a little by your friend's behavior, but if you stayed over it sounds like maybe it went well? [Smile]

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loneranger
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hi again patrick , yeah i am reconsidering our friendship, but i dont know... I feel maybe her attitude has changed after she talked to her sister,then again i am not sure......lets see. Well coming to the girl [Smile] ....umm even though she is the first girl i have met who is reciprocating what i feel, i think i am really kind of serious about her, i have met her only twice ,but talk to her a lot on the phone,so she is kind of the person who keeps my spirits up when my roomie is in her homophobic moods. Umm
maybe in love with her too(though i feel its too early to feel that way )

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Djuna
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Well, I'm really glad that you have a person who's keeping your spirits up like that. I hope that goes well for you! [Smile]

--------------------
“In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.”

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eryn_smiles
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Hey loneranger, I'm also so glad to hear that you have met a girl who sounds supportive and lovely. I think that the message boards here are going on a break soon and I just wanted to reiterate that if you are EVER concerned about your own or someone elses safety with regard to being outed to family/classmates, please don't hesitate to contact one of the support helplines mentioned by mortarandpestle or myself earlier in this thread. Those services are local and happy to advocate for your rights and wellbeing. Take care.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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loneranger
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hi eryn ...... Umm yeah..she is ...or i should say was great in making me very happy....she is getting back with her ex tomorrow.......i thought i will be awfully depressed.....but then we are both different....she wants to settle down....and i ... I am 21 and still in college....umm so i met her today to say goodbye......i was kinda emotional because ,she is my first in many things....so i just thought i'll post so that i'll let others know i want some support ....in not feeling heartbroken because i'm not......and coming to my nosy roomie ...she is happy i met her for the last time......which made me sad......well atleast i don have to deal with blackmailing BS from her..........umm so today was highly emotional though i am not showing it....

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Djuna
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Hi loneranger! I'm really sorry that things didn't work out with this girl - it's often painful to feel that kind of rejection, and that's okay. I hope that soon you can look at this as a growing experience, though. Going on your first date with a girl is an awesome thing to have done, and hopefully in future you can find someone who appreciates your awesomeness some more!

I want you to know that if you want any support, I'll be around. [Smile]

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eryn_smiles
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Hope you are feeling better, loneranger. That does sound like a really emotional experience and I hope that you have people to talk to, outside of your unsupportive room mate. You've been doing awesomely well in getting out and meeting people and I know in my heart that will continue [Smile] . Take care.

--------------------
"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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loneranger
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hi again [Smile] ,

well this girl...umm well she wants to see how it works out with both of us, and says she is not that keen to go back to her ex, we have both become really attached...so keeping my fingers crossed [Smile]

i must say i owe everybody here a lot, because this is the only place i get support ... other than my support group which i visit only once a month.(thanks esp to eryn and patrick [Big Grin] )

well about my friend ..has found a new way to irritate me. she quotes from my old forensic text which has not been updated since 1900 i guess ...which says lesbianism/tribadism - is seen in mental degenerates and they have hormonal dysfunction which causes them to be masculine , and they are nyphomaniacs..and if they are jealous they will commit homicide or suicide and that it is a sexual perversion - she keeps saying i just like how they describe "lesbians" in the book. she keeps calling me a pervert.....some twenty times a day....which makes me feel like crap....my girl is gone away for the weekend and i dont have anyone to vent...and i am feeling like crap.

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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loneranger
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umm.........we stopped seeing each other....she still is in love with her ex...and her ex still loves her....i dint want to come in between...so i told her i dont want to see her...and she asked if i was going to be okay...i said i will be fine. Thing is i am not.she is the first person i was with physically and emotionally. I have become so attached i cant even stay without thinking of her for ten min. Have this urge to text her.my t shirt still smells like her....my room is filled with her memories , as is my phone.everyone i know at the support group knows me as the person who came in between2 ppl in love.i feel rotton.i dont know who else to talk to. My friend is being really trying her best to cheer me..but she doesnt really know what this girl meant to me.i am feeling real sick all day.i feel like dying. I am scared, thats y i am posting, to stop myself from doing something stupid. (but i dont regret meeting her, falling in love with her- giving myself to her completly to her for this month - but i dont know what to do - i want happy memories to remain and i want to move on...i dont know how )

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Heather
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First breakups can be so utterly rough. Any breakup can, of course, but the first time or two they happen can just really knock a person for a loop.

And of course, it can be even more loaded in a situation like yours. I am so, so sorry, loneranger.

If this just happened, it's probably too fast to move on. Instead, just like when we're dealing with any loss, you usually have to just give yourself some time and space to feel how you're feeling and grieve.

I am concerned about you voicing a concern that you might do something stupid: what are we talking about here?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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loneranger
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umm i am not doing anything stupid....was overemotional while writing my previous post ... i was kind of...i dont want to live anymore ..or something like that.

i know its all stupid to think like that.

this month was great....and i dont want to ruin that memory..

i am just gonna lie low and divert my attention for now.

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Heather
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Heartbreak can be ROUGH, seriously. And young people feeling deeply depressed and even suicidal about the breakup of a romantic relationship is VERY common. I don't think we need to call it stupid: it's very common and very human. Early romantic feelings can be so, so incredibly intense. It's not surprising that the loss of those relationships feels equally intense, you know?

I know that your support circle is dreadfully small: it's basically a circle of one, and even that one person is not so supportive a lot of the time. So, please know you can come here as much as you want to, and we can listen or talk with you any time. If you get the chance again to go to that support group, that's another goodie: it's likely a lot of people in it will absolutely understand exactly how you're feeling and be supportive.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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loneranger
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[Smile] OK
scarleteen HAS become family.. i will be coming on and off here....i wont stop this [Smile]


umm about going back to the support group - the most active members are friends with this girl ( who happens to be older to me )..they either think ( i know it for a fact )i am the "kid" who got heart broken by the complex relation with her( and me and the ex- believe me i dint know how complex this relation would become [Razz] ) ..or they think i am the person who got their friend confused in her complex relation with her ex ( and i am the villain here [Smile] )

so i am not keen to go back to visit the group anytime soon ( also partly because her ex just joined the group because she saw my name in her phone and wanted to know me - i am scared of her [Wink] )..though i will get back to them after my exams in a few months when i am mentally more strong to face them ( her )

(ok i am sleeping now - no sleep since 48 hrs )

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Heather
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Can I ask how you know the members of that group feel that way? have you already talked with them?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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loneranger
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she told me...i asked if anyone on the group knew about us..

but she said to ignore them for now ( which is kinda difficult )

--------------------
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

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Heather
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You know, I have to say that I'd really not take her word on this. Given the situation, I don't think it's exactly reliable.

By all means, if YOU don't feel like you want the group right now, that is of course fine. This is about what you need. But if you do feel like you need them and want to go to the group for support, I'd not make any calls about their take on this a) from her, not the group members themselves and b) based on HER side of the story as she may have told it to the group, if she even earnestly did.

People don't always behave so well or honestly in these kinds of situations, and I imagine that since she's got an ex in the mix with all of this -- one who it sounds like she may have made seem she was more separated from than was really the case -- she's probably concerned about looking like the villian herself here, you know?

FYI, while this may be trite and certainly may not be true for everyone, in lesbian dating, there does often tend to be a lot of back-and-forth with breakups. My personal experience, one I know lots of other women who have dated women I know have had, too, is that often there are a couple breakups followed by get-back-togethers before women in romantic relationships are really, truly done.

I had that happen often enough to me, where I started dating someone who said something was over, only to find that nope, people were going right back in it, that when someone I was interested in dating told me they had a breakup, I'd always ask a) how recently, and b) how many times they had broken up. If the answer was one, I got in the habit of taking a pass and seeing if that person wasn't back together with that ex a few months down the road before I asked about dating. [Razz]

Your mileage may vary, obviously, but that way of going about it worked a lot better for me, personally. I would up in the middle of less breakups-that-really-weren't-broken-up that way.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Btw, we've needed this for lots of folks anyway, but today, this one's for you, loneranger: http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather_corinna/2011/11/16/crowdsourcing_breakup_blues_busters

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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loneranger
Activist
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[Smile] thank you Heather *hugs* i kinda feel better than what i was few hours back

liked the link... presently doing something similar to the first comment on it

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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;

Posts: 94 | From: Hyderabad | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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