posted
I am not sure if anyone else has felt this but i sometimes get turned on by men but not really with their shirt off and i do get turned on by some women and i even had dreams that i am with the same sex but in real life i hardly give girls a secound glance...i dont know if its because i am scared or what..uh! does anyone else have these feelings?? Posts: 8 | From: Los Angeles | Registered: Jan 2009
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Plenty of people are bisexual, for starters. But plenty of people who both are bisexual and are NOT bisexual have a wide range of fantasies and daydreams about people of all genders.
What are your concerns?
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63699 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
I guess i dont have any major concerns...its just i know i would be scared if it were just me, another girl and a bed... what i dont like about myself is that i cant help but feel uncomfortable around lesbians..and to think i have feelings for girls makes me feel strange and confused...
Posts: 8 | From: Los Angeles | Registered: Jan 2009
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posted
Dreams or fantasies are a part of who we are sexually, but having dreams about someone of the same sex or gender without having any waking interest in them does not determine by some formula (since there isn't one, and fantasy is just one small piece of things) that you are a lesbian, or bisexual.
What about being around lesbians makes you uncomfortable?
It sounds for now as if, given your discomfort, that you should maybe avoid the situation which you're saying would cause you anxiety--namely, being in bed with another girl.
But maybe we can talk about what is underneath all of this discomfort. What sorts of messages about non-straight people did you get when you were growing up? Any idea where this discomfort with a whole group of people comes from?
Posts: 384 | From: Philadelphia, PA | Registered: Sep 2008
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posted
I can tell you that it is totally normal to have feelings for the same gender, even though you identify as heterosexual. From a biological point of view, there isn't such a thing as a Kinsey 6 or Kinsey 1 (0?) Everyone has a bisexual side to them. For example, I'm a gay-identified male, but I am also attracted butch-acting females. I'm not sure what this makes me. Probably a bisexual-leaning homo? lol.
So. Do you have any problems with being around lesbians? IDK, you probably had bad experiences with them, or have heard stereotypes about them that might have influenced your opinion about them, but you shouldn't really be scared of being around them, or being one of them, for that matter They're humans, too.
-------------------- I know there is an over the rainbow for me. Posts: 84 | From: Algeria | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
(Just going to respond to Idir...I had no idea there was no such thing as a 1 or a 6. I thought that most people are somewhere in between, but that very few people are either 100% straight or 100% gay. Do you have a source? I'm not super informed about the subject and would love to learn more )
-------------------- “I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.” --John Waters Posts: 205 | From: Bay Area, CA | Registered: Oct 2007
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posted
I'd also be curious about what you mean when you say ones and sixes don't exist from a biological point of view.
But SnailShells, for the Kinsey Scale bare bones (which goes from 0 to 6, and Kinsey did indeed find people all over the scale, though the fewest were 0's or 6s), the Wiki on it is good: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63699 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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Just a few notes about Kinsey and the Kinsey scale. As Heather mentioned, he did find that people fit all along the spectrum from 0 (what was deemed "exclusively heterosexual") to 6 (deemed "exclusively homosexual").
But what I think is really interesting is that the Kinsey scale is only about BEHAVIORS. It is not inclusive of desire, or fantasy, or attraction, but purely behaviors only. I'm sure many of us can relate that we have fantasies and desires that don't always match our behaviors. There are many reasons why we might not act on something we are feeling or thinking, but the Kinsey scale is not, in my estimation, a particularly good way to measure a more holistic view of sexuality (one that is inclusive of the many aspects of sexuality outside of behavior). It was pretty revolutionary for a lot of reasons, but--like any research or theory--did and does have limits.
Klein proposed an alternative to the Kinsey Scale that I've found to be really interesting and helpful. It looks at other aspects of sexuality along with behaviors. It also looks at your feelings in the past, in the present, and what you see as the ideal future. If you're interested in learning more about Klein's grid, you can find an explanation of it here: http://www.bisexual.org/kleingrid.html
"As humans, we are primates, and most primates are known for their high sex drives (including incestuous activities) and their societal bisexuality. Most primates are attracted to both sexes. Are we really that different? No. Personally, I believe that everyone is bisexual deep down inside, but they just don’t know. Most people claim to be heterosexual, mainly to conform to societal roles, as straight sexual activity usually leads to offspring, which is viewed positively by most cultures, as it helps the ethnic group in question to outnumber other groups, which is necessary for its survival. However, when observing some "primitive" societies, we can see that homosexuals have been awarded special treatment, ranging from being regarded as divine, spiritual gurus, belonging to a Third Gender. Other, more "civilized" socities regarded homosexuals as being an Obamanation, or have simply been executed before one could even start to make a POV about them. (Um. That's *my* ethnic group) But even those who identify as homosexuals are usually just more attracted to the same gender than to the opposite one, as there can't be such a thing as a 100% attraction to a specific gender. Never ever never. It's just your behavior."
-------------------- I know there is an over the rainbow for me. Posts: 84 | From: Algeria | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
So, you mean your own biological perspective. Which, by the way, I'm not discounting, just making clear.
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63699 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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quote:Originally posted by Heather: So, you mean your own biological perspective. Which, by the way, I'm not discounting, just making clear.
Yeah. I mean, but I'm not a scientist (not yet ) so I can't prove it, but I'm sure there's lots of research done about this.
I mean, in fact, there isn't. Most scientific research performed is principally about hetero- or homosexuality, even though performing research about bisexuality would be much more helpful.
To quote one of my friends: "I think most people and animals are bisexual to some extent, predisposed one way or another, and then it swings depending on....something, sometimes minutely, other times extremely. You know, no one ever studies bisexuals, but I think you could learn a lot more about sexuality from them than from straights and gays."
-------------------- I know there is an over the rainbow for me. Posts: 84 | From: Algeria | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
Idir, you raise some good points. There's not enough research specifically about bisexuality, but as you also hinted at, a lot might depend on how you define bisexuality. (I hasten to add that there's also very little research about female sexuality, about lesbianism, about so many topics in sexuality).
Since you believe that pretty much everyone is bi, how would you propose narrowing the research? How would you define "bisexual"? Would it be based on self-identity, certain behaviors (and, if so, which ones?), passing attractions?
As a grad student who is about to be proposing his dissertation research I think a lot about these things...there are so many glaring holes in sexuality research, but sometimes it's pretty complicated to figure out how to fill them.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on what kind of research you'd like to see, and how you might go about it!
Posts: 384 | From: Philadelphia, PA | Registered: Sep 2008
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quote:Originally posted by CJT: Idir, you raise some good points. There's not enough research specifically about bisexuality, but as you also hinted at, a lot might depend on how you define bisexuality. (I hasten to add that there's also very little research about female sexuality, about lesbianism, about so many topics in sexuality).
Since you believe that pretty much everyone is bi, how would you propose narrowing the research? How would you define "bisexual"? Would it be based on self-identity, certain behaviors (and, if so, which ones?), passing attractions?
As a grad student who is about to be proposing his dissertation research I think a lot about these things...there are so many glaring holes in sexuality research, but sometimes it's pretty complicated to figure out how to fill them.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on what kind of research you'd like to see, and how you might go about it!
I agree on that there isn't enough research about female sexuality, especially lesbianism. I think that's just because our homophobic society is so afraid of this deconstruction of patriarchy that it doesn't even take it seriously. For example, why is the main discussion of gay marriage opponents the activities performed by gay men in bed? (It actually is, I lurk on Conservative forums) What about lesbianism, or transgender people? And it's pretty interesting to see people "disgusted" by gay sex talk about it that much
I think the research should be narrowed to people identifying themselves as bisexuals, or having emotional and sexual relationships with both genders. I'm not gonna define it, because everyone should be free to have their own definition of bisexuality, and no one should pigeonhole bisexuals (I am labellophobic). But personally, if someone identifies as bisexual, then I'd accept them as being so.
(I sound like a NARTH-member here, don't I?) I think the research should examine the "causes" of bisexuality, the discrimination bisexuals face (which is unique, as I have many bi friends who are discriminated even by gays/lesbians as they're perceived as unsure or promiscuous) and the differences between their behavior and emotional and sexual lives.
The world needs a new Fritz Klein, doesn't it?
-------------------- I know there is an over the rainbow for me. Posts: 84 | From: Algeria | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
Sounds like your just a average normal girl. We all have our preferences, is it the hairy chest that doesn't do it for you lol? I don't think that does it for anyone. We all like different things about guys and you don't like that. It's fair enough.
Also you may be bisexual, which to me it doesn't really sound like it but don't rule it out 100%.
I for one compare my body to other gils and often find myself staring unintentionally lol. This doesn't mean i'm a lesbian, it means i'm just curious about what others have that I may not have.
Liia. x
Posts: 15 | From: England | Registered: Jan 2009
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posted
Liia: please don't diss other people's bodies here.
Many men (and sometimes even some women!) have hair on their chests, and there are, indeed, plenty of people of all genders who like body hair, accept body hair, or even get off like crazypeople on body hair.
I know you said what you did lightly, but it can be so easy for someone to not take something lightly, and I think we can find a way to be light here that doesn't make anyone feel like a part of their bodies is yucky or "doesn't work for anyone."
-------------------- Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen About Me • Get our book! Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead Posts: 63699 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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Ha! thanks Heather and everyone for making me feel less insecure about my sexuality. now that i think of it...everyone is little bisexual and no one is really a 100% of anything... Posts: 8 | From: Los Angeles | Registered: Jan 2009
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![[Confused]](confused.gif)
and i do get turned on by some women and i even had dreams that i am with the same sex but in real life i hardly give girls a secound glance...i dont know if its because i am scared or what..uh! does anyone else have these feelings?? 
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
) so I can't prove it, but I'm sure there's lots of research done about this.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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now that i think of it...everyone is little bisexual and no one is really a 100% of anything... 
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