After your parents found out that you weren't straight, what new rules and limitations were put on you? How did it affect you? Did you agree with them?
Since I've come out as being bisexual, I'm not allowed to be "unchaparoned" with any girls who aren't straight. But, on the other side of the coin, I'm not allowed to be alone with my gay guy friends. How does that make sense?
Especially, how does that make sense when my parents are convinced that I'm not bisexual and can't possibly know if I am bisexual until I have sex/am older. They say no one can know their sexuality until they have sex/are older, but they assume that my brother is straight. In fact, they won't even have a hypothetical discussion about him not being straight, even though he hasn't had sex and he's not older.
This doesn't really effect my relationship with my parents, because I don't really have one with them and I don't really want one. But it probably makes me more bitter towards them, but ahh well, I'm over that.
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I didn't ever come out to my mom, and I probably will not, and since I live with her that ultimately means no orientation-related restrictions. But I DID start to go to Gay/Straight Alliance in HS, and this would lead to semi-regular "Don't think that it's cool to be gay, okay?" discussions. My mom once caught me talking about girls online, and it led to: "It's not cool to be gay, you don't have to try to be like that." *smirk*
After I joined the GSA she also began to assume that ANYONE I talked about who I considered a friend must be gay! Hahahaha. Yeah. Okay. Whatever. I mean, I'd be telling her, "So I met this guy today--" "IS HE GAY?" she asks. How should this at all have any bearing on why I like him or why she shouldn't like him? How is this at all anyone's business? So I'd either say, "I don't know, we haven't discussed it," or, "Why is that important to you?" The latter would really piss her off.
So I guess you could say that many of my friends have gone through a gayness-clearance, or whatever, with my mom. :P Despite it all, I have plenty of fun queer friends and, now that I'm at college, who I'm friends with is rarely a topic of conversation anyway... Heh. Ah, college is nice...(usually).
Hmm ... well. I can't be alone in a room with my girlfriend with the door closed (anyone else girl or guy, they don't care). I am ever so pissed about that. There weren't really any limitations, though. No sleepovers with girlfriend (cuz we had TONS before my parents knew about me/us going out). I don't think it's really affected anything much.
Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001
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First off-- I'm new here, so hello everyone.
My mother reacted very strange when I first came out to her. Actually, her lack of reaction was what confused me. She had always accused me of being interested in girls, yet when I finally admitted it, she went into denial. Anyone else have this happen?? I found it pretty strange. I was still aloud to be around girls, have them sleep over, [in my bed, even], and not have her ever question it. But she still didn't like the idea of me having boys stay overnight. It was almost as if she still belived I was straight!
I guess it took her awhile to realize I was very serious, and had not professed my love for the same sex simply to avoid arousing suspicion when I had boys over. She never did mind about girls staying over, but eventually she also stopped caring about boys as well. I never really did understand that. I guess she either accepted my sexuality, or just figured I was now mature enough to make my own descisions about sex with whomever I wanted to.
She is now completely accepting of who I am. My dad on the other hand-- I only recently came out to him after moving in with him to attend college. And he was completely cool with it from the start! I should have expected it, he's always been the liberal one. It's a nice thing to have such awesome and accepting parents. (end pointless ramble.)
------------------ every harlot was a virgin once--
I always feel a little strange reading and responding to these types of posts, because I was brought up in a totally different environment to most people in general, let alone to most gay ppl.
I was brought up in a very close family who simply never made the distinction between gay or straight. I intellectually understood the idea of being in the cloest, but never actually exprienced it until I hit the homophobic ranks of high school at 13. So, no I had no changes to rules lol
The only question I have is, why on earth would you reveal the fact that you weren't straight to your parents? I would think that would be one of your most closely guarded secrets. Why give them an excuse? Bide your time till you can get out on your own beyond their ability to hurt you, then tell them, if of course you still talk to them.
I know that some people do have a good relationship with their parents, and do trust them. I have a hard time understanding this on a gut level, but I know that families like that do exist. I would suspect that in those families it would be safe to come out and be honest about your sexuality. Not all parents are psychotic, just like not all teenagers are victims of oppression seeking freedom. Some parents are rational, understanding, and have tried to teach their children how to think rather than what to think. Some kids are rotten little punks who are going to end up in prison, dead, or have 4 illegitimate children before they hit 20, and whose parents don't know what to do about them. Its too bad the crazy parents and rotten kids can't be put together all the time, it would save the rest of us a lot of pain and heartache.
It was a closely gaurded secret of mine...but then I tried to get into the 'community' and started going to a GBLT youth group, which I thought was absolutely the most awesome thing ever, and I didn't want to risk missing a week.
And then..my parents read my e-mail, and found out, although they pretended that they didn't. So at that point it didn't matter, and I just asked them for a ride. Gah...I could have been having so much fun! But those things happen.
Oh, and if rotten kids went with crazy parents then the world would be amok! Imagine all the things the parents would let the kids do and the kids would let the parents do, instead of having one desperatly trying to keep tabs on the other. Maybe they'd spend quality family time planning to shoot up their school/work. Uncool.
I'm sorry they found out. All I can say is I hope you're doing everything you can to prepare for leaving home. I'm straight, but my relationship with my parents couldn't have been any worse if I were gay. I spent my high school years biding my time and working my keester off for the day when I'd be able to leave home. I got a full ride scholarship to college, which means I'm not dependent upon them for money or support. I don't talk to them and they don't talk to me. They "disowned" me when they realized I wasn't going to jump through hoops for them here like I was forced to at home. I don't know your parents, so I can't tell you how to handle them or the best way to make your escape. I can tell you that the sooner you are truly independent of them the better. Since I've gotten away life has been better than I'd dared to imagine it could be. I'm making very good progress towards my degree. I've got 4 to 6 more semesters to go before I graduate with a degree that will more or less guarantee me a high paying job.
Wow. Lee, that's terrible and great all wrapped into one. Terrible in the sense that your parents are very difficult and demanding like that, but great in the sense that you overcame it and created a spectacular life for yourself. Good for you.
My parents don't know and I see no reason to tell them. Right now I am with a guy, so there's no point in them knowing I am attracted in females as well. If I ever do have a girlfriend and I believe it will be a long term relationship, then I'll let them know. But for now, if it ain't broke, dont' fix it.
------------------ It took so long to remember just what happened. I was so young and vestal then.
Well...I guess you could say that my mom really didn't make too many limitations on me. I mean...even if I did like guys...she still wouldn't have let me seriously date anyone til I was 17 anyways. I don't think my sexuality really matters to her. She loves me no matter what. She might tell me not to "flaunt" it at school, but that's only cuz she doesn't want me to get beat up, or you know, something like that (not that it would happen at our school, least I don't think so, but it happens. So all in all, my mom is pretty fair .
------------------ "We are the normal"-Johny Rznick
Posts: 86 | From: Las Vegas, NV, United States | Registered: Jun 2001
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This really made me think. I told my mom about my sexuality a few years ago. It was a very short conversation and it's never been brought up again. She was fine with it but she's never really had to deal with it. I've just ended a three year long period of celibacy, during which I realized I was bi, so I didn't really have any girlfriends to bring home.
I haven't told my father or anyone else in my family. I can't imagine them taking it well and I don't really regard it as any of their concern.
Ultimately nothing has changed, not even some of the things that should have - like a simple acknowledgement of who I am. However, it's never really been a problem.
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