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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » LGBTQA Relationships » confused

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Author Topic: confused
heyyou
Neophyte
Member # 53130

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I identify myself as a lesbian. I have only ever been in one heterosexual relationship and it was with my now best friend (who now identifies himself as gay). I guess what im confused about is that although we both now identify as gay, i have very strong feelings for him. He is the only person ive ever felt such a strong connection with. He and I have had several discussions with each other about these feelings i have for him and he has made it clear that he does not feel the same. I have had several relationships with women, and though i felt loved with them i have never felt this way with anyone else. This has been going on for a few years now and i am afraid that i'll never find a way to move on from him. M biggest question though is how i can identify as a lesbian and be so deeply in love with a man at the same time?

Does anyone have any insight? I'm open to any thoughts on my situation.

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They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

Posts: 2 | From: canada | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
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Welcome,

I would like to start off by saying that the term “lesbian” is more of a label or better yet a description than a black and white definition of who someone identifies themself as being. You may use this term to describe the fact that you are primarily attracted to women, but it does not say that you can’t love a person who happens to be a man. Love is something that is on a personal relationship level with another person and it is not limited to any ‘groups’. Maybe the reason you haven’t felt the same way, as you do for him, with anyone else is simply that you haven’t found a person, yet, who is as good of a match on as many levels. Give it some more time. You will find someone, hopefully soon, who is even a better match for you. [Smile]

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Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
heyyou
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Member # 53130

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thank you for your insight but i am still very confused on the situation. seems i always fall for the person i cant have, but isnt that the way life always goes? lol

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They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.

Posts: 2 | From: canada | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
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Whether or not you seem to “always fall for the person I can’t have” does not have any thing to do with your sexual preference. Actually we hear that comment a lot. One of the reasons, I feel, this happens is people consider the person who is not available to be a safer ‘risk’ or that they have less to lose so they open up easier to them and get to know them and visa-versa at a deeper level. There are other thoughts as to why this happens and maybe other people who read this post might want to offer theirs as well. I will say that if you feel that this situation becomes a problem with being able to develop a meaningful relationship with someone else, then you may want to consider talking with someone about it one on one. Until then, good luck and keep trying. [Smile]

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Dan

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curiousgirl95
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im confused. a few years ago i slept over my friends house and we were bored so she said lets play a game and i said what game and she said it was called "boyfriend and girlfriend" and i asked what we do and she said we act like boyfriend and girlfriend so i said ok. when we played she kissed me then it turned into making out. then she started kissing my neck which felt REALLY good. but i dont think shes a les even though her mom is and we play it all the time. and a few months ago me and a different friend were home alone and we were bored. we decided to get dressed and go for a walk. a few minutes later we were both naked and walking around my room looking for clothes and i tripped and fell on her. we were laughing an ld we looked down and realized our cr0ch3s were on eachothers. then we looked at eachother and we got more on the bed and started doing it. when we were done she took my hand and put it.....down there and she asked me to finger her and i did as she asked. then a few weeks ago she asked me to eat her out i didnt like it but i could tell she did. so am i just bicurious? or bi? or a les? i really like boys and those are the only girls ive ever done anything with. and i havnt done anything with a boy yet. so im not sure
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OWL Dan
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Member # 49077

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Welcome,

I would like to say that the terms “bi”, “lesbian”, “hetero”, etc. are descriptions and not black and white definitions. Many people have thoughts and/or feelings that are not 100% under any one description. This is especially true the younger you are; there are so many things that are new and curious. Some people are simply more willing to act on their curiosities than others. I would say, if you are looking for a term for your self, that it would be simply “curious”. You still have plenty of time to figure out and test where your preferences will be. My advice is to listen to that “little voice” that tells you what is right or wrong for you and only try/do things that you are willing to and want to do. [Smile]

PS: I would also like to let you know, in the future, it is best for you to start your own new topic instead of added on to someone else’s. This way, your questions and concerns won’t get lost or overlooked because they are buried in an older post. All you would need to do is to click on "new Topic" on most of the pages.

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Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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