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Author Topic: Raped
patteLePugh
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Member # 45486

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I was raped, in July, with my girlfriend, we were snatched from the mall, and it still scars me, even after month of therapy, and I also enjoyed it at first. Is there something wrong with me?

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Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That
way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

Posts: 19 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Probably not.

Looking at your age, you're young now so were what, 12 or 13 when this happened?

Just the other day I read an excellent article where a researcher was trying to make the point that with child sexual abuse (more on why I use that term in a second), what's most common is for children and young people simply not to get -- at first, or period -- that what is happening is abuse or violence. This is one primary reason why so many young people don't say anything to anyone when they are being abused: many just don't know. To really have a sense of that, we need some real context, and without some kind of adult, consensual sex life, it can be really hard to see abuse clearly for what it is and really feel that we're experiencing abuse.

I know you weren't a child, per se, as in, you weren't 3 or 8. But you were (are) still a very young person, and the context of a rape or other sexual abuse for you is still very likely to be different than it is for someone older.

Also, sometimes even when someone knows rape is what is happening, and very much understands it is an abuse, our bodies and brains can still respond in sexual ways, even if and when that's the last thing we want. Some rape survivors, for instance, who reached orgasm from a rape, can tend to feel doubly betrayed: betrayed by their rapist, but also betrayed by their own bodies. It's not common, but it does happen sometimes.

Am I also right in understanding you're male? If so, that can also complicate the matter when it comes to how your body responds and what the dynamics of a rape are. For young males, it's very typical, for instance, for erection to happen in all kinds of scenarios, including at times when the last thing you feel is sexually excited or comfortable.

As someone who has assault history that also involves being abducted, I acutely understand how rough it can be to get over, where you have to deal with fears and terrors from both the rape itself and from the abduction. It's hard work, but it's so good that you were able to get and start therapy so soon. Has that been helping you? have you been able to ask this same question of your therapist?

Hugs to you.

[ 01-21-2010, 10:30 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
patteLePugh
Neophyte
Member # 45486

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Thank you Heather, you guys are amazing!

--------------------
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That
way if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

Posts: 19 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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