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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » help needed- AFTER A REALLY BAD ACCIDENT!

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Author Topic: help needed- AFTER A REALLY BAD ACCIDENT!
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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As you know my ex and I of a year and half broke up about a month and a half ago, and so, I stopped riding with him to school about a month ago.

Well today, he was driving and my cousin and her boyfriend were riding with him to school, as every day. And he got in a horrible accident...

Right now I kind of feel like it's my fault, even though it's not, because if I would still be making him pick me up, he wouldn't have gone that way to school. And he would have avoided being blinded and pulling out in front of someone.

Earlier today, my cousin's boyfriend was released to the the hospital with a minor injury of a bruised jaw. However, my ex and cousin are still in the hospital. My cousin's spleen is ruptured, and she had internal bleeding. As of about an hour ago, the blood had stopped, but if it starts again, she has to undergo surgery. My ex, who worked so hard practicing track for his meet Friday, broke his pelvis bone. He can't walk, and as expected, he has a lot of scratches and bruises and everything. He, too, might have to have surgery, but no one is sure yet. If he doesn't, he might be home by tomorrow at noon. They just tranferred him to another hospital.

I just don't know how to react. My cousin, ex boyfriend, who I still care so much about, and associate could have easily died this morning. I know I can't do anything about it now, and probably not then either, but I'm still so angry and confused and sad.. and I can't stop crying. That could have been any of my friends, or a parent, me, or even a stranger. Things like this aren't suppose to happen to people, much less 16 and 17 year olds.

And on top of everything, this whole situation makes me not want to my license in 5 days like I was going to, and it made me feel like I still love my ex, when I thought I was completely over him, and I know we're not getting back together.

What can I do? What should I do, for them and myself? I'm a complete mess!

I can get information about my cousin because she's family... But I can't talk to my ex because we really just don't talk anymore, and I can't talk to his family because they're trying to keep my calm and all they really say is "Everything is all right. It's not bad."

Help [Frown]

[ 03-25-2009, 05:33 PM: Message edited by: Typical Young and Dumb Teenager? ]

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I understand guilt when it comes to things like this, but at the same time, I'd encourage you to try and let go of it. For all you know, you two could have gotten in an accident of your own in your car that day: there's just no telling what keeps accidents from happening in the grand scheme of things.

I'm very sorry that everyone got hurt, and hope everyone will be okay. I'm also sorry you're so shaken, and it is normal to feel the way you're feeling, especially if this is the first time you've had something like this happen in your close circles. But while yes, things like this are hard, I don't know if we can say they aren't supposed to happen to certain people: life is risky, and people of all kinds and ages get injured sometimes.

In terms of what you can and should do, what do YOU feel like you need for yourself? What do you think you'd like to do, and what do you think would help you feel better?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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By the by, I think this is a very good support sheet for dealing with tragedy: http://www.cyh.sa.gov.au/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=243&np=295&id=2252

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what I can do. So far, all I've done is cry and mope around. I looked at the list and stuff, though, and I honestly think I felt all of those emotions after the accident. And I'm trying to cope now.

Like I said, I was suppose to get my license in a few days, and my birthday party was planned for this weekend. My cousin has ALWAYS been there. We're only about 7 months apart and have every class with each other, every day. Although I'd hate to cancel my party, I think I might. It's not her fault she can't be there, anyway. I don't want her knowing we're all having fun and she's not because she can't walk and move and whatnot right now.

I text my ex and called his dad. He's all right now; but he's also so drugged up on morphine that I'm not sure he even knows what he's saying. And I've just got news that my cousin is leaning more towards not having to have surgery, which is definitely good.

Maybe it'll just take time. I'd hate to put my life on hold and everything when it comes to getting my license and the party and stuff, but I'm not sure I feel safe enough to do any of that right now, even though I still want to. The accident could have happened to ANYONE! I mean, don't get me wrong, I already knew that, but I guess this time it just hit close to home. A little too close...

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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What about maybe moving your party to her hospital room, and having a handful of you go over and bring the party to her? That might be something that makes both of you feel better.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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I can't. As of now, they are only letting my aunt and uncle see her for no more than an hour every couple of hours- she's in ICU- much less let a bunch of 16 year old girls have a "party." She's going to be okay, though. They are just monitoring her really closely and running 23874903824328 test every hour. My ex is not out of the hosptial like I had hoped, and I'm not sure when he will be. Maybe tomorrow..? I had planned to go see him, but I decided not to. After texting him almost all day today, I feel like he's aggravated with me and like I'm intruding into his life. I'm just worried.. and he's fussing at me. So, I thought it'd be best to stay home.. I'll call his parents or something tonight.

I talked to a teacher/family friend today, and he said that I should just have the party like I planned to. She might not be able to be there, but I'm sure she wouldn't want all of us not having fun because she can't. Like he said, if I were in her shoes and her in mine, I would want the celebration to continue. So....

My mom and I just went see his car a little while ago. They are really lucky they're even alive! When I saw it and remembered all the good times that car has behind it, I broke down, briefly anyway. Now I just keep looking at the pictures. It doesn't seem real. I wish I could just wake up from a bad dream right now...

But thank you for everything, Heather. I think you can close the post now. I'll work through it on my own.

[ 03-26-2009, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: Typical Young and Dumb Teenager? ]

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing today.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Typical Young and Dumb Teenager?
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Friday night I was okay. I chilled with a few friends while my younger brother had his birthday party.

Last night was interesting. I celebrated my Sweet 16. All my girlfriends and I just partied, and because they weren't exactly in their right minds (if you get what I'm saying), a few of them called their ex boyfriends crying and telling them they missed them and stuff. I didn't, not that I didn't want to, because I knew that I would regret it in the morning. But it kind of made me miss him...

Right now I don't know what I feel about my ex. I don't know what's right and wrong when it comes to him, and honestly, I'm just flat confused.

Tomorrow I'm getting my license (if I can pass [Razz] ) and I intend on going visit him and his parents. I'll probably just ignore him, though, because it feels awkward again. But since I'm staying with a friend the next week/week and a half, I guess if I have an emotional breakdown she will help me out a little bit... I'll let you know how that goes.

I feel slightly better about the wreck now. My ex is now out of the hospital and has been since yesterday around noon, and although my cousin is still there, she's out of the ICU and into a regular room. I ended up offering my ex a ride to school if he wanted it because I thought it'd be the right thing to do and he did bring me everywhere for about a year.. But I doubt he'll ever need/want me to, which in the long run, I know will hurt my feelings at least once.

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Young and Dumb.
"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Happy belated! And good luck with your driving test.

I'm glad you're feeling better, and glad you were able to celebrate your birthday. It sounds like you're dealing with all of this pretty darn well.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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