Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Im so jealous and i don't know what to do!

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Im so jealous and i don't know what to do!
FAMBIAN28
Neophyte
Member # 38475

Icon 9 posted      Profile for FAMBIAN28     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am a very jealous person and I am not sure what to do. I think that I am going to mess up a really good relationship because I am so jealous. every time that someone comes to visited us I always think that they are a threat to my partner and I, they wanna take my partner away from me. Will someone please tell what i should do.

--------------------
-FAMBIAN28

Posts: 5 | From: PA | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sounds like you need to work on developing some trust.

Bear in mind that unless we are literally talking about kidnapping, no one can "take" your partner. he or she would have to also electively choose to go with that person.

But you're right: being this untrusting and this jealous can create real problems, including pushing a partner away. When someone doesn't trust you and wants to control you seeing other people, it's not healthy nor does it feels good, and a partner so convinced you'll leave them for someone else often winds up literally pushing their partner to do just that, if for no other reason than to find a relationship where they are trusted.

What's your history in this relationship? Do you feel like you know where these issues with trust are coming from? Do you think there are things you and/or you and your partner could do to help you develop more trust as well as less insecurity? Do you even feel like you can handle a relationship right now?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FAMBIAN28
Neophyte
Member # 38475

Icon 1 posted      Profile for FAMBIAN28     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I don't know if I'm trying to justify anything but I always say that I am not afraid of my partner cheating on me but what other people may try to do, I don't know if thats just an excuse or what. But i know that my partner has not done anything to me, for me not to trust her . But I am still afraid! i think that it's b/c of past relationships that have cheat.

--------------------
-FAMBIAN28

Posts: 5 | From: PA | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
But again, other people can't control your partner, or cheat without her involvement. So, sounds to me like what you always say probably isn't very true. This can't just be about other people when it comes to a partner cheating with someone else: that's their choice, too.

I don't know how things went with your other relationships per the cheating, but if you were convinced your partners were going to, and that showed in your behavior, it really can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Feeling your partner is convinced you're going to cheat can make you feel like you may as well, since the constant paranoia or accusation is there no matter what you're doing. See what I'm saying?

There's nothing we can do to force a partner to stay with us and only us. Nothing. A partner chooses to stay with us or not, and a lot of that is going to be based on the quality of our relationship, how we behave in it, and how we treat our partners. If a partner is very controlling and paranoid, a person is not going to be very inclined to stay.

It might help to really think on that, and also remember that your current partner isn't your past partners, and that the only common thread in both is you. So, what YOU can do to change any of YOUR behavior that needs changing is the only control you've got. If you have persistent problems with jealousy and a want to control, I'd suggest looking into some counseling for yourself to work on that.

Everything else is totally out of your hands, and that's just a risk we take in relationships. If we don't feel up to that risk, or like the benefits are worth that risk, then it's often best to opt out of relationships until we are comfortable with that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
FAMBIAN28
Neophyte
Member # 38475

Icon 1 posted      Profile for FAMBIAN28     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
thank you so much

--------------------
-FAMBIAN28

Posts: 5 | From: PA | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3