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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Emotionally Self Destructive Relationships

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Author Topic: Emotionally Self Destructive Relationships
Member # 37807

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I have a pattern when I get close to people in a "romantic" relationship where I seem to hit the self-distruct button and cannot seem to help blowing the relationship to peices.
I turn into a mean, manipulating person, changing the rules w/o informing the other person and seem to get distant, angrey and resentful.
I'm woundering if anyone else has had similar problems allowing someone to get close to them, and how they deal with the icky feelings that come along w/ being in a relationship.
I have not had a true relationship in almost three years because I felt that I was not emotionly mature enough to handle one, but now I'm thinking it would be nice to have someone else in my life, but I do not want to repeate this behavior for both mine and my future partners mental health.

[ 04-04-2008, 03:11 PM: Message edited by: sarahwashere87 ]

Posts: 22 | From: United States | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blue Koi
Member # 39785

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It's great that you recognized that you were not ready to have a relationship and were able to act accordingly. I've always had this thing at about 1 month, where I get distant and I always break it off because I was scared to get attached, my parents didn't want me dating, and I was afraid that since I was such a go-getter in life, having a relationship would impede my "progress" (I am very very heartless). What finally changed was that I was emotionally ready and just happened to meet the right person who was willing to fight for me when it came to that 1 month mark, I decided to try it (get over my fears of potentially getting hurt later IF we broke up, which, being a practical person, I knew had a really likely chance of happening because I was going to go off to college the next year), and it was a great relationship.

That was just my experience. Here are some helpful things you might want to check out

Ready or Not? THe Scarleteen Sex Readiness ChecklistHelpful hint on this one. For each question, pause and really answer the question, outloud or written down is even better. Sometimes I just skim read and go "yeah, yeah, I know all this," and sure I know the questions, but the key is to ANSWER the question and be honest!
Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models
This could be especially helpful in helping you answer your question: Potholes & Dead Ends: Relationship Roadblocks to Look Out For

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

Posts: 171 | From: USA/CHINA | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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