posted
I dont really know where to start. I just have to type right now. I need to get this out. I have daddy issues. A LOT of daddy issues. I know that now. Since I was very little, I had just a strong desire for a man. Someone to love me, and make me feel sexy and beautiful. I can't even count how many crushes I have had during my adolecence on boys. But it was always the same thing. Nobody liked me in the way I liked them. I was too dark or skinny or flat or whatever, atleast in MY mind I was. My dad left when I was 8. He isnt a bad guy. But he just wasn't there. I started really doing bad things. I smoked when I was 9, I had a boyfriend in grade 4 who I would makeout with HEAVILY. I WAS 9!! During Junior High, I struggled with my appearance. I thought I was fat, even though I was really really skinny, and ugly, even though I was perfectly fine and pretty in my own way. No matter which boy I liked I always thought I wasnt good enough. During High school, which is now, I realized that if I try, I can be attracted to girls. I have never been attracted to girls as a child, but now I guess I can if I let myself. I feel hopeless now. for men. I just dont think I will ever meet the right one. I dont think there is a right one for me. I have explored the possibility of being a lesbian. But I just dont think I could. There is still that longing inside me, for that man who will come and make me feel like I should. But with all the daddy issues, all the boy insecurities, it doesnt seem worth it. A relationship with a girl I think COULD be OK. Girls are pretty to look at and easy to get a long with, I can connect with them emotionally, like you would with a good friend. But I just dont see my longing being fufilled in that kind of relationship. I am just so depressed and hopeless. I have felt a lot of horrible emotions, but none is worse then having no hope. I feel so sad that I missed out on years with my dad. I feel sad that I could have had a male great role model, and now all I have is a resentment for men. I feel sad that my dad missed out on ME. Didn't I deserve to have him here? Was I NOT good enough? Is there something wrong with me that men just dont want to be here?I just feel sad, and I feel like I will never be complete. Where do I go from here? What do I do?
Posts: 5 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hey ohlala, please don't double post. You've posted this exact same thread in the Relationship section already.
-------------------- -joey Scarleteen Volunteer
"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand Posts: 8424 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005
| IP: Logged |
Copyright 1998, 2013 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.
Topic Closed
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
Printer-friendly view of this topic