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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Scared.

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Author Topic: Scared.
yohopanda
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Member # 35457

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My momma is really sick. She's having a really hard time breathing, and while they say she has a very severe form of sleep apnea, I don't believe it. She only has one of the symptoms, and she's off the charts for number of times she stops breathing during her sleep cycle (the high end of the scale is 30...she's at 80). I've started to think about how my life would be if she died, and I can't help but think that I would feel severely alone even though I have so much love around me (from my fiance, aunts, cousins, friends, etc). I also have a fear of the finances after she's gone. She has a large sum of money (surpassing a million), and she's giving me every dime. While most people would be glad to receive that sum of money, I find it a burden. I just don't know how well I'll be able to deal with my finances just after my mom dies. I know I'll be in a horrible state emotionally, and when I'm upset, I shop. A lot. I just don't want her hard work to go unappreciated. If I saved that money, I would be able to buy a nice house for my fiance and I to start a family in, but I'm just scared I wouldn't be able to save it.

While thinking of my mom dying, I started to think if my fiance died, of how heartbreaking that would be. He's a very, very strong boy, and there's probably a one in a million chance of him dying, but his inability to accept that he needs to go to the doctor scares me. The top of his foot hurts so bad he can hardly apply pressure on it. He's had the same cold I had for twice as long as I had it, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. He has a weird lump on his arm (it looks somewhat like a mole but a little more protruding), and it's been there for months. Things he should be going to the doctor for, but he doesn't. It also doesn't help that his work is working him 35 hours a week on top of a full schedule in college. Not allowing him to rest just makes it even harder for him to get over illnesses or injuries (or go to the doctor to get checked up for those illnesses and injuries).

I've tried everything to stop these thoughts. I've kept myself busy with going out with friends, playing video games with my fiance & friends, and if I'm alone I'll work on some project of mine. I try to only listen to happy songs, but nothing seems to be helping. Does anyone have some advice to help me put these thoughts to the back of my mind?

Posts: 26 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
yohopanda
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Member # 35457

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hello?
Posts: 26 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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I'm sorry your post was over-looked.

It sounds like your mother's condition is causing a lot of anxiety for you, which is completely understandable. Have you considered getting some help to deal with this? Maybe a school counselor would be a good person to start with. If nothing else, they should be able to refer you to someone who'll help you out.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
yohopanda
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Well, I would go see a school counselor, but I've heard horror stories about the ones at my college. I don't have medical insurance at the moment, so if I went to a regular therapist, it would be incredibly expensive.
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Gumdrop Girl
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where in CA are you? Most public health districts also include a mental health component, and provide counseling services for cheap.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
yohopanda
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I live in Santa Cruz county. It's just we can barely afford gas to put in the car, so I'd rather not ask my fiance to give up necessities just so I can talk to someone. I'd feel really selfish, even if I really needed the help. The only place I know that is free is at my school, so I'll probably just go there I guess :\.
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LilBlueSmurf
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I have severe sleep apnea. I have a continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) machine and as long as I sleep w/ that, I'm fine.

Does she only have trouble/stop breathing in her sleep? Is she using a CPAP machine?

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Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
crazymonkey
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About the finances, a potential option to prevent you from using it is put some or most of it in a trust fund. my friend has one and after you put the money in, you cannot touch that money for a period of time like 2-5 years depending on what the terms are. in that case, at least it could buy you some time to get over the emotional shopping frenzy to prevent you from using it on impulse.
Posts: 28 | From: Hawaii | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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