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Author Topic: Why do I keep doing this?
colombianabi
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Member # 29459

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It's almost every day now. Every single day I go to my dad's liquor cabinet and drink..... a lot. . But it's like I can't think straight if I don't have ANY alcohol. It's the one thing that makes me happy, I guess.....

I mean, I enjoy it and it makes me happy, but it has gotten me into so much trouble before. I have done things that I have always regretted when I wake up the next morning. But, if I don't have any, I feel that I'll be an emotional mess. I constantly cry and alcohol makes me happy if only for a little.

It's like I have 2 opitions:
1. Stay sober and be completely upset over god-knows-what
or...........
2. Drink and at least be happy until the morning.

Then in the morning, I drink some more to get over what I did that last night. I know this is wrong, and I want to stop, but I also want to be happy. And I can't see myself being remotely happy without a drink in my hand.

Sorry that this is so long, I just need some answers, thats all.

Posts: 15 | From: Florida | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
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Member # 17924

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You know, this sounds like a pretty typical case of alcohol abuse.

By continuing to drink, you put yourself is a pretty bas position. We tend not to think too clearly when we're intoxicated, and that can lead to some nasty situations. As well, you put your body under a lot of stress and can cause yourself some serious health problems.

Can you tell us where, specifically, you live in FL so that maybe we can find you a support group/detox center? Really, you need to break out of this cycle; it isn't healthy.

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Abbie
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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
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Member # 1679

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Have you spoken to anybody about this?

If not, then I'd start there. You know, you listed two options there, but really there is a third...get some help so that you can learn how to deal with the "god-knows-what" without the alcohol. Everything that you've said in this post really screams that if you don't already have a problem with alcohol, you certainly will have one in a very short time. So how about getting some assistance?

(Again with the mind melding! [Smile] )

[ 07-19-2007, 11:39 AM: Message edited by: KittenGoddess ]

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Sarah Liz

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SleepyFox
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Well, you first need to realize that alcohol is a depressant, and it automatically relaxes you. But over time the effects of alcohol will change, and you may never get your "happy" induced feeling again. Also associating a particular feeling with a substance is a sign to the road of addiction.

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Non ducor duco

Posts: 27 | From: Florida | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Honey, I am hardly making a big leap here when I say that your drinking is likely connected to your difficulties you have with dealing with your rape and the difficulties it's presenting for your relationship. It's no wonder that you're feeling upset about this, and alcohol can seem like a nice vacation from that.

While visiting an AA meeting might be a good start, I am really going to encourage you again to seek out counseling for your rape. That is most likely the reason why you're feeling like this, and getting to the root of the problem (as in, dealing with your rape) is going to be a big, big step to overcoming this alcohol problem.

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-joey
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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colombianabi
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Member # 29459

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Well, I went to the therapist the other day to talk about what happened. It actually started off well, and I told her about how I thought it might be good to talk to someone who would hear me out. I started by telling her about the drinking, but when she started getting into why I drink.......lets just say I didn't take it so well. I started crying, and I know she wanted to know what it was.

But she kept asking me all these questions I din't want to answer and......it's a feeling like I couldn't explain. Its was the most nerve-rattling thing I've ever endured. It scared me......to death. And I has crying and hysterical, and I felt this enormous pressure from being in the therapists office. And I couldn't think and I couldn't talk and I froze up.

So I ran......and ran.....and ran....and cried. I'm actually surpised I didn't dehydrate =O. Though it was a relief to talk to someone.....it was so much harder to.....relive it. I don't know how to say it. And I want her to help me. I've heard the miracles that therapists can do with anyone. I want to get over my emotional baggage or whatever it's called.

But I'm so embarrassed. This lady has GOT to believe that I'm a serious nutjob. When I was in her office, I kept thinking about what she thought of me. And I'm really hesitant to go back after my whole outburst.

I mean I would drink before the rape heppened, so it's hard for me to see where the two connect. I mean it used to be a lot more fun to drink for me than it is now. I didn't drink that much until well over a month after the rape happened, if not longer. So if they were connected, wouldn't I go drink the next morning?

So I'm kinda lost about how to get past that barrier with the therapist. I don't know if I could ever tell anyone, but I want her to help me. I'm completely clueless when it comes to therapy and emotions and all the stuff. [Confused]

Posts: 15 | From: Florida | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Aw, babe. It's SO okay. And I'm sure she doesn't think all the things you're thinking" therapists are really used to clients reacting in all KINDS of different ways.

(And you know, I did the same thing at least twice with my high school therapist, really.)

Therapy is something that happens slow, over time. So, don't feel like you have to somehow, miraculously, just open up and divulge everything out of nowehere: no good therapist would expect that of you, and you shouldn't expect that of you, either.

Honestly, it sounds to me like you had a pretty good experience, even if you were alone for part of it. if you can set aside ideas of what someone might think of you, how do YOU feel?

In terms of how your drinking issue and the rape are connected, there is no "supposed to." No matter what. But honestly, what you're describing throughout this post is pretty textbook alcoholism: you can't be happy unless you drink, and you also drink to avoid being UNhappy. So, I'm SO glad you're willing to look at all of this and that you initiated therapy.

You CAN go back, but since it's no rush, why not just process what that all brought up for you and how you feel over the next couple of days without worrying about what happens when you go back?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67131 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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