posted
Call it hormones, but I think I'm depressed... for a *seemingly* no real reason at all.
Well... at least that's how it feels at least. Idk... well this weekend I'm supposed to get my hair cut. And by cut I mean all flippin 20inches of it (idk HOW long, but you get the point...). It's been long my whole life and my family's hesitant on letting me cut it.
I think I'm trans, though.. it just doesn't FEEL right, it being so short and all... but they don't get it. My dad's pretty much in DENIAL I could even think of liking girls.. and yet he doesn't want me liking guys either (I'm 16, mind you...).
Well anyways, basically a lot of hassle's going on right now... and I feel more depressed than ever, really.... It feels kinda like no one in my family gets me; they all laugh at me for being guy-ish (I been since basically like five..), and for anything different I try and do. Call it jealousy if you will, or even denial....
Anyways, also I been kinda depressed cause now I REALLY feel like I don't belong... not even in my own BODY (hahaha) because I'd rather.. idk, be a guy, y'know?... It was my birthday wish, really, ever since I could remember, though, to be a guy.... Ya... strange, but whatev.....
Soo... I guess I'm just looking for people to, idk, help relate... so I don't feel bad... and no I'm not even CONSIDERING suicide an option... but I hate to feel emo; I already feel dead.
-------------------- what makes the one to shake you down? each touch belongs to each new sound say now you want to shake me too move down to me slip into you Posts: 74 | From: BOBD | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
No reason at all? You just gave me a heaping pile of reasons!!!
You've got self-esteen issues. You're gender dysmorphic. Your family disapproves of your look. Your family disapproves of your sexual orientation. Your family (and you) are having trouble dealing ith your budding sexuality.
Looks like you have much to be fretting over. Really, you need to talk to a therapist who specializes in gender identity isues. Call your doctor. Call your ugidance counselor. Call SOMEBODY. You've got internet, surely you can look for a support group in your area that deals with queer youth?
posted
hahaha. Yeah... but it's hard for me to do stuff in RL.... My family's REALLY over-protective of me, so it's kind of hard to go out and like meet therapists/youth groups like that.
My dad works at Wal-mart/teaching 24/7 (I don't have a mom; she left when I was like seven...), and he's sort of PARANOID I'll die no matter what I do.... like he won't let me go swimming for fear I'll drown (not even in a kiddie pool..), and never let me ride a bike, for fear I'd break my head open.
But yeah.... if it was online it might be easier... which makes sites like this easier. But idk.... I just can't MEET anyone physically in person.
And.... call it the depression talking (cause usually when I get so darn depressed I end up LIKING the flippin feeling..), but I guess... I guess I'm starting to LIKE the feeling being depressed..... Is this healthy?
See, to draw (my lifelong passion), I NEED to cry, I NEED to. And... well, I haven't drawn since like December (properly, like with tears, I mean...) but lately since depressed I can, though....
Is it... is it worth being depressed to have the ability to draw, or is that something mentally wrong with me/the depression talking again, or what?.. :?
EDIT: also... I go to a christian school (even though I'm non-religious completely.. my dad just forces me to) it makes me a tad hesitant to join one of those groups.... After all, I could probably get kicked out of the school if anyone knew I went... and my dad would be MAJOR disappointed and, chances are, WOULDN'T want me to go at all.
-------------------- what makes the one to shake you down? each touch belongs to each new sound say now you want to shake me too move down to me slip into you Posts: 74 | From: BOBD | Registered: Jul 2006
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But idk.... I just can't MEET anyone physically in person. 
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