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Author Topic: Second Life...
Janus
Neophyte
Member # 33557

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Hello all,

I stumbled upon this website tonight and have
been reading through some of the boards. I have always
considered myself as an outcast of sorts. I never ran
with the popular people and I did not play sports. I
went home everyday and I just sat around and played games.
Then I hit the middle school years where I inadvertantly
was flying through the channels and I saw it. I saw a couple
having sex. Granted it was porn (quality was not great) this
was my first and only exposure to sex in appx. 13 years. (I
am to this day a sheltered person in one life.) However, this
day marked the beginning of my acting career. A year later
I was watching the Howard Stern Radio Show when a woman stripped
and I did not even realize that I was fondling myself. I went
upstairs and it happened. My first ejaculation. It scared me
and I snuck downstairs to evaluate what has happened. This is
the second milestone in my other life. Meanwhile, I continued
to be a bright, witty, young man to the rest of the world. I
am now 18 years old and so far I have been able to live two lives (in my eyes).
I am a completely different person when I am alone. No one would
suspect that I do what I do. I have seen and downloaded videos that
would make my parents all but disown me. Yet, no one is aware of
what I am doing. I work at a local computer shop and I am well
aware of how to make nasty little secrets on your computer just up
and disappear. I guess this is a gift and a curse. Anyhow, the
reason that I am writing this is because I want to know from others how
long did you live like this. Do/did you treat your sexual exploration
the same way that I treated mine (almost as if it were a taboo). I
was raised in a Christian household and I deeply hold these beliefs
when it comes to premarital sex. At this time I simply cannot see things from another
perspective. I would gladly answer any questions from others wondering about
my beliefs. I want to stay open minded about this. (Some people have this
weird stereotype that as me being a Christian I am not open to new ideas and
everything that occurs in their life is wrong and I think they should go
to hell for it.) I have not had sex with a parter yet because
I choose to wait until after marriage. All of the people I know from
high school (literally ALL of them) seem to tell me how their sex
life is. A friend of mine called me and asked me if I "did it" (his words)
with my ex-girlfriend. I said "No" with a sense of pride. However...
I just have to wonder what if I would have. I realize that my questions
are all of an opinionated nature, but I still would like to know what
my life could have been like up to this point. At the moment, I have prety well perfected this facade of keeping others clueless. God (if you do not believe in God disregard this, I'm not here
to debate religion with you), Myself and You the reader are the only ones who
know about this. This subject still burns in me. I know it is a part of me,
but I don't know if I am willing to accept it quite yet.

~Janus (Google "Janus"...)

--------------------
I think what I think, I say what I say and I do what I do because I have the will to. I cannot control what you say, think or do and I do not wish to have control. I simply want to know why.

Posts: 6 | From: Not Important | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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Janus,

I'm not entirely sure what you're asking here, since there seem to be a lot of different threads to your thoughts right now.

Do many people learn about sexuality in an atmosphere that treats it as something taboo or dirty or shameful? Yes, and that's really unfortunate and frankly dangerous and generally unhealthy. There's nothing shameful or dirty about sexuality. It's a natural, human experience. And wanting to explore one's sexuality is also a natural thing. Our sexual selves are also not separate from us, they are a part of us. Masturbating doesn't make someone a "different person." They're still the same person they were before...they are just somebody who masturbates (just like most of the rest of the world). If you choose not to be sexually active with a partner or to abstain from any number of activities for whatever reason, that's fine. We all have choices about what we are comfortable with in our lives, so by all means, make the choices that are best for YOU.

--------------------
Sarah Liz

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Janus
Neophyte
Member # 33557

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That is basically what I wanted to know. I
am not the type of person who jokes around
and talks about sex. I don't really know what
is considered acceptable and what is not. I
spend most of my life behind a computer screen
playing games or writing code. Thanks.

~Janus

Posts: 6 | From: Not Important | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, it's normal for people to talk about their lives.

And sex and sexuality are part of everyone's lives, to greater and lesser degrees.

In terms of discussing sex and sexuality, everyone has different boundaries and different arenas of privacy, so there isn't any one way to talk about it that's considered acceptable by everyone, everywhere. But by all means, if you're not comfortable discussing sex with friends, you certainly can opt out of those conversations, or express a wish not to have them.

But one word of advice?

Get out.

Seriously: at least now and then, get out. Politics about porn aside, there is general agreement form all sides that it's not healthy for most people to have a sexuality or social life that is 100% wrapped up in pornography.

If you're waiting for sex until marriage, by all means, that's fine, but hanging out with friends, maybe going on a date now and then with a woman who is real, taking at least SOME time away from the pronography and not having your whole sexual self wrapped up in it and defined by it are all things that will benefit you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Janus
Neophyte
Member # 33557

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I will get out again sometime. I still fume time to time because my girlfriend ( granted my first and only one) cheated on me. She was the only girl that "met" my standards. I don't know if that is something that I should do or if I should just accept people even though there are things about them that I know will hinder progress past the BF/GF stage. When you watch how people act around teachers, professors or other adults you cannot get an accurate image. If you wait until they are with their friends you will know exactly how they act there. The only issue is that I cannot seem to get past most of the things that I see occur when people are with their friends. It took WELL into my teenage years to find ONE girl who lived up to the way she said she lived. I don't want to have any part of that relationship being dropped on the next girl that I date. Thanks for all of the advice thus far.

~Janus

[ 04-27-2007, 01:55 AM: Message edited by: Janus ]

Posts: 6 | From: Not Important | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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