I need some help with the flash backs I have been having lately. They are coming all the time and I can hear the things he said to me when he did it and I feel like he is touching me again and looking at me. It makes me throw up, it makes me get so sick I cant stop shaking. I have been having these all the time in the last few days. If I finally fo manage to fall asleep I have nightmares about it and wake up crying and cant go back to sleep.
I keep remembering the first times it happened, which are the most painful for me to think about. I can remember his face and eveything so so clearly and I cant get it out of my head. Afterwards when I was younger he would always tell me things like he had to do it so that I learned how to do it so that I wouldnt get into trouble when I was older. And that he had to because I made him do it from being bad and stuff and he never wanted to. I can hear him saying that, exactly how he did say it, and it makes me so mad.
I dont know how to make them go away I try to distract myself but I just want to curl up so noone can touch me and cry. But I can hear him and see him in my head. Its just too much for me right now, I cant deal with it for too much longer, I feel so dirty and sick.
Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004
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I think perhaps it might be useful to have some kind of strong emotional goodbye. It's hard, but you need to be able to get to a point where you aren't troubled by him any more. That's what I mean. Firstly, some sort of 'cleansing ritual' may be useful. Maybe burn photographs of him, or put things that remind you of him into a locked box and throw it away. Secondly, for the actual times when you're having a flashback, meditation might help. Try lying on cushions or however you're comfortable, and put some music on. I recommend those dolphin/whale sound tapes you can get, or especially this great little CD by Ludovico Einaudi - you can get it here. http://www.berm.co.nz/cgi-bin/amazonscript/product.cgi?asin=B0000AM74Z&mode=classical&locale=uk I'd recommend missing out Questa Notte (Track 7) though - it's too turbulent for meditation really. Anyway, once you've put the music on, try to visualize the music, if you know what I mean. If that's the soundtrack, what's the picture? I really hope this helps you. You truly deserve to be happy.
-------------------- “In a strange room, before you are emptied for sleep, what are you. And when you are filled with sleep you never were. I don’t know what I am. I don’t know if I am or not... how often have I lain beneath rain on a strange roof, thinking of home.” Posts: 1269 | From: London, UK | Registered: Jun 2006
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