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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » I think I need some help with this (Page 2)

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Author Topic: I think I need some help with this
Shimmer
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Nixie, i've just read this whole thread, and i must say how strong you truly are, and by getting the help you need here and through counseling it can only make you stronger. i care, just as so many others here at Scarleteen do, and i hope you decide to report this man, because as others have said it's possible that he's out there raping other women/girls who are just as scared to report him. but courage is not the absence of fear, it is acting in spite of it. and i know you can do it.

my thoughts and prayers go out to you, and your relationship with your boyfriend. i can't really put myself in your shoes since i haven't experienced anything remotely close to what you have, but i feel i'd crave the support of my boyfriend in a time like this, it's not something i could keep hidden from him, i think i'd want him to know and understand the situation. but i know and respect that you're not ready to tell him just yet. take care of yourself though, try to stand firm for your own well being when it comes to sexual activity with him. you're not ready to tell him about what happened, but you're not ready for sex either. and as much as he cares for you he can't understand why unless you tell him.

{{{many hugs}}}

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nixieGurl
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He hurt me again at work tonight. I just got home. I took a shower, I just wanted the dirty feeing to go away. I am going to report him in the morning. I was too shaken to do it tonight. I feel so sick. I cant stop shaking. I feel so discusting. I know I have to report him. I cant do this all oover again. But I cant do it tonight. I needed to come here and I needed to get this out. I feel so cold and sick. I dont really know what else to say. I just need to get through tonight and then I can go in the morning. I am tryingg so hard. I know I need to do it. I just feel so sick. I guess I dont know what else to say, I just need to be here to keep busyy so i can stop shaking
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cool87
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Nixie, he raped you again ?

You want to talk about it ? Feel free to if you feel comfortable. Let your feelings out. We're here to listen to you.

If it's too painful for you, then there's no problems. You just seem so much comfortable talking to us about things (I think you said so too) so if you're not ready to talk about it with a counselor or something like that right now but feels more doing so with us then do it. It might help you being more comfortable while doing it later with your counselor. That won't be you first time talking about it if you know what I mean, you'll have gone over those memories with us at least once. That will be easier.

So feel free to share more things with us if you want to, whatever it is.But I understand that you've just gotten over it again so this might be still too fresh for you to talk about it.

[ 08-08-2006, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
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Nix, CALL YOUR COUNSELOR.

Okay? Have you done that? If you have not done that, please do.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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nixieGurl
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I just called her, I got through the night. I havnt slept yet, I tried to but I couldnt. Im going to see her today. Then we are going to the center and then we will go from there. Im so scared. I am still shaking and feeling sick. I dont know if I want to do this anymore. Its so hard.
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Heather
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I know, babe.

(Oy, that we can't give you a hug online. It's criminal, I tell you.)

I have a feeling today is going to resolve really well for you, I do. Go to your counselor, go to the center, and give yourself all the time you need there to explore your options and find out all the possibilities. If you feel even THIS able to report today, I suggest you take that leap and do it.

I just don't see any other option here, save moving to another country and changing your identity. At this point, it's pretty clear that the only thing that is going to keep this guy away from you is being behind bars.

We're rooting for you, nix.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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nixieGurl
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Thanks Miz Scarlet,

I didnt even see him there last night its just when I closed up and went out to my car he was waiting out there and it was dark so i didnt see him, but i should have been careful. I was just too scared to do anything. I just feel so stupid and so dirty. I still just feel so sick. I hate this [Frown]

Im scared [Frown] I dont wanna do this anymore but I dont wanna be hurt anymore. My family is gonna be so mad with me. I just keep seeing his face.

Thank you for being here again. I really nedd it right now.

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Heather
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Of course, Nixie.

This isn't you being stupid. This is someone else victimizing you and being criminal.

Let's not worry about your family right now. I know it's a pervasive concern, and it's not something anyone could expect you not to be worried about, but the most important issue right now is getting you to a point where you are safe and can really start to heal.

(FYI, please let your counselor or the center know that if we can help at all with your case, we're glad to. Just having so much of this long process documented here at the boards might be of help.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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nixieGurl
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Ok Im going to see my counselor now. Then we will go to the center. She said she can help me tell my friends who I live with if I would like her to be there. But Im not ready to do that. Im afraid of what they will think of me.

I will try not to worry about my family. Its hard not to. Its really making me have second thoughts in this.

I will make sure to tell her what you said, thanks Miz Scarlet. Well I guess I better go [Frown] Im so afraid. I wish I didnt have to do this.
Well, I guess I will post later on, and let you know how it goes. It helps to write some of this stuff out. Thank you again.

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wobblyheadedjane
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We're all thinking of you and rooting for you Nixie. Lots of vibes and strong thoughts coming at you from this side of the world.

--------------------
Unlucky at cards; lucky at love.

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nixieGurl
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Im home again. I did it. It was hard, and Im not sure if its what I really wanted to do or not. But I did it. And I do understand, that what I want and what I need to do, will not always be the same thing. So I know I had to do it so that I dont have to feel like this again, hopefully ever.

I am exhausted, it was a long day for me and I didnt sleep last night at all. My counselor has put aside time for me with her everyday for the next week if I want to talk. I have so much swimming around inside my head I just dont know how to sort it all out and make sense of it all. Im still scared. At this stage, I dont knwo what is going to happen with him. Alot of today is a blur to me, maybe it was just from being tired.

We went to the hospital and had an exam done because I was still hurting and have some scar tissue in there which was making things a bit uncomfortable to say the least. Well I really need to lay down for a while. I just feel so drained right now. I just want all of this out of my head. When will this sick feeling go away? [Frown]

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cool87
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(Edited sorry just didn't saw this topic had two pages [Smile] )

[ 08-09-2006, 11:32 AM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
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Nixie, I can't tell you how glad and relieved I am to hear that. Not sure if it matters, but I am SO proud of you: that's such an awesome and brave step for you to have taken, and I know how terribly hard it can be.

That's awesome about your counselor giving you that time: she sounds like a fantastic, caring person who is really doing her job. I'd encourage you to avail yourself of that time, every day if you need it.

Per the "sick" feeling, it's really hard to say, but it is safe to say that in time, over time, it'll generally be less and less, with some tough spots sometimes in between. But it'll get better, I promise.

I hope you get some good rest, and can rest better having reported.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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nixieGurl
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Thanks Miz Scarlet,

I still dont feel so good about it today. Im so worried about my family and others finding out about this. And they will. And I feel guilty for his family, and I feel like I have let everybody down. I dont know if I made the right choice [Frown] Im starting to feel that it was a really selfish thing to do.

I did get a little sleep last night but still had nightmares about him. I know how to get rid of those, I have tried almost everything.

I just am not sure anymore, I am scared of losing my family, they will be so angry, and I will be completely alone and it scares me.

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