I have a friend who is recovering from anorexia. She no longer has the disorder, but she is still monitored by doctors and consellors on a regular basis. This girl has recently noticed some signs that another girl we know from school may have an eating disorder. Her clothes have started to fit looser than before and she talks about how few calories she eats in a day, etc. At school we see her eat a lunch of a small salad and she doesn't turn down treats when they're offered to her, but my friend and I know that this doesn't mean there is nothing wrong. My friend, having just gone through this and knows how hard it is to understand that you have a problem and how hard it is to get through it, wants to help this girl, but she isn't sure what to do. She feels that when she started to starve herself, nothing could have helped her understand that she had a problem. It took until she had serious symptoms such as loss of period, yellowing skin, loosing lots of hair to realize something was wrong, and she said it took a while for that to happen. She doesn't think she could have gotten out of it until it took its course, but she knows it can be dangerous, so she wants to help the girl she is noticing, but she doesn't know what to do. They are not close friends, but their friendship is getting closer over time. What should she do in this situation?
Posts: 12 | From: Vancouver, Canada | Registered: Mar 2003
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if it's cool, i'm gonna send this to support groups for more input.
i'll also add the question: for those of you who have had eating disorders and recovered from them, how would you like to have been approached? Did you want someone to speak up and notice? Did you hope to hide the ED? If people did notice, what did they say to you? Was that good? If not, how could things gone better?
I can't answer the original question, as eating disorders are touchy subjects, but I'll give my answer to Gummy's questions.
I'd like to to be noted that I'm recoverING, and still prone to relapses at times.
People noticed me becoming thinner, but not my parents. they just used to say "jeez, you're skinny!" I actually told my boyfriend of the time, now my fiance, that I had the problem. I knew full well I had a problem and made no attempt to hide it, but nor did I willingly admit to it. My fiance found out after some time in my company, due to my severe moodswings and periods of depression which were linked with it. No one really stopped to consider I might have a disorder, even though I dropped to two stone (28lb) underweight, and to this day still am 1 1/2 stone (21lb) under what I should weigh.
It's tough to say if it could have gone better. I don't think it could. I think that my partner did the best he could in the circumstances, which was be there, try to reassure me, and try to make sure I ate, even if it was just little and often instead of big meals. My system is quite screwed up now from it all - I can only eat small amounts at a time - but if someone had dragged me to counselling/insisted I see a doctor, I think it would have actually made me worse. I still have real issues with accepting help for this from anyone but my partner.
I think really that my situation has been handled in the best way it could have done, but what is right for me is not necessarily the best way to handle someone else with this problem. I'm an extremely independant person, and I hate needing other people's help, but some people are more willing to take it and will admit more readily to having a problem. It's truly dependant on the person.
I'm am recovering from an eating disorder also.
I remember when it first started I was big on trying to hide it. It was my way of controling life and I didn't want anyone to take that away from me.
After a couple years some of my friends had noticed what was going on (I wouldn't eat when we went out places, and stuff like that) and they actually didn't come talk to me before they went and told a leader in my youth group about how they were worried about me. I really didn't like that (I wouldn't recomend doing it that way) When my youth leader talked to me about it, I felt like they were ganging up on me because no one decided to talk to me before it became a really big deal.
I really didn't think I was doing any thing wrong, like I didn't even think I had a disorder or w/e it was just my way to deal with the world and no one seemed to understand that.
If I could have changed something about the way my friends spoke up about my ed I would probably have hoped that they would have tried to talk to me about it before they went and told anyone else. I was really upset at them at first but now I know that it was for the best and they only did it because they cared about me.
I don't really know what to tell DJ what he or his friend should do. I just wanted to share my experience and I hope maybe it helped in some way.
*hugs and bugs* Dawn
------------------ "And I feel like I'm still there, spinning round and round, and the ride won't stop, and I won't dare get off"
[This message has been edited by lillostguardgirl (edited 06-03-2005).]
I thought i'd jut give my input. I have an ED, i'm not recovering, nor do i really have any wish to recover. The people who know, a couple of friends and my boyfriend, try to help and show me what i'm doing to myself. But i really don't think any recovery effort is gonna help, until i myself am truly ready to recover.
Posts: 88 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2002
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