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Author Topic: Why can't I just be normal?
ruffled_cat
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Member # 17260

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Hi everyone. I'm kind of new to these boards. I have a bit of a problem though, and I was hoping I could get a little advice

When I was younger, I was sexually molested. Ever since then, I've had this love hate relationship with sex and physical contact. In the last two years, my loving boyfriend has made it easier to be open about sex and physical love, but I still have a problem.

I can't, for the life of me, look at, think about, or even say the names of male genitals. At all. It might seems kind of funny, but it's really frustrating to me. It's almost, almost, to the point of being a phobia. I mean, I'm not afraid of them. I'm just really embarassed and shy. I can't even talk about this with my boyfriend, because I'm so ashamed. I'm 20 years old and really hope that I can have sex one of these days without feeling like I'm about to die from embarassment. After all, I can't tell him I have a headache for the rest of my life.

Am I just crazy?


Posts: 2 | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Have you not had any sort of counseling or therapy yet or recently?
Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ruffled_cat
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I have, actually, but I never seemed to connect to the people that were there to help me. Maybe I'm overly cynical, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't help when a therapist tells you that you're crazy.
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Heather
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No, it most certainly would not.

But it likely would to have one -- preferably experienced in working with sexual abuse survivors -- who could give you some support, help you learn to process and aid you in working out the sorts of issues you're having right now, which are all incredibly common for survivors, especially those who haven't had any opportunity to work through all the residual issues abuse leaves in its wake.

So, I'd make a point of making some calls to seek one out. I know that I can't imagine having gotten to a healthy place in terms of the abuse in my life without the therapist I had. In the interim, I think you'll also find a lot of help in Staci Haines' book "The Survivor's Guide to Sex."

Ultimately, having sex with any partner who isn't informed and aware of your abuse -- and the feelings it has left you with, where you're at with them -- is generally NOT a good idea, especially when you're at the point you are at. So, if you're having to just put it off and tell someone you have a headache rather than being honest, either now really isn't a good time for sex yet and/or that isn't a good partner for you. But it sounds like it's the former, rather than the latter.

But you're probably going to need some help getting there.


Posts: 68006 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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