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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » feelin this....

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Author Topic: feelin this....
Member # 17046

Icon 13 posted      Profile for NoLabel07     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ok im beginning to feel this. sometimes, it just begins where an how i was born. dad left when i was 2, never showed up sense. no letters no cards, no child support. whose been here for me the whole time? my mum. then theyres g-ma, n the rest of the family, but mostly my mum. now my mum an i are sadly growing apart, constantly fighting. she says that i dont really matter, but she goes back saying that she loves me? she says one thing, meaning more than what she knows. i dont know what she thinks in her head, but i have found some horrible things just the other day. she keeps things from me about my life, and i feel it in the house. yes i am thankful for having a stepdad. we all fight at times, sometimes its all good. but in the end will it really matter? sometimes i just need to let things go. like the things that they tend to say hurt more than they mean it to. and i know they dont mean to hurt me, but it really does. they say my grades arent good enough, when i have almost straight A's. and that im not active enough, (they say antisocial) but when i ask to leave the house the answer is almost always no? i have now gotten in the thoughts of God more than before, and have asked him/her to give me a sign. he has shown me many and i dont know how to put the pieces all together right now. but i know that to succeed in life i have to live it. its just that sometimes its so hard to be everything demanded of you. you friends start to see the home life dwelling on the inside, and they dont know what to say or how to even react. the boyfriend wants you out of the house as much as possible, to get away from stress and just have fun. which i totally agree upon. but going back on the topic of my biological father, hes gone, but still in me. its like he died. but every day i keep finding more stuff. like divorce papers, and pictures. i found a few cards which he wrote "love dad" and little centimentals like dolls. mum kept all this from me for a reason, she doesnt know i have found them. and as long as i stand here, she wont. because it will turn into another arguement and its not worth the tears. so i can keep going on with life and knowing its not going to change unless i put it on myself, or i get into a fight about this and see where it leads to. is there any advise on anything?

.you belong here with me.
I'll be your beautiful mistake

Posts: 9 | From: germantown,md,usa | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17082

Icon 1 posted      Profile for honeycombz     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I understand a bit, about how you feel. I too fight with my mom sometimes, and I too, have lived without much knowledge about by birth father (or any). I know so little, have never seen a picture, or anything, I know only that I apperently look a lot like him.

I fight with my mom about my grades as well, but hold many high averages. My mom put me through therapy because she thought that I didn't have enough frinds.

I really hope that you manage to fit those pieces together in the right order. Do you really think that she would not want to talk to you about your father? If she kept all those things, she must have wanted to share them with you at one point or another, when she thought you were ready... funny thing, they need to be ready too, and often that takes awhile.

My unprofessional advice would be to bring up the subject of your dad on a day where she is either in a good mood or makes mention of him. Maybe do not mention the stuff you found, but ask her questions in general, if she sees that you are interested, then perhaps she would share that with you.

Again, I hope that everything turns out right.

Dancing - a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire

[This message has been edited by honeycombz (edited 03-05-2004).]

Posts: 15 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17438

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i kno wat u r going through i constanly fight with the mother figure and lord knows when the last time that ispoke to my dad. i can tell u this though, if u speak honestly with her she'll understand. and if she wont hear u out, write her a letter.
Posts: 10 | From: bronx | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 7343

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It is okay to tell your mom that you are curious about your biological father. Ask her to share what she knows about him. Tell her it is not some desire to replace, but that you have a natural curiousity and would like some information. Heck having some info about health and stuff will be useful when you want a family down the road. I am sure your mom will be open to telling you about him. Just as you want her to be aware of your feelings, be aware of hers too. Talking things out in a calm manner is always better then fighting. Our dinner table became the place, because no one would fight, and we could talk. Try talking to her when she is in a receptive mood. Good luck

You are a girl, you have a vagina. I have a penis, not girls. (I real conversation with my 2.5 year old in the shopping center no less)

Posts: 234 | From: Ottawa, Ont, Canada | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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