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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » My friend JJ

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Author Topic: My friend JJ
BiLLaBaBy017
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Member # 6514

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For about a month and a half or so, I have been in this program called TSP (transition support program). It's where teens 16-21 that have mental illnesses come for 2.5 hours everyday and talk about their problems, what they can do to make their life easier and are taught how to live independently. I am bipolar, and I've been bipolar for about 7 years.

Very great and helpful program I might add. Well, I have recently made a new friend whose name is JJ. He has had a troubled life and I need some support.

Here's my story:
JJ has had such a horrible past with his family; his mom abusive, and his dad, homeless and an alcoholic. With his history, he has become violent and short with everyone in group and it scares me.

A few weeks ago, he tried to commit suicide. He was in the hospital for a few days and I went to visit him. He told me that from excessive drinking because of his parents, he has developed a liver problem which he could die from if he doesn't stop. He was also told by his doctor that his thyroid cells were low (or something to that effect) and they have to manipulate his cells (surgery) in order for him to live. The surgery is difficult and life-threatening. He only has 30% chance of living.

I am scared for him not just for this surgery, but for his safety as well. He has been in trouble with the police for his behavior and fighting etc and says he'll do better, but there's been absolutely no change. I have listened to him, been there for him when he has needed me, and given him all the advice I have to offer. But, he just doesn't listen to me.

He keeps telling me that he's going to do better in program and try to be able to live on his own but I guess it's just hard for him b/c of his harsh past and I don't know what I can do for him anymore. He is a good person and he needs comfort etc and that's what I'm giving him. I've been a great friend to him though haven't I?

This surgery really scares him, and he said he doesn't want to die b/c he'll never get to see me again. I am really stuck and I wish that I could go in his place so he could try to have a better life. He's a really good guy at heart, all he needs is a little TLC.

I don't know what to do with him anymore. People have tried to help him but none of us think he listens. I know he's afraid of the surgery coming up at the end of March and I feel for him... I just wish that there was something else that I could do for him.

It's really upsetting for me b/c I don't think he's listening to me. I've made so much of an effort to try and get him to understand certain things, but I feel like everything I've been saying/doing is falling on deaf ears.

I just need to get all of this out. I can't keep this bottled up anymore.

Am I being a good friend to him? Is there something that I'm doing wrong? Is there something that I should be telling him that I'm not?

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--B--

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Yesterday is history
Tomorrow is mystery
Today is a gift


Posts: 294 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sweettweet22
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Member # 15787

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sorry that you haven't gotten a reply (I know how that feels)- hope it's not to late... I think you are being a great friend, jus keep talking to him and telling him to jus hang in there and enjoy each day, and try to forget his past (even if it tries to haunt him...tell him to try his hardest to ignore it)- talkin to you, can help that (it helped me)- maybe he can use this site (it's a lot of help too)- but one important thing, is to give him lost of space (don't stalk him or watch his evry move, cuz that can make him real uncomfortable)- but...I don't know what else to say, cept to be there for him as much as you can- and enjoy all the time you have together (before it's too late)- I hope he's doin a lil better (and the surgery goes/went well)

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


Posts: 99 | From: FL | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MelMel15
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Member # 17004

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The best thing you can do to ease his worries is to be positive, and try to help him enjoy the time leading up to the surgery. It might be comforting if you check in while the surgery is being conducted, and let JJ know that you plan to do so. It might be nice if you can tell him that despite his past, he's a good person now, and that you honestly hope he comes out of it alright. All you can really do is hope and help him enjoy the time he has guaranteed up until the surgery, and be there to talk to when he needs a friend. I know it may feel like a helpless situation, and it is, but being a friend and providing him with support can be one of the best ways you can help him.
Posts: 9 | From: California, USA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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