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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Friend-of-a-friend's suicide

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Author Topic: Friend-of-a-friend's suicide
Glam
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A few days ago, a boy in my town jumped off a bridge into the gorge and died. This boy was a very close friend and ex of my best friend, her current boyfriend's best friend, a close friend to many of my friends. (I didn't know him, really, I'd just been introduced to him once or twice.) Most people didn't find out till yesterday, at school. Much shock and crying. I was very affected by it (stupid/weird, no?) Even though I didn't know the guy, I found myself sobbing my eyes out when I got home.

I'm so worried about everyone who knew him. I don't know what to do. I want to be helpful or supportive or anything, but I fear I lack the social skills to do so. (Especially since I'm not handling things so well myself right now...)


Posts: 59 | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lilfran14
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the same thing kinda happened to me, my sophomore year of high school someone from the school who i knew but never really hung out with had shot himself, it affected me very much. i cryed, i sobbed, i felt horrible,its natural. i think its the fact that someone close by, someone u did know had killed himself. it effects the mind and body.

all u can really do about everyone else is be there for them, give them support and comfort them if needed. give them hugs, call them up, see how there doing, make them know that they are not alone in this. good luck


Posts: 183 | From: Buffalo, NY :) | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daydreamer24
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Last year a boy at my school killed himself. No one saw it coming. We came back to school one Monday and everyone found out. He was depressed because everyone made fun of him. He was in a few of my classes, and unfortunately I had been one of the ones that made fun of him. I've learned my lesson. Our taunting drove him to the point of suicide. I felt terrible for months and cried all the time.

All you can really do is comfort all of the people who knew him. It's a really trying time for everyone. Eventually everyone will learn to cope. Take care. :-)


Posts: 1619 | From: TEXAS | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Insane
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I was in a similar situation when I was in grade 8, most of my friends really new her, I knew her, but we were just acquaintances. I too sobbed for days, and still do on the aniversary of her death. Although, her death was not a suicide, it was nonetheless tragic.

You will find that you can comfort and lean on your friends at the same time. Sometimes, just hugging and crying with someone is extremely comforting. Just knowing that you aren't the only one feeling upset, and dare I say traumatized, is reassuring. So feel free to comfort your friend and show your emotions too. You don't need to be a pillar of strength to be there for your friends.

Talking to the school grief counellors also helps. When something like this happens, teh school boards bring in grief councellors to talk to the students. They have individual sessions, and group chat style sessions. I found it extremely comforting. We were allowed to talk about anything, and nobody ever took it outside the library walls (where it was being held).

I tree was planted outside our school in her memory, perhaps down the road you could see about a similar gesture at your school. I find comfort every year, going and laying flowers at the tree. Over the years the number of people who come to lay flowers has greatly diminished, but some people, including me still go every year. I didn't know her all that well, but it helps me deal with it.

Time will help heal your wounds, and those of your friends. In the meantime, allow yourself to grieve, you are allowed, no matter how well you knew the person. Be supportive of your friends, but ask for support yourself when you need it. Moms (or dads) are great for this kinda of thing. My mom went with me to the funeral, and held my hand the whole time. She didn't know the girl, but came to support me.

So go ahead and cry, you are allowed. Allow yourself time to deal with this, and allow your friends time too. Everyone grieves in different ways, and their own pace.

------------------
I get to throw away the diaper coupons!!!!!!

[This message has been edited by Insane (edited 02-02-2004).]


Posts: 234 | From: Ottawa, Ont, Canada | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
*transient
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I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. A few people who attended the same school as me have died in car accidents over the past year, as well as one girl dying of cancer...I didn't know any of them really, but obviously it's an upsetting thing for anyone. I guess you could talk about it with your friends if it makes you feel better. Chances are they probably need to talk too. I guess the only thing you can really do right now is support each other, you know? Again, I'm really sorry about what happened. xoxo
Posts: 61 | From: ON Canada | Registered: Dec 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Glam
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There was a memorial service held for him tonight. I think/hope that will provide some closure for the people close to him and that will help at least a little bit. The shock of his death has worn off slightly now, but it still hurts, people are still crying.

It's rumored that he was on a lot of acid before he jumped. *sigh* That adds a whole new element into it - if he had been suicidal or depressed, we could say, "well, at least he's happier now." But if it was the drugs and he didn't really want to die....it's so hard to think about that.

I've been trying to do the best I can to be helpful/supportive but I can't just randomly hug people or cry. It'd be unfair to those who knew him, I don't have much of a right to be saddened, I feel. I've been trying to journal-write about it and that helps.

We don't have grief counsellors or anything [there are 2 highschools in my town, and he attended the other one, they're probably providing grief counselling] but the teachers seem pretty understanding.

So....I think everyone will get through this. But it just hurts right now...

Thank you so much for listening.


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Insane
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You have every right to be sad. Everyone is allowed to be upset by this tragedy. just because you didn't know him well, doesn't mean you are any less entitled to feelings of sadness. If one of your friends is upset, you are allowed to go and hug people. I said it before, and I will say it again, you are allowed to be upset by this, you are allowed to cry and have a melt down if you want, this isn't being unfair to others. Everyone is touched by this tragedy in their own way, just because you weren't best friends, doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be upset by this. Everyone heals and griefs in their own way, you have your way, and your friends have theirs. Allow yourself the chance to grief the way you need to. Don't worry about upsetting others you knew him more by crying yourself. Everyone is allowed to cry.

It is a tragedy no matter how this guy died, the whys will never make sense, they are out of your hands. I find closure really to be a kinda false sense of security. No one is going to leave the memorial services 'okay' by what's happened. Everyone must be given a chance to grief and come to terms with it at their own time and pace.

You can always ask your principal if s/he is willing to request the presence of grief councellors. If your principal requests it (because people in your school knew him, and are affected by it), I am sure your school board would be more then willing.

You are right, everyone, including you, will get through this. It does hurt, but with each passing day, it hurts a lot less, until one day you realize, the hurt has become something kinda like memories (that's the best way I can describe it). After awhile, it won't be the horrible knot/weight in your chest and stomach anymore, it will become acceptance. But it won't be tomorrow honey, it takes time.

If writing in your journal, or venting wherever helps, than do it. Do whatever you need to do to grief yourself, and allow your friends to grief in their own way to. You can be upset and cry over this tragedy, you are allowed just as much as anyone else.


Posts: 234 | From: Ottawa, Ont, Canada | Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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