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Author Topic: jus need to let it all out
sweettweet22
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logic...I can't thank you enough, for all of the advice you have given me ( I know I can seem stubborn at times, and you may want to give up, but thankz for your patience)- I've been depressed (mostly over this whole "situation"), but I jus want to give up on life- I keep thinking about ways to kill myself, but there's something inside that is stopping me from going through with them- I still cut myself...but I guess that's a whole different story (I won't make your job harder than it is)- it's like I"m missing something, but I jus can't figure out what it is- like a pool without the water (does that make sense?!)- well enough about me and my...depressing life...I jus want to tahnk every one for ALL of the advice, it has helped in some way...if it wasn't for all the advice, I would have NEVER built up the guts/courage to mention any of this to my sister- oh by the way,I gave her that site, and phone number (I'm too chicken to do it myself)~ I jus can't say it enough, thank you again...although it may not seem like it, I greatly appreciate all of the 'support'

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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quote:
I've been depressed (mostly over this whole "situation")

That's not surprising - this is a very stressful situation. You just need to keep hanging in there.

quote:
there's something inside that is stopping me from going through with them

Trust that something! That's the part of you that's trying to keep you alive. That's your courage .

quote:
I don't have the guts to call him and break up...so I'll leave that to my sister (as usual)

quote:
my sister said that she was going to my scool to report this (but I'm so scared)

quote:
I gave her that site, and phone number (I'm too chicken to do it myself)

Nope, none of this is "chicken". You've already been very brave by telling your sister. Letting her help you out like this isn't "chicken" at all - it's sensible and smart. And when it comes to your boyfriend, it may be safer than you trying to do it personally.

Being brave is making things happen - it doesn't mean that you have to do it all singlehandedly or never feel scared.

quote:
it's like I"m missing something, but I jus can't figure out what it is- like a pool without the water (does that make sense?!)

Yup, tonnes of sense . And it's a good thing, even though it may not feel like it right now.

The teens and early adulthood are usually the time when we have to start figuring out who we are deep down, what we truly want in life, and what we need to give our life meaning. The really big stuff!

Feeling "incomplete" is a healthy thing - it's what calls us to wrestle with those questions and demand more out of life.

It's what tells you that you need and deserve more in life than you're getting right now, and that there are more deep and rich things waiting for you in your future than you can imagine right now.


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sweettweet22
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logic...thank you once again- I can feel/tell that I am going to be feeling depressed for a long time, but all that u have done for me...jus by telling me that everything is going to be alright and stuff, has kept me going- all I need is encouraging words like yours to jus help me deal wit all this "stuff"- and I'm glad that the "emptiness" that I am feeling is normal- thankz again- I jus have to wait -n- see

------------------
I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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quote:
I can feel/tell that I am going to be feeling depressed for a long time

It is possible that you may be dealing with depression for a while more, I'm afraid.

Especially when you've been through some very traumatic experiences, you tend not to wake up the next morning and instantly be magically happy all the time from then on (I wish it did work like that, but it usually doesn't ....)

Things are likely to be a lot better for you once you're not being beaten up, but you'll still have the after-effects to deal with (plus any other stresses in your life).

It can take some time to recover, and it can take work. Once you're out of this situation, I'd recommend that you consider checking out some sort of counselling, so you can get trained support in dealing with your feelings.

I'm not trying to make it sound daunting - it really is possible for things to get better, and I think they will for you. But expecting it to happen overnight can be a way of putting more pressure on yourself - which can make you more stressed and depressed!

In a funny way, it can be a relief to accept that you may be dealing with depression for a while more, and that you just need to hang in there - and go easy on yourself.

You've been through a lot, so be nice to yourself. Imagine how you'd comfort a friend who'd been through some traumatic experiences and was feeling very fragile and down, then look after yourself like that .


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sweettweet22
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now I know that I'll never truly be happy again, but I jus wish things COULD "magically" be the same as the used to be, but I guess that's not gonna happen-I'm afraid of going to counseling, because i Had to go there when my uncle died, but it was so scary...I want to be happy again, but I can't- I always jus cover it up with a smile and laughs, but inside, I'm crying like crazy...but I want to stop puttin on a show for everyone, and show them that everything is not okay, and my life isn't perfect, but as usual, I don't have the guts to do that- well as I've said already several times, thanks again logic, and have a nice vacation

------------------
I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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quote:
now I know that I'll never truly be happy again

Now, there you're wrong. Dealing with depression (and I've dealt with a fair amount of it myself) certainly doesn't mean you can't be truly happy.

Having to deal with being depressed doesn't mean you'll be depressed all your life - it just means you have to go easy on yourself and give yourself time to recover.

quote:
I want to be happy again, but I can't- I always jus cover it up with a smile and laughs, but inside, I'm crying like crazy...

See, sometimes being able to tell other people that you're unhappy is the first step towards dealing with it. The more you hide it, the worse it gets. Telling people can help.

And that's why counselling can help - it's someone who you can talk to in total confidence, who's trained to support you. It isn't always easy to find a counsellor who you get on with, but it's worth the effort.

quote:
I jus wish things COULD "magically" be the same as the used to be, but I guess that's not gonna happen

Well, things aren't ever what they used to be. We change, and our lives change. But that doesn't mean that things can't get much better.

And in fact, you may find that things eventually get much better than they ever were before - surviving difficult experiences, however painful, can make you a stronger and deeper person.


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sweettweet22
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well thank God it won't last my whole lfe, but I guess I jus have to take each day as it comes...good or bad

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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sweettweet22
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HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!- well here's the "up date" on everything- I begged my sister not to go to the cops, because I'm jus too scared (I dunno how to explain my "fear");however,she found a counselor for me to go to startin on Tuesday (I am soooooo nervous...it's not even funny, and I'm a lil' scared and relieved all at the same time)- my EX boyrfriend (now) called me last night to wish me a happy new year, but I didn't answer my phone (he left a message)- I wanted to call him back, but I didn't- I dunno if I already told u this, but this other boy wants to go wit me, but I'm not sure if I'm ready yet...what do u think I should tell him? (should I jus tell him about the "abuse" or jus go wit him?)- well that's all the update for now- thanks again

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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Don't call your ex back - it's really not a good idea. Your sister has broken up with him on your behalf, right?

quote:
I dunno if I already told u this, but this other boy wants to go wit me, but I'm not sure if I'm ready yet..

If you're not sure, that's usually a big, big cue to slow down.

Do you like this other boy at all? If you do, one option would be to tell him that you like him but have just had some really bad experiences, so you'd like to get to know him as a friend before anything else.

We have some really cool articles on taking care of your own needs and emotionally healthy relationships. Check them out - they may well provide lots of food for thought:

Safer Sex... For Your Heart
Ten of the Best Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Self (at any age)

And I hope your first visit to the counsellor goes well - it's normal to find things like this scary, but counselling can be a really helpful resource.


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sweettweet22
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well...I used to be in "love" with him a few years ago, but now I think he's a nice guy, but I'm jus scared to go out wit anyone else right now, because they will probably do the samething my ex did to me- I know everyone isn't the same, but I'm jus real scared- I want to tell him that I really like him, but jus can't go out wit him now, but I'm afraid he will get angry with me- I'm jus so confused- do you think that I should jus be single for a while? or give him a chance?- oh by the way, those articles were helpful- oh I had to ask a question...I've been crying a lot lately for no reason (at least I don see a reason, I mean like earlier today, I was cleaning my room and all of a sudden , I burst into tears and I couldn't clean anymore and I jus started cutting myself- is this because of "abuse" or is this another part of "depression"?- is this going to go on for a long time? should I tell my couselour about this?- *sighs* I wish I could jus be my old self again- it seems like everything happens to me- why?...well thanks again logic- I know u can't answer why everything happens to me, but I jus had to let that out

------------------
I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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quote:
I want to tell him that I really like him, but jus can't go out wit him now

That sounds like a reasonable and sensible thing to tell him. You might want to explain that you've had some very bad experiences.

It seems very clear that you're not ready to be in a relationship again right now, and that being single for a while would be a good move.

quote:
but I'm afraid he will get angry with me

Well, he wouldn't have any right to get angry with you for making such a simple and understandable request.

You have the right to go out or not go out with people as you choose, just as you have the right to choose whether or not to have sex. Other people are not entitled to get angry with you, shout, threaten or pressure you because of what you choose.

So you could think of it as a test: if he did get angry with you or try to pressure you, that'd be a big flashing neon warning sign that he's not a good guy to be involved with anyway.

And if he doesn't get angry, but listens to what you have to say, that's a good and positive sign.

quote:
is this because of "abuse" or is this another part of "depression"?

It's hard to say that it's one or the other, since it seems like the abuse has been a big factor in making you depressed. It may take you a while to recover, so cut yourself some slack.

And yes, you should definitely tell your counsellor - that's what s/he is there for.


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sweettweet22
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well...I think I am going to tell him that, and w/e happens, happens- I mean wat can I do....I jus have to live with the fact that depression is going to be apart of my life- and how should I tell my counselor?...jus let it all out?...well thanks so much again logic...

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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sweettweet22
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well...I saw my counsoler on tuesday...I was real nervous at first, but it wasn't so bad...at first, she started out by askin me what I liked to do on my free time and stuff (and in my head, I was lile okay...well wat does this have to do with me being "abused) and so on and so on then she finally asked me about my "relationship" and everything...then I told her EVERYTHING (I jus let everything out...then I started crying like a baby...I don know why...it was so embarassing) then she came and hugged me and was like it's okay...n she understands (but then again...everyone THINKS they understand)...then she told me a story about how she almost got killed my an ex boyfriend (which is now in jail)- well I could go on and on to tell the story, but I won do that- overall...it wasn't as bad as I thought, but in my head, I am still a lil suspicious about wat she's going for...I mean I feel as though she's trying to get somethin out of me...then jus go n tell the whole world....that always happens whenever I tell adults somethin...anyways, I go to see her next Tuesday (who know's wat'll happen next?!)- On MOnday, I saw my EX in the hallway...he gave me this stare of sorrow mixed with anger mixed with hate all at once (know what I mean?)- I was so scared...I ran down the hall...then everyday since then, he always stares me down...and today, he started feelin up on me...and I pushed him away...and was like "if you do it again, Ima go tell on you"...n he was like w/e...then walked off...so now I'm scared that he'll either rape me or beat me to death...should I tell my counsoler how scared I am?...I don wanna have another break down-well...thanks again to all those that helped me to get the courage to even go see a counsoler

------------------
I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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quote:
I mean I feel as though she's trying to get somethin out of me...then jus go n tell the whole world....

With a counsellor, what you tell them should generally be confidential - they can't tell anyone else what you tell them without your permission (the only exceptions are if they need to break confidentiality to prevent a serious crime being committed).

If you talk to your counsellor about confidentiality, she should be able to reassure you.

You or your sister need to talk to the school staff so that they can stop this guy from bothering you at school. Maybe the counsellor can help.

The police may also be able to help - "feeling you up" against your will actually counts as assault under many laws.

Good for you for being so assertive with him, and it sounds like it worked this time to get him to back off.

Do you have friends at school who you trust? Can you talk to them about this? Maybe some of them would be willing to stick around with you in the hallways so that you don't have to face this guy on your own.

You should definitely talk to the counsellor about this and how scared you are - that's what she's there for, and she may be able to advise on the best way of talking to the school authorities.

[This message has been edited by logic_grrl (edited 01-10-2004).]


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sweettweet22
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well I have a lot of friends that I THOUGHT I could trust but I'm scared to tell them these things, because they'll probably not be my friends anymore, or tell their parents who will tell my mother...and that's wat I don want to happen- but I think there's one of my friends...who won't mind (I'll ask her tomorrow)- I didn't go to the counsoler this Tuesday cuz I was sick, but I'm going tomorrow (so I'll tell her about that and ask her about confidentiality)- well- thanks again, and I"ll keep you updated- oh one more question- should I tell her about the time I almost commited suicide? or is that way too much to tell at this point in time?- thanks again

------------------
I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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quote:
I'm scared to tell them these things, because they'll probably not be my friends anymore,

Anyone who'd stop being your friend because you've been abused by someone else is not a real friend to begin with.

quote:
should I tell her about the time I almost commited suicide? or is that way too much to tell at this point in time?

You can feel free to tell her anything you want. She's there to try to understand and help you, so there's no such thing as telling "too much" .


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sweettweet22
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I told one friend, and she was like "you must be crazy"(she obviously isn't my friend- but I guess that's okay)- but then I asked one of my guy friends (at first I was scared to)- and he was more than happy to- so every since then whenever he saw me with my friend in the halls, he would give me dirty looks, but then my friend (James) would jus give him worse looks(so I guess I"m okay for now- but I'm scared wat will happen if one day James isn't there- like if he's sick or something)~ well I dind't tell my counsoler about my attemp, but I think I will next time- she's not as bad as I thought- she seems like someone I can trust, but it's real hard for me to trust people now (know what I mean?)- but she told me that all of our "visits" didn't have to be about the "abuse" or "depression" it could be about w/e is on my mind (and I found that very relieveing)- well thanks again logic- you have been the biggest help to me- without you/ this site, I don know where I would be right now

------------------
I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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quote:
but I'm scared wat will happen if one day James isn't there- like if he's sick or something)

That's why you or your sister (or James or the counsellor) needs to talk to the school staff and let them know about the situation.

It's the school's job to provide a safe place for you, and that includes preventing your ex from threatening or harassing you.

quote:
but it's real hard for me to trust people now (know what I mean?)

Absolutely. And it's okay for you to take your time getting to feel comfortable with your therapist.

quote:
she told me that all of our "visits" didn't have to be about the "abuse" or "depression" it could be about w/e is on my mind (and I found that very relieveing)

That's a good thing to remember - she's there for YOU. So you can talk about whatever you want or need to talk about .


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sweettweet22
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good news and bad...well, D (I dunno if I can say his name), got kicked out!!!!!!!! on Tuesday because my sister went to the scool first thing Tuesday morning, any way (I'm going to try to make it short)...on MOnday (MLK day), I had to got to the super market to by some charlco for the grill...and wat a coincidence...D was there- I was jus mindin my own business, when all of a sudden, someone grabs my "behind"...and I jump and was like wat the"hell"...and I turn around, and see him...and I was like okay, wat do you want from me?, and he was like I jus want us to have sex, and I told him that I didn't want to (specially after wat he put me through), and he needed to stop messin wit me or else I wouldve got the cops (I donm know where I got the guts to say that, but I did)- then I started to walk away, and he grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me back toward him (and me and my dumb self, let him pull me), and then he started fellin up on me...then God knows where I got the strength, but I jus swung at him, then he punched me right in the middle of my back (which still hurts)...then I screamed for help (because there wasn't anyone in the aisl I was in), then security came and asked if there was a problem...and before anything could come out my mouth, D was like no sir evrythin is fine...jus a lil foolin around...and I opened my mouth to say everything wasn't...but nothing came out...so I jus ran out and started crying then jus left and went home (I never bought the charlco..I told my sister the story...and that's why she ended up going to the scool on Tuesday)...she didn't tell them wat had happened on MOnday (they weren't responsible for that)...but she told them about him "harassing" me in the halls and everything (but I wasn't with her), so yesterday, the took me outa class, and started yellin at me because I dind't tell them earlier or w/e...but they got over it...D has been tryin to call me, but I haven't picked up...and i deleted all of his voice messages (should I have listened to them?)- I told my counsoloer...she talked to me bout it and so on and so on (I don't want to make this any longer), but thanks again Logic, because I think that if it weren't for you,my sister wouldnt have even known about this, and I don think I would have had the guts to say wat I did to him...well I'll post again when I have a lil more time- hope I"m not posting too much or anything...am I breaking a rule or anything?...and I tried to make this as "clean" as possible (did I succeed?!)

------------------
I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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I'm really glad to hear that you won't have to deal with him at school any more.

I'm sorry the school yelled at you - they shouldn't have done that. It sounds like they were upset that you hadn't told them earlier, and reacted badly.

Good for you for being so brave and assertive and yelling for help in the supermarket! It's a good idea to yell for help right away - don't wait until he's attacked you.

And you're doing the right thing by not responding to his phone messages; however, it might be useful to save them if you think you might want to report him to the police for harassment or stalking.

Have you or your sister talked to the police about pressing charges of physical assault against him and/or getting a restraining order of some kind? That would ban him from bothering you again. Your counsellor may also be able to advise you on this.

In the meantime, it would be smart to be very careful anytime you're somewhere where you might run into him. If you do run into him, then it's best to get to where there are other people around and/or call for help as soon as possible. It might be a good idea to get a personal attack alarm (you pull a cord and it makes a loud shrieking noise) or something like that.

I don't want to make you paranoid, but obviously there is a risk that this guy will try to hurt you again or just keep bothering you. If you take precautions, that will help you feel more safe and confident.

And don't worry, you're not posting too much or breaking any rules .


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sweettweet22
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well...today I didn't go to my "visit" I jus wasn;t feelin up to it (so I jus skipped)- well that's not wh I'm posting...the reason is, I've been really sad lately...I mean I guess you can say everything is going well in my life (at least that's what I thought), but I feel so sad...I mean I jus keep crying and crying non stop (I'm even crying as I write this)- I've tried everything...from writing in my journal to cutting...and I'm so close to jus giving up- so I thought myabe I could get some help from here, because this has helped in the past- it's like I want something, but I don know wat that something is- then I feel scared of something, but I don know what- and then I jus don feel anything- my feelings are confusing me- and I don know why, but I don fully trust my counselor (I think that's why I skipped today)...I know I should jus giver her some more time, but I'm afraid she is going to stab me in the back jus like everyone else that I have told- well I guess that's all I can put into words for now- and it's okay if I don get a response to this, I jus felt like "letting it out" (if you guys don mind)- and I"m sorry if none of this makes any sense, because I'm a lil confused myself (there are some things that I am feeling, that I jus can't put into words- make sense?)- thanks again for jus takin the time to read (even if you don respond)

------------------
I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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You know, it's okay to feel what you're feeling (I know that probably doesn't help much, but it can be a useful thing to know).

You've been through some traumatic experiences, and you're still under a lot of stress. That's going to have effects.

And sometimes, it's only when things finally start to get better, that the pain kind of catches up with us.

You've been treated badly by lots of people. That inevitably makes it hard to trust someone new, like your therapist. But give her a chance. Try and make the next visit.

quote:
it's like I want something, but I don know wat that something is

That can be what it feels like when your life is changing. You're moving towards new things, maybe beginning to find out what you want in life. And that's a good thing, but it can be scary and confusing too.

By the way, we have some support threads here that you might find useful, like this one on cutting:

http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000517.html

You can find more in the Support Groups FAQ. Sometimes it's helpful to read through other people's experiences and know you're not alone.


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sweettweet22
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you're right, it's a lil helpful to actually read for myself that I'm not alone- even though I still feel like I am, because some of them were a few years ago...I know I should keep goin to therapy, but I'm scared now- I don even know why- I think it's because I"m afraid to trust anybody anymore- I tired of bein hurt over and over again- I jus hate it...I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE...I hate crying all the time- I hate being sad- I hate pretending to be happy when I"m not- I hate life- I jus wish everything could be the way they used to be when I was 13- I know there's not much anyone can do for me ("I have to help myself")...but I can't...I jus wanna give up- I've been trying so hard to put up with life...but it's jus slowly slippin away

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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Sometimes it's hard for anyone else to say anything except "hang in there".

Sometimes it can be useful to remember that that's all you have to do - just stay alive, and things will start to get better.

When I went through years of severe depression in my teens, and spent a lot of time having suicidal thoughts, one image that helped was to think of a limpet on a rock. All it has to do is stay hanging onto the rock while the sea crashes over it, and eventually the tide will recede.

Trust me, things will get better (even though I know I'd never have believed anyone who said that to me at my worst times). Just hang in there. All you have to do is not die.

In the "depression and suicide" thread, I've posted a hotline number so that you can talk to a trained counsellor immediately any time you need to, okay?


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daisygurl
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Just a note to say that NOONE has the right to physically harm another person for any reason., You can not say that you deserve to be hit. If he can not respect you and the fact that you are not ready for sex then he needs to learn to deal with it...Email me if you would like to talk... edited for reasons already stated

[This message has been edited by wobblyheadedjane (edited 02-02-2004).]


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sweettweet22
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well...I jus thought it owuld be nice to keep yall updated- today is my b-day! (it was okay), cept the fact that I jus couldn't stop cryin, and then I got asked out by this boy, and I said yes (so hopefully I made the right choice...I mean my sister says that it's time for me to jus move on with life, and date other peopoe)- "D" (the "abusive one"), called me today, but I didn't answer and I didn't check the message he left (should I?)- well...overall, I guess I'm doing okay, but I jus keep crying, like whenever I see things that remind me of "D", or jus outa the blue (does that make sense?)- I haven't been going to therapy, because I'm jus scared that if I keep going, I am going to end up telling her more than I want to, and I'm afraid that if I do, she'll jus tell the whole world, or put me on medication, or even send me to a phyc unit- well...I am going out with my new "boyfriend" in a few minutes (how evrything goes well)- I"ll keep yall updated- and thankz again for all of the advice that I was given

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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logic_grrl
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quote:
I got asked out by this boy, and I said yes (so hopefully I made the right choice...

That's fine - if it's what you want and you feel ready to handle it. Remember you don't have to rush into anything before you feel ready.

quote:
"D" (the "abusive one"), called me today, but I didn't answer and I didn't check the message he left (should I?)

Nope, you shouldn't (unless you're thinking of reporting him for harrassment and want to save evidence).

quote:
'm jus scared that if I keep going, I am going to end up telling her more than I want to,

That can happen, when you finally have an opportunity to talk to someone in confidence. And it can feel scary. But it's not necessarily a bad thing.

quote:
and I'm afraid that if I do, she'll jus tell the whole world, or put me on medication, or even send me to a phyc unit

OK, some facts:

Unless she has evidence that you are going to commit a crime, or something like that, she is obliged to keep everything you tell her confidential. She can't tell the whole world - or anyone.

Similarly, she can't send you to a psych unit or make you take medication against your will unless she and her colleagues can prove that you're in danger of seriously harming yourself or someone else, which you aren't.

She could suggest that you try medication (and it can sometimes be helpful as a "safety net" to get you through hard times), but she can't make you take it.

So don't let those worries hold you back from visiting her, okay?


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sweettweet22
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well...incase you didn't read my other post, I don think datin/goin out with guys is working for me- now I'm terrified of them... so I guess I jus have to be alone and single for a WHILE...- I am supposed to go see my counselor tomorrow (I finally built up the courage to call her) I'm a lil scared of her too, but I guess there's nothin to be afraid of right?- I jus want a new beginning, start life over, but I don know where to start- I tried my appearance, but now it's makin me sick...so I'm tryin to eat healty again- but it's not easy...so I jus don know where to start?- ne ideas?- well thanks again- wish me luck tomorrow

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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Heather
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How about you start by NOT trying to change yourself at all, kiddo?

After all, because you got abused means the person(s) who abused you have serious problems. Your serious problem was namely them, and being unable to get out earlly, and now just healing.

And acceptance -- of yourself, of your history, of your strangths and weaknesses, of your appearance, the whole kit n'kaboodle -- is a BIG part of healing.

Talk to your counselor about all of these things (and I'd also suggest being honest about the disordred eating you've had lately). if you don't disclose, she truly can't do her job, which is to help you.

(FYI, there isn't a thing wrong with being single, and it's actually really important to learn to ENJOY being alone -- when you don't, and you're afraid of such, or feel lesser for being such, it's all too easy to wind up in dangerous or dysfunctional relationships because you're trying to avoid being on your own.)


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sweettweet22
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thank you Miz. Scarlet... I didn't get a chance to read this before I saw my counselor (so I didn't tell her about my "eating disorder") but I did tell her about what happened the otehr day, and how scared I was of going out with guys, I even told her that I was scared of her!- of course she told me there was no reason to, and she said almost the same thing you did, that I need a break from dating/goin out with any guys for a long time maybe a few years, jus so my heart/soul can begin to heal- she said that I can heal, but I will be scarred for life (that kinda made me a lil scared)- then she explained to me, that in another year I will be old enough to makes many decisions on my own (I'll be 18- and she was talking about sex)- we had a long talk about how scared I was about being hit because I didn't feel ready enough to have sex, and she told me that wsa normal...is it?- well I don want to continue to talk about the session we ahd, but I jus want to say that it made me feel a lil better, but now I can't eat right anymore- evrything I eat, I jus throw it right back up (not on purpose), and I still haven't gotten my period (which really scares me, because I haven't had intercourse yet)- well thanks again for all your advice, and I apologize for being rude in my other posts

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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Gumdrop Girl
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tweet, while it's tough, you should discuss your eating disorder with your therapist. they'retrained to help you through things like that, and it's hard to heal if you can't open up the problems you need to work through.

your menstrual periods may have stopped because you're malnourished. this can be really bad in the long run with problems like infertility, organ failure, etc. since you're already showing symptoms and complications, it's so important to get treatment for your eating disorder.

As for dating, taking a break is a great thing because young women do need time to find themselves. explore your personality, your talents. take an art class (or dance, or creative writing, photography, cooking, kung fu, etc.). Make friends -- the kind you won't ever have sexual relationships with. Do volunteer work (many people find that helping other people helps them). Explore your spirituality.

Knowing more about yourself and caring about yourself helps you form good relationships with other people later on down the line.

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if p then not q (negation)
if q then p (converse)
if not p then not q (inverse)
if not q then not p (contrapositive)

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sweettweet22
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well...I guess I'll start off with the good news...I'm eating without throwing up (but only one meal...that's all I can take- for now)- I told my counselour bout my eating "disorder"- and she is willing to help me this week, I lost 18 lbs!, I have a 4 pck! (workin to get 6)...and ummm ...well that's it for the good news- now the bad- I still didn't get my period yet, but I'm feelin the signs (cramps and headaches)...so hopefully it'll come, and I so depressed...it's like I cry everyday (most of the time...out of the blue)- is there any way I can stop crying, without having to be on medication?- thank you once again for all the help I have gotten from evryone

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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sweettweet22
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well...let's start with the good news first!- I finally got my period yesterday!, I lost 18 lbs...but I feel like I'm gaining it back quickly, I got a job!, and I haven't been cryin lately (although I still feel sad, and I often have flashbacks of being "abused")- well..I jus wanted to keep yall posted (incase ne one cared)- but thanks again

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I'm so confused- I scare myself~ "y do we luv the ppl that HATE us, and HATE the ppl that luv us?"


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