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little_miss
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Member # 13947

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why is it, that ever since i started high school ive never been truley happy? it seems that atleast every week i break down in tears and cutt myself. I just cant take some of the sh*t that goes on. I cant take life. Today i just broke down crying infront of my friends, i told them i felt sick when really, i was upset because my boyfriend went over to some girls house. I wish sometimes thst i could just die so that i wouldnt have 2 do this anymore, go threw the same stuff everyday. im sick of it. im sick of being me, i used to pray every night that i would become fataly sick, now that ive relized that doesnt work i want something that will. i dont like feeling like this but not matter how hard i try it just comes back. Which leads to me cutting and lying when someone sees the gashes. i dont like this life i lead, i want to be somebody else.
Posts: 53 | From: sarasota, florida, united states of america | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Do you have a counselor or therapist?

In truth, Scarleteen is both not equipped to be a suicide hot line, and to boot, having witnessed two suicides over my life, one quite viscerally, it's not something I'm willing or able to entertain here.

The right [person to manage this is a counselor or therapist. If you need help finding ways to obtain one, that we're able to do.

Very few people in their lives are EVER completely happy or carefree. But more times than not, the difference between suffering and not suffering -- especially when your life is not full of serious trauma or hardship -- isn't about what's happening to you or isn't, it's about how you really deal with yourself.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68261 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Member # 13388

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little_miss,

While getting professional help, as Miz Scarlet said, is what is most important right now, I will ask these questions.

First, you say how you hate your life and wish you were someone else. Well, stop thinking about who you wish you were and start becoming who you want to be! The good thing is that you can control who you are and become what you want to be to a certain extent! Do you have any hobbies you just love? Is there something you've always wanted to learn or do? Whether it's skateboarding, ballroom dancing, gardening, learning a new language, auditioning for a play, joining science club, etc. do it! There are a lot of people who hate their 9-5 jobs but live for the stand-up comedy they do after hours or fishing trips on weekends (although as a vegetarian I can't recommend the fishing ) Or simple but big things like, changing your dressing style if you want, you can do that too! Redecorate your room, which would give you a fresh living space. I always rearrange my furniture when I'm having a hard or frustrating time.

Second, your boyfriend sounds like someone who is just adding to your unhappiness. I think we sometimes think a staying in an unhappy relationship is the right thing, that it will get better, but I disagree. When did you start going out with him? Was it at the start of high school? Have you starated feeling worse or better since going out with him? Significant others aren't necessarily the cause of depression but can make it much worse. Not to mention how empowering independence can be!

Third, how about your current group of friends? Are they the same group that you've had in elementary school, middle school, etc.? People grow apart, get different interests, etc. and perhaps you'd be happier hanging out with a different group of people. I know that I definitely changed my group of friends my first year of high school after realizing that my old ones and I had different interests and dreams and really didn't understand each other anymore. Now I'm not saying that you should abruptly "dump" your current friends but rather maybe take some alone time. Talk to someone new in biology, ask the girl who often wears that funky shirt featuring a band you've never heard of about the group, ask the guy who you see sitting alone at lunch to join your group, etc. Maybe your current friends are fabulous but it never hurts to reaccess situations and make new friends.

Fourth, is school really hard or the opposite, really easy? Teachers are there to teach, to help, so if you're having academic difficulties, by all means get tutoring or at least talk things over with your teachers! Your parents might be surprisingly helpful, too, although I think I started doing better in math once my dad stopped helping me!

Finally, high school is just a temporary stage in life. There is so much out there to do and enjoy and experience-- sometimes it's hard to see the big picture but it's really important to do! Although it may take awhile and some extra help, you can be happy in the future. And sometimes something seemingly unimportant or unnoticeable like a gentle wind on a sunny day can put a smile on your face when everything else seems horrible...

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"I'm a cunning linguist" ~Princess Superstar

[This message has been edited by Ecofem (edited 11-26-2003).]


Posts: 3318 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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