ok my friend i am not going to say her name had sex!! with a friend of mine but she does not think it is sex because he put it in and pulled it out but if it "poped her cherrie" i think that is sex and then she went to a party and got "drunk" and had sex but there was no way she was drunk she only had to drinks and i dont know what to say to her because she calls her self a virgin even though everyone knows she isnt but idont know what to say because when she says crap like that it just makes me mad it would not bother me if she was like 15 or something you know but she is 12 and it just bothers me what sould i do please help me
Posts: 4 | From: maryville tennessee | Registered: Nov 2003
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well no offense, but it sounds like your friend is the one who needs the help. it should not make you mad that she is lying about her sexual experience - obviously if she is doing this then she is uncomfortable with and in denial of what she has gone through recently. you are not her, you can not get inside her head, you were not *there* when she had sex, and so you have no idea what actually happened, and how it was for her. clearly she is going through a very difficult time, and you should either let her know that you are there for her if she needs somebody to talk to, or mind your own business and not spread any cattiness about this girl to make her life any harder. she is a person too, and as you know what a difficult time you are going through, just imagine that she is having as much trouble with life as you are. middle school is a very difficult time for many many girls, both with sexuality and body image. try to be understanding, respectful, and considerate of others, *especially* those you call your friends.
Posts: 18 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2003
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However, your friend needs to know that whether she considers what happened to be "sex" or not (and that's up to her to decide), it still puts her at risk of pregnancy and STDs if a condom wasn't used.
Given her age, it also counts as statutory rape, as legally she can't consent to sex (the age of consent for heterosexual sex in Tennessee is 18).
If she's genuinely your friend and you want to help her, then getting mad at her certainly isn't the way.
But you can make sure she has access to information like the articles here at Scarleteen, and you can let her know that you're concerned about her and want to help.
Here are some articles you and she might find helpful:
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