I know there are a lot of topics around here with the same subject but... I guess each of them is personal so... um... I don't think this is wrong...right? Anyway... I just...feel so bad right now... I know I've been through a lot... and that I always got up...but last year was... so full of bad events that I still don't know how I got through... I asked for help back then but everyone just said I would be ok if given time... I thought about suicide back then because I just...felt dead already. I just couldn't feel anything and when I did, it wasn't really pleasant. But I didn't because there's a close friend of mine - my only real friend, I guess - who has been through a lot too and I don't think she would make it if I was gone like that. I thought it was unfair so I stayed... At the beggining of the year, I had..something to lift me up a bit. and then, another hit, as hard as the others... But I already was so fragile back then that... I still haven't gotten up... My parents finally noticed how crazy I was going with the whole issue and put me on therapy. I'm on medication right now but it always works for such a little time... it just... makes you so dead you don't feel sad... And I can't..seem to get the will to move on. Dunno if I just hope things would be like they were at the beggining of the year or if I just am afraid of being DEAD like last year... but right now, it all hurst a lot and the only word ringing in my head is...euthanasia. It just...hurts too much.. and it's not like I can talk to a lot of people about it...cause part of them just left... part of them are just tired of listening to the same story... and so it goes... but I dunno if I can take it... if it's worth going on.... I see no use in living for myself... I feel like I'm not who I used to be anymore, I feel like I'm nothing and I see nothing else to live for...but living like this...just... hurts too much... so, after this little rant - sorry, I think I had to get it off my chest - I get to the point... I wonder if there's a way out... But I see none. And at the same time I feel it's unfair to the people I would be leaving behind - like parents and the few people I know wouldn't be too...um..pleased - I feel like it's unfair to myself to live like this and that they could always move on, forget in a week, a month... I just...don't know what to do anymore...
Posts: 106 | Registered: Oct 2001
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You'd want to kill yourself because you'd give some business to a funeral parlour, counsellors who'd see you friends and family, and you'd keep the police a bit busier than they might have been already. That's the upside, anyway; supporting local industry. And that's it. On the anti side, however, you'd be inviting those you cared about to damage just as terrible as (if not worse than) that you've suffered, and you'd be cutting off your story well before you had a chance to make something of it. Sort of like unplugging the VCR fifteen minutes into a film. Life can have its nasty bits, and sometimes be downright scary or disturbing, but removing yourself from all of it in order to avoid some of it really isn't the way to go.
I'd urge you to continue trying to help yourself, and possibly seeking out other ways to get support. You might want to ask your therapist about what other options are open to you.
------------------ Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP
Life can go wrong, bad, terrible, all you want at times, but there is always something good that you are missing if you only look at the bad, and that good thing can definitely turn your life around.
I experienced last year a suicidial friend, and found myself in the situation where I had to force her to throw up the 11 sleeping pills she had taken, then take her to the hospital and support her. And trust me, it is not easy. Suicide is up to a certain point selfish (I am not calling you selfish ), and it might seem like the only way out at times. But seriously, things can always improve. My friend is doing good right now (she's not trying to commit suicide anymore, and she got full scholarship at MIT), and I have also recovered (trust me, it can damage your friends and family if they are faced with such a situation, especially if they hold you dear).
So look for the good sides of life, and make the best of them. I am sure people around you support you even if you don't notice.
There's always something to live for, honey.
There's always someone who cares and will be very sad and hurt if you are gone.
All the best to you!
P.S.: Look at my signature, I have found that this phrase is really true. *Even a deep darkness changes into shine.*
------------------ dive into shine, even a deep darkness changes into shine, because i am believing the moment
[This message has been edited by Leni (edited 04-10-2003).]
Posts: 114 | From: El Salvador, but living in London :) | Registered: Aug 2002
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I would like to point out that the only people that know what happens after you die can't tell us what happens. Perhaps it would end pain but it is just as likly that it will not. I have been suicidal more than once in my life. And the best advice is to get help with the problems that are making you feel that way. You might be helped with medication. you might be helped with therpy you might be helped with time Explore your options Suicide is not the easy answer to your problems. Life is hard. There is no evidance that death is any easier. Posts: 94 | From: plymouth,mn,usa | Registered: Apr 2003
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Now this may sound awfully like Oprah (hell, i may have nicked it from Oprah) but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and thats what all problems (except death) are. There are no upsides, how would you feel, already being low, if one of your friends killed themselves. You'd feel like crap, so imagine the people you care about.
My uncle killed himself and I found out by reading the Sun (if you're from the UK you'll no how bad that would be lol) and all I could think about was how selfish he was to leave his wife and 6 year old son like that.
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