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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Just a story

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Author Topic: Just a story
Member # 11743

Icon 9 posted      Profile for Librasparrow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi there,

I thought I would share this story/release some stress because it's difficult for me to talk to anyone about this and very few people I know, "know" about what is going on with me.

I am in a relationship with a man that has Genital warts (I am in my late 20s, he is in his late 30s). He was upfront about it and I read/learned all I could about it. I decided that I did not feel comfortable in having sex with him, not even with a condom and I told home so. When I was upfront with him, I honestly thought that would be the end of the relationship and was extremly upset about it. He decided that he wanted to be with me and we have been practicing forms of sex that I DO feel comfortable with, but not intercourse.

We have been together now for almost a year, and my feelings for him run very deep. I think about spending the rest of my life with him and I know, realisticly, I will probably get this disease if this is my choice.I have felt love and lust and I know the difference. The thing is, once you get this STI, there is not a wayt of getting rid of it. I am thinking about this very carefully.

I am honestly just very confused and very emotional. I know I cannot be the only person going through this or has ever had to make this sort of decision. I am not sure what to do/think anymore. He does not "beg" me for sex or anything. I feel that I am hurting or denying him part of myself. (and hey, I miss sex too!) I almost want to ask for advice, but I honestly know this decision is up to me. I feel like I really love him and I know it's wrong to not be able to share these feelings with him.

I know my story might sound "weird" I am not a virgin (not even if I tried, honey ) or am I overly religious, I really just do not want to get this STI.

Well that's about it. Appreciate any comments, words of support I can get. I hope this did not sound too rambeling.Thanks for reading. I feel a little better already.


Posts: 2 | From: Ga. usa | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5594

Icon 1 posted      Profile for celery     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You should ask your boyfriend to go to the doctor and get the HPV (Human Papiloma Virus) treated.
Then the warts won't be 'active' and you will be less likely to get them. However, they HPV is a virus, and stays in your system for the rest of your life, but unless they flare up again you won't be prone to getting them.

So get your man to the doctor and you won't have to be so scared about the disease being transmitted to you.

Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11825

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Keita     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm sure your partner is concerned about you and is willing to do what he can to keep from communicating the virus. There are treatments for HPV, like Celery said, and he should look into them with his doctor. Talking with your partner and with your physician may help alleviate some of your worries, too - if you understand the risk and how to manage it, you should find it easier to cope.
Posts: 16 | From: Sault Ste Marie, Ontario | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11743

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Librasparrow     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Thanks for the response. I guess how "much" of a risk I am at is what I am confused about. I have read so much and I have visited planned parenthood twice to talk about it. To his knowledge, he has not spread the disease to anyone else and several of his exs he keeps in contact with, so I would think they might mention something to him, if they noticed anything strange. So when the warts are "gone" then there is "less" of a risk? That's something to think about. I know he has had warts and has them zapped.

I would also be interested in hearing about anyone that was in a relationship with someone with GW and if they developed GW or not.

Thank you.

Posts: 2 | From: Ga. usa | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Actually, no, if the warts are visibly gone on the surface, it is not necessarily less of a risk. Celery steered you a bit wrong there.

Especially in men, there can be warts inside the urethra you can't see, and to boot, the virus is still present. Treating HPV doesn't decrease the risk of transmitting it any, especially since almost 90% of cases do NOT have visible warts (and again, more so in men).

There are well over 60 different strains of HPV. There's no way of seeing which one a person has, but some are more contagious than others, and some people can apparently shed the virus. I, myself, may have been one of those folks, but there's no way of knowing, so one does have to assume one still has HPV and act accordingly, like your partner has (informing partners of the virus, working with barriers, being willing to accomodate).

To my knowledge, I have never passed this on to any other partners, not in over a decade, just to help a little with one example of probability. But again, I may be one of the few who got a very mild strain (I only had a single wart and have never had an abnormal pap) or who shed the virus. I have also always practiced safer sex and used condoms for intercourse since (and did before then, but after my partner then and I's six-month safety period, he later tested postive after a long incubation from a previous partner).

You do vastly decrease your risk by using safer sex practices and barriers. But you're correct: you will also be at a decent risk of catching HPV (even with a barrier, but far more so without), and you're also correct in that that is a choice you get to make and have to make.

It's not a weird thing. With at least 50% of the US population having HPV, you're not alone in facing these kinds of choices.

The best thing I can suggest is that if you do opt to become more active that you plan to use barriers for oral sex and intercourse.

Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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