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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » is this some type of abuse...?

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Author Topic: is this some type of abuse...?
Member # 7052

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i searched around about emotional and verbal abuse, and i didnt really find what i want to kno. i have been out of a 5 month relationship for about 6 months, and i'm very confused. i still am getting over things, and yesterday (on christmas eve) my exbf (was drunk and...) instant messaged me and petty much harassed me... saying i was pathetic and all this not so nice stuff. we were arguing back and forth and than he said "ok i'm satisfied" and signed off. he only blew up like that once before, which was after i broke up with him. before that he never said anything horrible like those two times.

my question is about our relationship. i was talking to my friend, and she said that it sounded like it was abusive... he had/has a lot of problems... manic depression/bi polar... his parents verbally abuse him and his father physically abused him once in awhile... and he would be extremely depressed sometimes.

he depended on my to pretty much prop him up and i used all of my energy to make sure he wasnt depressed and was in a good mood. i thought it was the responsibility of a girlfriend to make their boyfriend happy, and when my friend said that it was an abusie relationship i was kind of suprised.

i didnt really talk to him much after the horrible break up (i think i mentioned in previous posts how i broke up with him, and he blew up at me afterward... and stuff), he blocked me online, and hasnt really talked to me since. i saw him at a school play (we dont go to the same school, but his best friend was in the play so he came) and we talked a little at the play... that was 2 wks ago. since than he instant messaged me two different days. i messaged him about three days ago cause no one was on and i was really bored... and i kno hes always on.

i'm still confused and hurt. i was actually better a few wks ago than i am now... it's not fair. i feel like he's playing mind games. he talks to me, and than ignores me. my friend told me i should just block him, but i dont want to do that because that feels like i'm running away. i dont want to run away.

i just wish everything wasnt so confusing... and i didnt feel so hurt.

Posts: 239 | From: new york, USA | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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Deciding not to let someone toy with your emotions is certainly not running away. Really, I agree with your friends; cut off contact with him until he can treat you with a measure of respect and human decency.

Ending a relationship is rarely easy and it's often better to make it a clean break, especially in this case where it sounds as if he has a habit of using you to justify his emotions. You are not responsible for how he is taking this and as long as you're behaving ethically you need concern yourself with nothing else.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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