The other day in the morning i was fine, then i started to take a test at the end of 1st period and i just had serious thought of killing myself, like it came out of no where. i hated myself and didnt want anyone to talk to me, but then 3 period later i was jumping around cracking jokes. I thought i had my problem under control, but i didnt and i dont. I even started to punch glass just to feel the pain and cut myself to see the blood.

i know i seem like a really sick and twisted person but on the outside i keep my cool and try my best to make a good impression. NO one really knows about my problem, i dont tell anyone not even my mom. I dont know if there is anything wrong with me or if its all in my head. Like right now i dont wanna hurt myself but give me 20 minutes im gonna wanna jump out of a 12 story building.

I know ur all gonna say u need help go to counseling but ive gone to soo many different counselors and they all annoy the heck out of me after a few times and i have to switch and then i have to explain my story all over again and its getting old and boring and i dont wanna do it. but i do if itll help me, im prolly sounding really confusing but if someone could help me out and give me some advice or tell me what could possible be wrong with me if nething i would appreciate it!

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~*Katie Frances*~

Why is it that in the
land of the free, home
of the brave, why is it
that i still feel like a
slave.?"

Have you actually been to a psychiatrist or a doctor who could diagnose you to what the problem may be? Being as this is Scarleteen, I can't say what it is that you have, but it sounds like Bipolar disorder. (AKA - Manic Depression.) It's when you have sudden mood swings of deep depression or high happiness.
If you'd like more info on the disorder, please visit the following websites:
http://bipolar.about.com/mbody.htm
http://www.mhsanctuary.com/bipolar/
http://www.bipolarhome.org/

Please, please go to a doctor/psychiatrist and get diagnosed and find out if this is, indeed, what you have. You may just be having a rough time right now. You do need to seek help.

Without seeming to minimize your problem, sometimes teens are moody (as Gumdrop Girl said in a previous post that I can't seem to find so I can link it in right now). This can be even more true when you're in a stressful period like the end of high school. You're trying to finish school, and figure out what you're doing with your life, and all that sort of stuff. Mood swings and depression can be pretty common during these periods.

Now that's not to say that you can't do anything about it. I would encourage you to speak to a counselor. Sometimes it does take a while to find a counselor who fits you. Sometimes you do have to try a few different people before you find somebody who "clicks" with you. But if you're finding yourself going through many many conselors and not finding one who fits, then I'd encourage you to look at why exactly it is that they "annoy" you. What are you expecting from them? They aren't there to "fix" you. All they can do is help you to work on the things you feel you need to work on...but the bottom line is that you have to be open and willing to do the work.

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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Sexpert (and Labia Lady)

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~*Katie Frances*~

Why is it that in the
land of the free, home
of the brave, why is it
that i still feel like a
slave.?"