I don't really know how to explain this, but i'll give it a try. I'm not someone who is depressed alot of the time. When i was at school (i just finished at the end of last year) i was always content with my life and my friedns and everything that was going on around me, except for the excessive workload.
However, lately, i've been getting so upset over the smallest things, and i cant seem to get my mind off of them. If i fight with a friend, i feel like the world is going to end. Something little sets me off and i feel like i dont have a reason to live. I've considered suicide so many times these past few weeks over things that seem so minor once i have some time to think about it.
It feels like its happening more and more though. i just cant seem to ever feel happy like i used to. I feel like im numb, i cant feel any emtions, and when i smile or laugh, i just start worrying about when the good moment will be over. I spend so much time crying for no reason and sitting around because i cant see a point in doing anything anymore- nothing is fun or makes me happy.
hey mazz its great that you're using the boards here to ask for help-- that's a brave step to take. it sounds like there's a lot of waiting in your life right now, and maybe some anxiety about starting university? major life changes, like leaving home and going to school, frequently contribute to that feeling of numbness that you describe. do you feel like talking about how you've been feeling would be helpful? maybe finding a friend to talk to, or looking into some sort of therapy, or just journaling a lot might help you sort out why you are feeling this way, and come up with some ways to enjoy life more. many people go through points in their life where they feel disconnected and constantly unhappy. if it passes on its own, that's great, but if it doesn't, sometimes finding a profesional to talk to can make a lot of difference.
thank you for being so open in your post. you mentioned that you've been considering suicide over the last little while. i want to make sure you have the numbers of some crisis hotlines in your area (you are in australia, yes?), and i want to encourage you to call them if you begin feeling suicidal again. there's a website that lists hotlines at http://www.suicidehotlines.com. the only australia number i could find was this one: Australia Suicide Prevention Hotline 13-1114 Australia not knowing anything about australia, i don't know if that's a local call for you or not.
please continue to come back to the boards if you continue feeling this way-- there are a lot of people here who support you!
Posts: 72 | From: oberlin, oh / new york city | Registered: Dec 2001
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I think depression is something most people got through at one point or another during their life. The most important thing is to see past it and not let yerself become controlled by it. If you distance yerself from your friends, it's liable to simply make things worse. Depression is a part of life, a challenge. Some unfortunate people just don't make it throught it.
Posts: 49 | From: winnipeg,mb,canada | Registered: Apr 2001
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I thought i'd just reply to this instead of starting a whole new topic. I have to say that things have not gotten much better. I too initially thought that it was just to do with nerves or whatever about moving out, but its been a month now.
I moved out at the start of feb. Its not so great there. I thought it would be social and fun, but its really quite lonely, and i spend my weekends at home because its easier. I also spend all my time on campus wishing i was at home. And i cant move home without wasting alot of money, and proving that i really cant do anything.
I just don't see a point to anything anymore. When i was in highschool, the point was to get here. Now that im here, i dont have anything to want. i dont want a job. i dont want to study. i dont want anything. nothing would make me happy. Life just seems like a waste of time. Its a boring mass of nothing and im just filling in the time doing things that i hate. I cant do things that i love because there are none. Honestly.
Hey, mazz, can you give it a little more time? A month really isn't very long when you're trying to settle into a new place and get used to a new school and all of that.
I remember feeling very much the same when I moved out on my own for the first time -- sort of a "hey, this isn't what I expected, why aren't I having any fun?!" feeling. It took a while, but gradually I found some things to do by myself that I enjoyed, and I made a few good friends who I liked spending time with.
Does your school have a councilor or anyone you could talk to? I think what you're experiencing is pretty common among new students, and usually schools have people who are there to help new students through the first few months.
And I can't remember if you've ever talked about this here, but have you ever considered being screened for depression? There's really a lot that can be done to treat depression these days, and if that's what's going on, it could make a world of difference for you. Honestly.
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