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Author Topic: cutting - seek professional help?
Sallynha
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Ok, this is about one of my friends.

He's actually my ex-boyfriend, and after we broke up we remained friends for a few months, but now I decided we just couldn't be friends so we do't talk anymore.

Obviously I still like him and care about him, so that's why I'm here

After we broke up, he had like a big crush on a girl who didn't like him back, and who actually enjoyed taking advantage of his feelings. He didn't notice that, coz he was perfectly convinced she did like him but was just recovering from a break-up herself and "needed time to think". Well... as time went by he got kind of "stressed" or semi-depressed or something like that, coz he began to cut his arms, like small cuts.

He told me, he told the girl he had a crush on, and to at least another of his friends. The girl he had a crush on knew that somehow she was to blame (although I know she didn't intend to be a cause of anything), and eventually tried to talk him off it sometimes, but without result, coz he was becoming addicted to her and addicted to love her - that's weird, I know...

So, one of his friends went to his house one day and like "stole" the little crafts knife he had been using. It was really nasty, old and dirty, I wonder how he didn't get any infection... so she tried to talk him off cutting but no use again...

I myself tried to tell him that cutting was neither a mean to get something he might have wanted, or a mean to make something become easier for him, but he'd just not listen to anyone.

Neither of us girls told his parents or anyone else, so I guess we were friends just trying to help even if we couldn't.

Well, he has been in a handfull of relationships since we broke up, lasting from 1 or 2 weeks to 1 month, and I guess he never stopped cutting during any of them, and all the girls knew about it I guess.

The other day, his last girlfriend (named Bela) came looking for me (we used to know eachother a year back and were close during some time), saying that she had something urgent to tell me. Well, apparently my ex-boyfriend's mother had called her, she was desperate as she had found out about her son cutting his arms, and wanted my Bela to talk to him and help him.

Bela told me what she told his mother: that she was no longer his girlfriend, and he didn't care about her anymore and wouldn't listen to her, because when they were dating she told him to not to cut himself, and he said something like "you can't tell me that coz I rule my life"...

So Bela was asking me to help him as (in her words) he still cared a lot for me and he would listen to me and it was me who he needed. Well, afte these words I had to tell her I was no longer a friend to him coz it was just not possible due to his umbearable -for me- personality changes, and that I tried to help him in the past and he wouldn't care.

So, what I'm seeking here, is... he has been cutting for about 5 or 6 months now. He does only 1 or 2 light small cuts everytime, using broken audiotape boxes or anything with sharp edges. The cuts he's doing are really small and physically they would be "harmless", but their harm is emotional here.

I was trying to know from everyone, but particularly from other cutters or ex-cutters if you get/got professional help, who decided you needed that, and how long after you started...

I really think maybe he needs professional help, although here in Portugal the system works in a different way and I think it would get expensive (and his familly is poor).

I'm only thinking about pro help now because in the beggining I really thought it was just a phase he was going through because of the girl... as I went through something similar and I stopped cutting after a couple of months - still, I didn't do it as often as he does...

So, thanx for reading till the end, I know this is a long post!

------------------
~Sallynha


Posts: 390 | From: * my own little shell * | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Beppie
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I'm going to move this topic to our Support Groups forum, and once I've done that I'll also look up some of our other threads on cutting with our nifty Scarleteen search function, as they may help with answering some of your questions.
Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Beppie
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Here you go:
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000054.html
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000011.html
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000175.html

Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fiesty_vixen
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I am an ex cutter and for a while, all I did was small cuts.

It started sorta like your ex. It was because of a guy that I obsessed about but couldn't have. Along with the guy thing it also had things to do with my situation at hime. Anyway...

First it was small cuts, during sewing and desing classes, anytime i could. The sight of blood calmed me for some reason. I read somewhere that when blood comes out of a cut, it sends signals to the brain and it makes you calm down.

Small cuts weren't enough for me so they became deeper and I started popping pills, etc. To me it was no big deal, because it was a silent cry for help. The only thing you are doing to this guy is making him hurt worse. He will eventually go on to bigger and sharper things, and eventually land himself in the hospital, like I did. You mentioned his family is poor, is there a school counselor he can talk to? Those are always a good help. There are also some websites that could help him. www.teenadvice.org is one that I went to. If you really care about him, even though you say you don't talk to him, do this for his mom, family, friends, because these small cuts you talk about are only the beginning...


Posts: 4 | From: Sandy Ridge, NC USA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sallynha
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Thanx for the replies...

To fiesty_vixe:

Maybe I didn't explain myself or you misunderstood my view.

I didnt't "undervalue" the size or depth of the cuts he's doing, I just said they weren't *physically* relevant, as they're like the kind of scratches you can do in a lot of activities.

I do want and intend to help him, and I was just seeking advice on the best way, because simply talking to him and give advice isn't working for anybody who tries to reach him.

I'm trying to figure out a way to get to him without failing, and when I find that way I'll get in touch with him.

In the meantime, I do and have always cared about him, it's just his personality has changed a lot in the past months, and that made me go away from him and his new friends.

I still have a bit of hope that when I reach him again he *will* listen to me, and maybe the fact that he hasn't heard from me for a while might help the situation, as I don't want to be always bugging him about something he doesn't wanna talk about.

As far as school counselor, he's studying in university. As far as schools go, here in Portugal there isn't such a thing as a school counselour... our educational system (as well as all the others) is very badly planned... But I'm not tottaly sure where the University of Lisbon hasn't go some sort of counselling service. I know that there's a health plan for students but I'll try to know how it all works.

So, thanks for the help!

------------------
~Sallynha


Posts: 390 | From: * my own little shell * | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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