I went for a walk today in the beautiful weather and I haven't felt so lonely in a long time. I saw cows and sheep and horses and miles of grass and clouds and the commencement of a sunset and I very much enjoyed it, but I want to share the scenes with someone. There is no one in my life right now in terms of a relationship and I want the yearning feelings to go away, so I starve them away. But I ate more than I intended today and that only intensifies the feelings. I like desensitizing myself to the usual human urges because I cannot manage them, I become too consumed by them and never fulfilled because there is no one with whom to fulfill anything. I can be happy by myself, but with regard to some parts of life, I cannot please myself alone and I need to make the feelings go away. My throat is itching from all the food that I ate, I want to take it out of me. Bye for now.
Posts: 11 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2001
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You are a whole person, even if you are single. You can have fun. You can enjoy life. A relationship is not going to make everything better.
I think that what you seek is a kind of validation - you feel a need for someone to make you feel like you really matter? (Correct me if I'm wrong, of course!)
Remember this: eating disorders are a terrible thing to bear, and an even more terrible thing to watch. Malnutrition can cause serious, permanent damage or even death. If you suffer from bulimia, please seek help. You are a valued human being right now, and we'd like you to stay that way.
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Cahuna, is there anyone you can talk to about this? Maybe your parent, your guidance counselor, a teacher, a doc, a priest or rabbi or a relative? I think it would be good if you could share this with someone in real life. Just tell someone who's willing to listne how you feel. That's the first step; signalising you need help. I know that that is the hardest part, but I am sure there are people there who *can* and *want* to help you if you reach out.
ThisGuy is right, you are "whole" the way you are. You don't need someone to complete you, even though I can understand your feelings of loneliness and detachment from the world/other people too well. No human being can make you feel "whole", if you're not resting within yourself. While relationships are fabulous things and can help your personal development lots, it's a myth that "with a partner it will all be better". Things would most likely just get more complicated. I know my relationships were usually very troubled when I was going through a rough spot personality wise.
Longing for someone, longing for a relationship, longing for touch and being touched isn't wrong, hon, but accept those feelings and see them as what they are, human needs, but don't abuse food to make them go away.
Hon, talk to someone about how you feel and what's up with your relationship with food, will ya? Please.
*sending energy your way*
[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 04-23-2001).]
Okay honey, I am just going to reply to the way you fix your mood with food because I think the 2 posters have given some fab advice.
All info extracted from CLEO Singapore, May 2001
To break out of the feeding frenzy/cycle, the next time you reach for food, try finding another way to vent. Talk to a friend, write in your diary, anything. Also, it would help if you keep track of your eating patterns in a diary.
Next time you find yourself heading for the fridge, ask yourself out loud "Am I hungry?".
Also, try jotting down your feelings in anotebook. Once you start seeing trends in your notebook (Are you reaching for the ice cream near deadlines), it is easier to learn to stop eating for the wrong reasons.
When you are sad, try working out. With headphones on. Exercise and music can trigger levels of the same chemicals as cakes and biscuits.
When you are stressed, angry or nervous, try taking a warm bath instead of reaching for the pasta, noodles and potato chips. A hot soak helps relax your muscles.
When you are feeling tired and blah, try eating an apple, orange or banana instead of hard candy and sgary drinks. Candy and sugary drinks actually make you more tired as they spark a huge rise in sugar levels before making you crash. Fruit also gives you a boost but the effects last longer, thanks to nutrients and fibre which keeps blood sugar levels steady.
P.S. Should any of this info be wrong in any way, can someone please correct me?
Thank you for the support everyone. ThisGuy, you are correct- in my insecure instances, I want to be liked in order to feel that I belong and am worthwhile. I also know that if I am not worthy to myself, not many people will consider me to be an interesting individual. I don't have bulimia, but rather anorexia. When I am not restricting my food intake, I go overboard with junk food, and of course both of those are linked to emotions.
Alaska, I am twenty years old (twenty-one next month) and in college. Last semester I visited a psychologist on campus, but that was not very helpful. I realize that I need help, but I don't want to ask for it right now. I only want to become thinner. I have had anorexia since I was fifteen and was threatened with hospitalization by my doctor at one point. I did not desire that so I gained weight, but I don't care about much right now and losing weight appears to be the ideal adventure.
Lin, your suggestions are helpful and I have noticed that exercise does assist in making me feel better.
You know hon, help doesn't have to come in the form of a counsellor or psychiatrist. It can very well be a good friend, a close family friend. Of course, I would hope that eventually you manage to find a counsellor you like and can talk to about your frustrations.
Next time, instead of reaching for the junk food, reach for that person. Or come here to post.
And you know hon, losing weight is not the ideal adventure. Loving yourself is.
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