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Author Topic: How do you...?
tifa528
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Most of the people here seem to be really happy and content with themselves... and that is so wonderful. It's inspiring... especially to me. My self-confidence level has really increased since I've come here.

Anyways, my question is... how can you keep such a wonderful attitude especially when people try SO hard to point out your not-so-good qualities and make you feel not-so-good about yourself in general? Most of the time I try to see those qualities as the things that make me an individual, but when people are picking on them so much, it's hard not to just feel awful about them.

This is something that alot of us have to deal with everyday... it's really difficult for me and I don't think I'm alone. I really need your input, especially right now.

Hey, you might even get a cookie! Well... maybe not.


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Maybe the thing to do is to address WHY you're being picked on so much pragmatically?

The thing is, it is hard for even the most resilient person to keep a healthy esteem and self-image if every time they stand up, they get knocked down.

Is this at school that this is happening, at home, both? Can you (or someone else) actually DO something to curb how much it is happening?

Let's see if we can't alleviate some of the problem first, okay? If we can, you may find it a lot less difficult to feel good about yourself. because from what I have seen of your posts here, you have plenty of great qualities you should take pride in.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68232 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I just saw your post in the next thread, sorry about that.

So, right now you are out of school due to all this crudola?

You know, maybe it's worth looking at some home-schooling or self-education? Eclipse is a GREAT gal to talk about about this, and she'd tell you that she thinks it is far BETTER that she is self-educated.

Sounds like it was a bad situation, but sometimes, bad situations can spark very positive ones, so there is no need for this to be a tragedy. It could, in fact, be a gift in disguise.


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tifa528
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As soon as I moved to North Carolina from Florida, I had no choice but to be home schooled since we didn't have a permanent address. It all turned out of be a scam, and I had to be sent back a grade. My parents now have a very bad opinion of home schooling and it’s pretty much too expensive for us anyway. The same goes for private school.

About the picking thing... I’ve always been picked on pretty badly, since I was young. I’ve always tried to be different... an individual (which will automatically get you some degree of bad treatment), which was probably a bad idea for someone as sensitive as I am. I guess people sense the weakness in me.

When that incident happened that you read about, the only friends I had left were the ones I made in my church youth group. I also met my boyfriend of over a year there. It’s my only way of social interaction, if you don’t count the internet (I’m not even very successful at that...). I don’t even live in the county where this church is, but because of the relationships I have the people there I’ve become well known in that area. People feel they can spread rumors about me, talk about me almost to my face... and they don’t even really know me. I don’t understand it... maybe it's jealousy. My boyfriend is quite the hottie. Most of the crap that the girls say about me is about how I am “so ugly”... sometimes followed by some comment along the lines of, “How did Will end up with her?”. That still doesn't explain the guys.

There are alot of random things. Example: I was with my friends last weekend, and we were parked in the mall parking lot talking with someone, and some guy pulled up to talk to someone behind us. One of my friends knew him, and she was calling him names just playing around with him. He got in the car with his friend and we continued with our little conversation. I noticed he kept on looking at me, and here I am thinking that maybe he’s checking me out. Yeah, right. He took what my friend said too seriously, and he got out of the car. “You think I’m ugly, look at that ugly ::censored:: with the big ::censored:: nose.” It’s weird that he picked me out over all of the other girls there. It couldn’t have been that he thought I was the person talking about him, because I didn’t even say anything the whole time.

It’s just whenever I feel good about myself, someone says something about me... or I hear a rumor. It never fails. I care way too much about what people think and say about me. Why? Well, let’s call the tormentor A, and the victim B. I see A making fun of B, and when I look at B, whatever A is saying is pretty much true. So, to me... if someone calls me ugly, that’s automatically the truth. God, this is long! I talk too much.


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Heather
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In terms of the home-schooling, there are actually plenty of ways to make it cost NOTHING, honey. If you want to talk about that later, we can, but I'm not sure why you've been led to believe it's expensive (does your state have requirements about it, maybe? i don't know).

You know, the best I can say about the kinds of things you go through isn't so great, but it's my best.

Sometimes, when it's very obvious someone is easily hurt, people who like to pick on others feel they have found the perfect victim. That stinks, I think it's terribly cruel, but that can be the case, and it might be some of what is at play here.

So, the best thing I can tell you is to really work on knowing that what other people say to hurt is NOT an accurate assesment of yourself or your character. And it does sound like those girls are indeed jealous. Realize that perhaps they might have every reason to be -- and that, in fact, says very positive things about you (though in a very backwards way).

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this. And I don't know an easy way through it. But what I do know is that it does get better with time, and as you do start to realize that the problem isn't with you, it's with people who are abusive and cruel.


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tifa528
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I'll need books and stuff... that's quite a bit of money... then the study guides and things. The homeschooling program I went through charged me for everything they possibly could. If it was time for a big test, they'd charge me for that (that makes no sense)... and then the worst part was, once you had payed for everything and completed the test, they said that I never did it and that I need to do it over again (which meant more money...). My cousin went through the same thing too.

Thanks for listening and understanding. Everyone here is just wonderful, especially you!


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Eclipse
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Thank you kindly for your encouragement, Miz S.! I always worry that I come across as critical or prostlytizing (I know I spelled that wrong), but... I just feel that people should know about this stuff!

I left school when I was 10. I taught myself for seven years. I am now a student at a selective college and a national merit scholar. I have friends. I have a boyfriend. I have a job. I am in no way crippled in society for not having gone to school. I got to learn stuff and do stuff I'd never had time for if I'd been in school. I speak Hawaiian. I spin and weave. I raised chickens. I built computers. I slept all day. I did whatever the heck I wanted. I highly recommend it.

Home schooling is expensive? ...but, it's free! North Carolina regulations are relatively minimal. Does one of your parents have a GED or highschool diploma? Are you willing to take a standardized test once a year? And fill out a form or two saying that you want to homeschool? 'Cause that's all you have to do. It's not expensive at all. The state isn't even allowed to drop in and check up on you.

Of course if you're sixteen or almost sixteen, you'll be legal pretty soon, and probably won't want to bother declaring as a homeschooler for the state. (You certainly don't have to be a registered homeschooler with the state to explain to colleges and other programs that you were self taught for a couple years!)

If you did have money to spend on a homeschooling program, the best one that I know of is only around $500 a year. Really cheap compared to private school, but really expensive compared to free. Free!

What are your interests? You've got writing listed in your profile, and that's definitely not expensive! All you need is pencil and paper or access to a computer (which I'm going to go ahead and assume you have ) Want people to discuss your work? Join a writing circle in your community or even on-line. There are people who spend their free time discussing writing with homeschoolers. What are your other interests? There are cheap available ways of learning/doing most things. And if you'd like, I'd be happy to offer my assistance, or just a friendly ear.


Posts: 257 | From: Sarasota, FL | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
tifa528
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That is so great! I think it's awesome that you've been able to do all that. I just realized it's been almost a year since this happened. It doesn't even feel like it's been 3 months. Anyways, the freedom is wonderful. I've learned so many new things... but the ability to sleep all day is the best part about it.

The only thing I don't like about staying at home is that it's really hard for me to meet new people... especially since I live 10 miles from anything and anyone.

Anyways, now that I've gotten some time (alot of time actually) to get my head on straight, I'm ready to start making things happen. I'll be taking the GED classes at the local community college. I'm gonna go get my permit. I'm thinking about going to the college after I get my GED... and then I guess I'll decide where I want to go from there. I'm just afraid that when I enroll, they'll want to know details about where I've been for the past year. That's my mom’s latest thing to stress out about.

I've always been interested in anything creative. Writing (I'm not very good at it, but still...), photography, webdesign... graphic design. Music especially, though. I've been playing the guitar for almost a year. I love to sing, and I do it whenever I get the chance (I'm in a band, I sing in church...). Learning anything new about different cultures, religions... that's always been interesting for me.


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Eclipse
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That's awesome!! Sounds like you've been homeschooling all along. Sounds like you're feeling a bit better too. I know it can be hard meeting people. I lived 45 minutes from anything and anyone, quite literally, but fortunately I prefer to keep to myself & my loved ones. Check out http://www.nbtsc.org if you want to meet some other free spirits online.

As for college... well, worrying about college is normal for anyone, but try not to let it be too much of a burden. It's really not. If you want to read about homeschoolers going to college, try and find a copy of Cafi Cohen's "And What About College?" I would very much recommend writing to college admissions and explaining what you've been doing with your life, what you've been learning and studying and can do, why it's a good thing for you, why you want to go to their school. If you have a GED they won't care that you don't have a diploma. The one thing they might care about is a transcript. That's usually not a big deal, because you can probably write up some documentation of things you've been learning. Booklists, references of people you've talked to projects you've done (a webpage you've made, places you've sung at).

As far as I can tell, the only thing you need to make sure of is that you meet you colleges' course requirements. Private schools can be flexible on those if they really want to, but state schools aren't allowed to be. i.e., if they want you to have four years of english, biology, chemistry, two years of math, three years of foreign language, two years of history, etc, etc, you need to document that stuff to get in. So check you colleges' requirements, and if there's anything that you don't know anything about (again, even if you didn't take it in school, if you've studied it on your own, you can document it and chances are actually very good that they'll accept it)... study it! Community college classes can be a good way to ease back into school if you're especially worried, but they can be expensive too. In fact, going to a community college might not be a bad idea.

Why do you want to go to college? And where? Is it really what you want to do? If you're not sure it is, you should consider taking some time to think about other options too. I know a lot of happy young people who are doing things besides college (I know Sarabeth wanted to biketour through Europe next...Adriyel is doing the webdesign for the Self Education Foundation... Casey got married and had a baby girl... Nick is head of customer support for a small internet software company... Jake is building strawbale/cob houses...) If college is what you want to do, go for it. Do your research. And don't be shy about giving them information about yourself.


Posts: 257 | From: Sarasota, FL | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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