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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Cutting (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Cutting
ComeOriginal
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This is not so much as a questions but rather a request for comments from any of us out there!

I stopped cutting almost a year ago, vowing not to do it again because I thought I was "stronger than that". I used to cut because I got angry at myself. It wasn't like I wanted to die, I just dealt with my anger that way. Well, I got in an argument with my friend and I cut myself again. It was for a stupid reason and I guess I just got caught up in the "moment" and did it. It went something like I was gonna cut myself if she didn't stop doing it herself. I don't even remember! Either way, it was a stupid reason, but I don't know if I regret it or not.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is why do people cut? I mean, if any one else out there would like to comment on why THEY cut...I'd like to hear it. It's interesting the range of viable reasons there are! Sometimes it helps to hear other people's reasons to help explain your own.


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LilBlueSmurf
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There are a billion and one reasons why people cut themselves. It's a form of release, for some. It was for me.

The real issue here isn't why other people do it, it's why YOU do it. You need to find out why and you need to stop it. It is NOT a healty way for you to deal w/ your emotions. It's just not an acceptable behavour. I'm not going to tell you what to do. I went through this also, a while ago, and people telling me what to do just made me even more mad. You're already angry, for one reason or another, and i'm just not going to add to it. It doesn't help the situation.

However ... You can read how i dealt w/ it herehere[/url] if you like. What i did worked for me. Whatever you do is completely up to you tho. It's important that you know that there is a way out of it. You do'nt have to hurt yourself to feel better. Over the past year or so I've learned from a number of sources how to deal w/ "uncomfortable" emotions, and if you seek the help, i'm sure you'll find it. It's out there ... Ya just gotta get up the courage to ask for it.

Feel free to contact me on icq if you need talk


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italienprincess
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i used to cut too

i did it because it made me feel better about myself. i always feel like a dissapointment to my parents, and whenever i did something wrong, like, get a bad grade on a test, forgetting to bring in the garbage cans, things like that, id just hate myself. cutting made me feel better, like i was punishing myself for doing something wrong.
it started small, but then i couldn't stop. it was like an addiction, i had to do it.
people at school stopped believing me that they were cat scratches. everyone thought i was crazy and stayed away from me. i learned to do it where no one could see, i.e. my stomach.
well, my mom found my stomach one day, it was bleeding really relaly bad. i had to go to the ER and get stitches. then they sent me to a behavorial health hospital. it was the most terrifying thing in my entire life. they treated you like suicidal freaks. no one understood that i never wanted to kill myself, i just wanted to hurt.
people still thinkim weird, but i take it as a compliment. its been almost 4 months since ive cut, and im going strong


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Juice
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i also cut.

i'm not exactly sure why... but sometimes i get so upset over something really small.
like my mom has to work late, or i accidentally brake something.

things like that can just set me off and i'll start crying and screaming and yelling really awful things at myself, like nobody would even notice if i killed myself and my friends only hang out w/ me because they feel sorry for me (this is my latest one).

i just spin off into histarics (sp?) and the only thing that will make me calm down and stop crying is if i cut. it's like i'm releasing all the bad stuff. and after i'm done (cutting) i just get up and i feel fine, like a normal person. i go back to whatever i was doing before and i'm all cheery and normal.

if something bad happens at school or somewhere where i can't cut i bite or pinch myself, sometimes i pull my hair. i like to tell myself it's not as bad as cutting, thet it dosen't count b/c i don't bleed, but deep down i know that's not true.

i like to think that the real me is the one that is happy and normal, but sometimes i'm not so sure...

well, i donno how this will help you, like smurf saod, you need to find out why you cut, and hopefully that will help you. you sound like you've come really far and just had one little slip, so try to make it just ONE slip, and you'll be fine. i hope that i'll be where you are some day!

jess

[This message has been edited by Juice (edited 04-17-2001).]


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Mary
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I cut, too. Actually, as of about three days ago I "used to cut", but I went back to it out of anger and sadness. I told myself that I was never going to do it again a few months ago, but I did it this week anyway.

I can't tell you why I cut, really. I guess I did it because I was angry about how I'm conducting my life, and I thought that if I hurt myself, it'll make everything better, because I would be throwing away my strength and falling into a helpless state. That way I wouldn't have to deal with anything anymore.

WOW! Where did that come from? I didn't even know that's why I did it! I guess it is, though. It makes perfect sense... But to tell you the truth, it's just made things harder for me.... Nothing got easier.

Cutting has really changed my life (not in a good way). I always hold back temptations and guilt. I'm mad at myself for not handling my anger and sadness in a more mature way. I just told my mom last night that I cut, and she's making me talk to my therapist about it so I can recieve help for my cutting.

I just thought I'd add this in here:

When school started I was very worried and concious of my self-mutilation habits. My English teacher was reading over a list of rules for her class one day, "Do not speak unless you raise your hand, no chewing gum, and NO CUTTING!"

NO CUTTING?! Can she read my mind? Is this class so bad that people resort to cutting in here?

And then I realized, "Ohhhh.... She meant cutting class!"

------------------
"Honey, whose car is that in our driveway?"

"It's yours, Frank."

"It IS, isn't it?"


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ComeOriginal
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Hey there...yeah I really appreciate all these replies. It makes sense...everyone of yall said a little bit of what i feel about cutting. I did it that one time....and i did it again last night...I feel bad, but when I did it....i needed to. I don't know. I'm really confused and I know I should see a therapist, but most of the time I feel like I have it under control and I don't know how much I could give it up. I mean, I don't want to die, but my life is so stressful right now and I feel like "why are people making me participate?" I have a spinal condition and I'm in a lot of pain and it feels like..."if i hurt so much, why can't I just sit in bed all day?" it's a crappy attitude, but it really upsets me when people don't realize that. Does this make any sense? And then the littlest things set me off and I crack. Permanent marker helps...I draw all over myself with it to sort of substitute for the razor. That and eyeliner...heavy lines around my eyes sometimes work. Any other good relief techniques out there?
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LilBlueSmurf
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I really like the rubber band technique.

Put an elastic band thingy around your wrist and snap it when you feel like "harming" yourself. It'll leave red marks and maybe a bit of bruising, but you're not drawing blood and it's not cutting. There is a difference.

Or there's always the ice cube trick. Grab an ice cube from the freezer and close your fist over it. Doesn't feel too good does it? And it can't cause permanent damage like cutting can.

I think it's completely normal to feel the way you do. And i do really believe you need to see a therapist. Everyone needs an outlet for their problems and some of us just have more problems than others or don't know how to deal w/ the problems we have. You're never too old to learn

Good luck hun ...


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JLover
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i cut sometimes.. and not very deep. i usually just take pins and needles and scratch myself or make little slits in my skin. i've never had any medical complications from doing it and i don't really feel the need to stop. the scratching i just do because it feels sort of nice and relieves tension and when i get angry and i can't scream or yell i just cut myself and that relieves tension as well. i'm not recommending it but i don't think its a big deal for the extent i do it.

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like i always say, whatever floats your boat as long as you don't sink mine. :)


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LilBlueSmurf
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You're not recommending it, but it's ok for you? That doesn't sound right.

It's never ok to harm yourself. Ever. No matter how little you do it or what excuses you make ... It's just not ok. You shouldn't feel like you have to hide your emotions. If you're angry at someone, tell them. If you're upset, it's ok to cry sometimes.

Have you ever considered talking to someone like a therapist or psychologist?


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Mary
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I just wanted to add this in:

Cutting is a form of self-mutilation (the act of purposely inflicting pain on your body), but it's not the only one. Self-mutilation can come in many different forms: bruising, breaking of bones, burning, biting, wound interference (creating a wound and not letting it heal), or scratching. I know before I cut, I would pinch my forefinger really hard into my thumb to the point of deep marking and pain. I don't think I realized at the time that what I was doing was self-mutilation, but it was. I had every intent then that I do now when I cut.

I was doing some research on this subject for an article, and I came across some interesting statements that made a lot of sense to me. I realized that one reason I cut was to transfer my emotional pain to physical pain, because it was easier to deal with that way... But in the end, it doesn't get rid of the emotional pain. It just feels like it at the moment. When I self-mutilate, I'm doing it to gain a sense of control over my intense emotions, but I'm actually only making the situation worse in the long-run.

Most people self-mutilate because they haven't learned healthy ways of managing their stress or intense feelings. The are so many other ways to deal with them, though: Punch a pillow, scream, run, go to the gym, scream with your Fiona Apple on maximum volume, throw darts at a picture of the person you're angry at, or just write down why you're so angry! Don't get mad at your skin... Get mad at your pillow.

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Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."


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JLover
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i don't like to cry. and i'm not really hurting myself. if it *really* hurt or if i was causing significant damage then i wouldn't do it. it's not my only way of getting out those sorts of feelings either.
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LilBlueSmurf
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You're making excuses, sweetie. And that's fine ... we've all been there.

While you're not causing significant damage to yourself physically, you're certainly making up for it in the psychological deptartment. By cutting yourself and "scratching" yourself, you're not dealing w/ what bothers you. You keeping it all in and then you have scratches to remind you of what you did wrong or what could've been done better. There are such better ways to do that, tho. Talking is a good one.

I'm glad it's not your only way tho. Why not resort to the others more often then?


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PoetgirlNY
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I hadn't cut for a few months, but I did again last week. I feel really terrible right now . . . it's also annoying that it's 85 degrees out and I can't wear shorts. I definitely think that I do it because I don't have any healthy way of dealing with intense emotions. But I've tried all those other things that normal people do and they never make me feel any better. Sure, I enjoy running, writing, screaming into a pillow, punching a pillow, singing along with Fiona Apple, etc. but it never takes away the emotional pain like cutting does. I really wouldn't have a problem with cutting if it were possible to just never have anyone find out and not have scars. It's just that I keep getting in a lot of trouble with school and my parents because of it. I hate always having everyone mad at me. It also makes me feel like a total freak, which I guess I am.

------------------
Limes Are Sublime


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Mary
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Poetgirl, you need to realize that you're not alone and that cutting doesn't make you any less of a person. You're not a total freak. A lot of people cut. And no one is mad at you (at least not here). There's nothing to be mad at... You're dealing with your emotions in the only way that you know works for you. But you can't keep blaming yourself for it.

You need to find someone or something that can give you information on how you can help yourself, because cutting is definately not a solution (and you know that). But YOU'RE the only one who can control how you deal with your emotions. We can be here for support and listen to you, but you need to do the dirty work. And you CAN do it! Maybe you just need some information... Maybe you just need some inspiration, someone to talk with, or some time. Here's a good website with information, resources, FAQ's, support, and more. Start here... And good luck! I'm stuggling, too. But if we all work and get the proper help we need, we can ease ourselves out of self-mutilation and bring ourselves into an emotionally and physically healthy world.
http://teenadvice.about.com/teens/teenadvice/cs/cuttingbranding/index_2.htm

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Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."


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angel420
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i used to cut too.

every time i look at my scars it reminds me of where i have been and the road i have taken. after i was raped 6 months ago i started cutting because i was angry at myself. to this day i still have the urge to cut but i havent in a while.

to all those girls who are going the same road i am: dont look at your scars as a sign of weakness. look at your scars as a mark of your strength.


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LilBlueSmurf
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I think the urge to cut will always be there ... b/c we can all look back and think "well that worked then ..." ... But that was before we knew what we could do to stop the bad feelings.

So yes ... As you said, Angel, the scars show how much we've learned since then and have become stronger b/c of it.


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Lisa D
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Um, anyone else a hair-ripper (clinical term, i believe, is Trichomania, but I'm not sure about the spelling)

i don't pull the hair on my head, but i do pull out my eyelashes, which doesn't do any real damage (or none i've noticed, because they always grow back) but it is a weird compulsion. i do ok sometimes, and other times, I don't. It's fairly benign compared to cutting, but they definitely seem interchangeable depending on the person.

What i'm interested in is this; has anyone found something that helps calm compulsions? I've tried meditating, but typically, I'm too agitated to concentrate.


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ComeOriginal
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Someone in my school brought a mirror to class and pulled out every one of her eye lashes. I would think it would hurt even more than cutting...maybe that's just me who can't have anything near my eyes. Rubber bands, permanent marker, and eye liner are the best. Bubble baths and sleeping pills work wonders as well(just don't put the two together...you could drown)
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Mary
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Hey, Lisa. Maybe, to help with compulsions, you could take up another habit instead of pulling our your eyelashes. What if you always had something in your hand and squeezed it? That can help relieve stress and give yourself something else to do instead of harming yourself. Here's a good "recipe" for stress-relieving balls:

Fill a baloon up half-way with flour, add water, and then tie the knot so nothing can get out. It feels good in your hands .

Or you know what else might help if you can't stop thinking about wanting to pluck your lashes? Put yourself in front of a mirror and turn your head so that you can see the outline of your face: your nose, lips, and eyelashes. While looking at the mirror through the corner of your eye, make motions of plucking your eyelashes, but don't really do it... Do it behind your head so that you don't harm yourself, but it looks as though you are to your eyes. This can trick the mind... I saw it on 20/20 a long time ago (but dealing with a different situation). It's worth a shot.

Good luck to you, Lisa .

------------------
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."


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Rio
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I'm a cutter well...was I'm trying to quit...again. I hope I manage to pull it off this time. In the last four years I have cut for various reasons. Some reasons were to calm down, focus, escape depression, get rid of anger, and sometimes to kinda wake myself up. Hurting myself is not a good way to deal with this stuff. Cutting damages your mind and body. If you are someone who is a self mutilator (no matter if you think it is a big deal or not) please get help. Therapy has helped me, and so have good friends. Smurfie's reccomendation with the rubber band works nicely. Though I usually find myself making statements like Poetgirl's that nothing works as well as cutting. But if any of us want to stop cutting we are gonna have to make do with the alternatives. I still have urges (I had a very very strong very dangerous one a week ago) but I'm learning to fight them as best I can. Though I dont always win at least I'm trying my best. I've been doing that for a long time. I've tried to quit quite a few times. Well, there's my two cents take it for what its worth
Hugs,
Rio

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Mary
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I was just wondering how everyone was doing. I hope everyone is staying strong . And even if you're not, I hope you're talking about it and getting help. We Scarleteeners are always here to help and comfort you!

So I'm sending out my support to all of you... Good luck with your journey!

------------------
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."


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PoetgirlNY
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Yay, I haven't cut since a few weeks ago that I posted about. I'm pretty happy that I managed to nip it in the bud this time and not let it become a habit again. Unfortunately, I'm really depressed now in general. School is so stressful. Oy. I have a really cool new girlfriend and I almost feel like I should break up with her so as not to inflict myself and my craziness on her. Things are hard, but school will be over soon and then I'll be off to San Francisco for the summer to stay with my aunts who I love sooooo much. Things should be better then, I hope.

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Limes Are Sublime


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LilBlueSmurf
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Things are actually looking up for me too. I haven't cut in over a year ... I had a little incident w/ the pill bottle a few wks ago, but i discused this w/ my therapist and she said i'm allowed to make mistakes. And that was a mistake.

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For I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me.
~ Winnie the Pooh


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Mary
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I'm glad you guys are doing better . Poetgirl, I hope you have a lot of fun in San Francisco. Are you going to visit Danny? That'd be awesome! And that's wonderful about having a girlfriend. And Smurphy, I'm glad you discussed your mistake with your therapist... I'm proud that you haven't cut in so long!

I am resisting temptation after temptation, and I've succeeded so far. I'm proud of myself! It can be hard at times, but I'm making it. And hopefully the end of school will bring about a happier me .

------------------
Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."


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maniacz
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i cut myself 2!!!heck for no reason i cut myself, my friend cut his arm, i follow
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keoki_14
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I cut. I cut the other day, and my boyfriend is pretty upset about it. I do it for emotional release. I just want the emotional pain to turn to physical pain. I don't cut deeply, just a little blood. It's still bad though.

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Sarcasmic, orgasmic, fantasmic...


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ComeOriginal
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I've cut twice since I said I was going to stop. I don't know what to do. Like I can't talk to anyone because I really don't want to go to therapy even though I know I should. I guess I just really don't want to have to speak openly with my parents(which shouldn't be a bad thing) I guess I'm just embarassed to have an open/loving moment with my parents. Is that twisted? I just know that if they found out that I cut or found out that I wanted to see a therapist....THEY would want to talk to me as well and I don't think I would want to explain myself. Like ever...and I guess that comes with the package. I just don't want them involved. It seems like...they are the ones who make me do this...so why should I have to give them the pleasure of seeing me break down. Or like I know that they will bug me forever with their lectures or discussions about it. I wish I could just see a therapist without anyone else knowing. Which is impossible because my parents would HAVE to know so that I could get there/pay for it/know where I am. And I can't tell any of my friends because they'd tell my parents. I guess I'll just breathe and deal.
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LilBlueSmurf
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You don't have to put up w/ things the way they are. You really don't. But the "ball is in your court" right now. The next move is yours.

You really should tell your parents ... and explain it to them. What a lot of people don't understand about SI is that they're not only hurting themselves. While you're cutting into your skin, you're breaking the hearts of those that love you. It's really hard to wrap your head around when you're just in the middle of 'one of those days' w/ a strong urge to cut. I know that, from past experience ... but it really is true. I saw what it did to my mom and sister and it's just horrible.

I got help w/o my dad knowing ... at first. But i chose to tell him. And then i told my mom and then it was just as normal as brushing my teeth. It comes up over dinner or sometimes when i'm talking to one of my friends in English ... It's really not something to be ashamed of. My appointments are in my schools guidance office w/ a social worker from childrens mental health services. So she comes in specially to see me ... pretty nifty huh? Point being, go to your guidance councellor and see if you can set something like that up. I didn't know they could do that until they asked. So ask!

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For I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me.
~ Winnie the Pooh


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mary
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Dern it! I just typed up this long post for you, ComOriginal... But I lost it. Anyway, here is the re-typed version of it:

I have to agree with Smurfie. You should tell your parents. BUT if you feel that you really CAN'T tell your parents about what you're going through, here's a suggestion:

Talk to your parents and tell them that you're going through a tough time right now, but you're not ready to talk about it with them yet. Maybe tell them a bit about problems you have besides your cutting and why you feel you need a therapist. "Because I have a lot of personal issues that I need worked out, and I think a professional could really help me with it." If your parents decide to set you up with someone, then that person can help you prepare to tell your parents and possibly help you understand your self-mutilation better so you'll feel more comfortable explaining it to your mom and dad. You could probably even talk to them about it in your therapist's office.

But that's just a suggestion if you really don't think you're ready to tell your parents. Otherwise I would strongly suggest to tell them, because as Smurfie said: SI doesn't just hurt the inflictor... It hurt's the inflictor's loved ones.

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Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."


Posts: 500 | From: Ohio, U.S.A. | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
italienprincess
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i cut because i mess up too much. im irresponsible, im rude, mean, selfish, stupid.

im not who i want to be, im not who my friends want me to be, im not the kinda student my teachers expect me to be, im not the kinda daughter my parents want.

im a screw up, from the very beginning. i never had a chance.
cutting helps. i suppose its like a punishment.
yesterday i did it, i got a C- on a math test. im better than that. im much better than that, and i have to keep my mind on track.

its like you said, i don't want to die, i just want to hurt.


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Mary
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You know what, Italien? You are who you are... And everyone's special.

Maybe you could do better, but you could also do worse. And I think a C- rather than an F deserves an applaud anyday . I often get wrapped up in what I could or should have done.

"I got a C; I could have gotten an A."

"I didn't hold the door open for that person back there; I should have. Now they probably think I'm rude."

But I realized that I need to give myself credit for what I DO do and not punish myself for what I don't do. I'm proud of myself for getting up everyday and going to school, and I'm happy that I have over a 3.0 GPA. I did a lot of work, and I deserve a pat on my back... Even if I didn't get a 4.0.

And I know I'll screw up; I make mistakes everyday. But that's ok, because I can pick myself up and try again. And if I fall the next day then I'll pick myself up again and feel good about trying.

Keep that in mind, ok?

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Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?

"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."


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JunkiePanda
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i have helped more than one friend from cutting themselves. an ex girlfriend of mine showed up at my door one morning bawling and clenching something in her fist. she dumped a broken razor/letter opener into my hand and we walked own to a creek and we talked and she put it into the water and we just talked...all day. just me and her about anything and everything that made her do it and want to do it and think about it. i would say the best way to help yourself fix your problems is talking...nothing beats it. if you cut i suggest sitting your closest friend down and making them help you. she hasn't cut in four months
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Sylviasdoll
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I was a cutter. I used to be one, I was one, I quit, and here I am, done with it. We all know the story. How it takes many years to become completely over that habit. I'm not too sure if any of this little glimpse into my life will help anyone but I have a compassionate heart, so here, I'll spill my guts for ya:
A few years ago, my friend, "L" told me she was a long time sufferer of self-mutilation, how she'd cut herself and it became an addiction for her. That was all it took, one little word and I was hooked. I had never really considered myself to be one who'd stoop so low to calm my whirling mind, but no of us ever do. It became a constancy for me. I'd do it in the shower, in my room, on the floor in the bathroom in school, whenever, and wherever I felt anxious and scared. Little did I know it would come to be the most incorrect choice I'd ever made. One day I cut myself so deep and so bad that I had to be rushed to the emergency room. I was drunk and depressed from breaking up with my longtime partner and in the midst of my despair I had nicked a vein in my arm. In a whirlwind of emotions and the hussle of hospital personel I glimpsed into my mothers crying eyes and saw her dying away right before me. I realized that I had broken her. It was then that I realized this had become too much for me.
I ended up in a mental hospital and got out on account of a lack of finances in my insurance. Eight days of holy terror and people who thought they knew me based on a one hour evaluation was enough to make me wanna run out. The day I returned home I was shocked to see that all of the knives and potentially harmful objects were stowed away somewhere else in the house. Even my stash of razor blades and knives was taken out of its hiding place.
I had no one to turn to. During my stay in "hell" I had lost all of my friends due to the fact that they couldn't "handle this". I was told by the hospital to see out-patient psychiatric help. I'm still seeing my therapist to this day.
I am still done. I am still very much on rocky ground with my parents. But throughout my ordeals there is one thing that I have learned, it will get better. There is nothing like the feeling of knowing that you can save yourself. Its taken my many years to come to this point in my life. There were many times when I thought I'd never stop cutting and then there were times when I thought I could just stop right then and there. But you can't do it alone. Although no one places the razor in your hand, you need to have someone help to you give it back. I hope that my story will help someone out there to realize that there is hope and you can save yourself.

~Look up into the skies and see the shining sun, it is a new day..the start of your new life~

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~sylvia~


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LilBlueSmurf
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Thx for sharing that Sylvia ... very inspiring
Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
girly2499
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quote:
Originally posted by ComeOriginal:
I used to cut because I got angry at myself. It wasn't like I wanted to die, I just dealt with my anger that way.

exactly. wow. i relate to that completely. i have only made myself bleed while cutting two times and that was done by erasing (taking an eraser and shredding off layers of skin.) and that was in january. i have just started to cut recently. i started erasing because my parents were getting divorced and it was just something i couldn't do anything about. this will sound horrible but i don't want to stop cutting. cutting makes me different than others. when i cut (i've stopped erasing. the scars are incredibly dark and it hurts much more. especially if you get a vein. it blisters up and yeah i'll stop talking about that.) i just scratch basically. like if you've ever been scratched by a cat. just like that. it bleeds just not alot. eh, i'm rambling. just thought i'd share.

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Kaley


Posts: 87 | From: nebraska, usa | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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