Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Morals??

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Morals??
Nookiebabe16
Activist
Member # 2190

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Nookiebabe16     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and we have decided we are ready to have sex. We both love each other very much and we have planned resposibly. I am on the PILL and he will use a condom. But there is something bad about this. I am a very religious person and i attend a Youth Group. They are supposed to be there for support and some of them are my best friends. Recently I let them know about me and Jon's decision and they flipped. Many of them went nuts on me in the middle of youth group telling me how it was a major mistake and I would regret it. They also said that I will go to hell. I feel like crying. These people are supposed to offer words of encouragement, not critism. I DONT believe that I will go to hell for this. Things like killing and stealing yes, but not this. A few of my guy friends from Youth Group are threatening to beat up my boyfriend as well, and it wasnt even HIS decision! He told me that he was ready whenever I was, and we could wait for 2 days, 2 years or until marraige.I made the decision to have sex. I told them that but theyre still on the rampage. What should I do? Thank you so much

Posts: 58 | From: Massachusetts, U.S.A. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pink
Activist
Member # 1071

Icon 1 posted      Profile for pink     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Do whatever you believe is best. You're the one having sex with him, not your youth group, right? But, if religion plays a big part in your life, think it over. Ask a clergy member. I can't really offer any hard core advice, but do what's best for YOU.

------------------
Yeah, well I'VE got blood dripping out of a hole between my legs, do YOU?!?
there is a difference between being stupid and being ditzy. i ought to know


Posts: 615 | From: New York | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It may be best for you to get input from those who do, but personally, I don't subscribe to the dogma or ideology that there is a "heaven" or "hell." I am also not, nor have I ever been, a member of any Judeo-Christian tradition.

However, what I can say from having studied those sorts of traditions is that a major tenet is not judging others, no? The people in your youth group should concern themselves with their own life and afterlife on that level, not that of another.

Does what you plan on doing present a conflict for you -- and you alone, or your partner -- in accordance with your particular religious beliefs? If it does, it is worth evaluating (and our sex readiness checklist includes this matter: http://scarleteen.com/pink/pages/readiness.html), because sex which makes you feel bad, or which you feel is "wrong" on some level really isn't worth having.

Call me nuts. but people planning on inflicting violence on your partner aren't exactly being the pinnacle of Christian love and morality. However, what I'd suggest in the future is that it's possible a religious group which stands counter to what you are doing may not be the best place to air this issue anyway.

In any event, it's really a personal issue, and I'd suggest you evaluate it for yourself and with your partner, and if it poses a religious conflict with you, that you address your pastor/priest/minister/rabbi with the issue rather than your youth group. You may also want to bring up the behaviour of this group while you're at it. Doesn't sound too empowering to me right now, honey.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ThisGuy
Activist
Member # 968

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ThisGuy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
As another non-Christian, it seems to me that offering violence to your boyfriend is a greater sin than pre-marital sex.

I'd talk to someone with more sense than the people you have been - judging by what you've said, they aren't the most mature people in the world.

By all means follow the strictest tenets of your religion, but don't do it because of the immature bullying of your peers. Talk to your local religious leader.

------------------
Ask not why dogs sniff each others butts...
Ask instead why you do not!


Posts: 915 | From: Australia | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nookiebabe16
Activist
Member # 2190

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Nookiebabe16     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I talked to my best friend Matt and he said that he supports me and Jon in this decision. He said it was fine with him but if Jon did anything to me he would cut Jons arms and penis off, which he would. But at least hes supportive. He just wants us to be safe which we plan on doing :-) Thank you!! Oh and do you have any advice on whats the most romantic spot to do it? I hope by asking that Im not voilating scarleteen guidelines and if I am im sorry :-)
Posts: 58 | From: Massachusetts, U.S.A. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
y'know, i've had a similar conversation before. my boyfriend is a devout christian, and i am a buddhist. i have interpreted my beliefs to mean that i will not use sex as a means of harming others (third precept). But he believes that sex before marriage is wrong. (funny how that didn't stop him ) So i said to him, "Of the thing that could possibly piss off god, like killing and stealing, being in love shouldn't be one of them."

besides, sex is a personal thing, and i treat it with discretion. it is the decision of you and your partner alone. your youth group comrades might think otherwise, but in the end, what will they really do?

as for where to do it, i would advise that you stay in the comfort of your own home because you can get in serious trouble if you get caught outside. set aside plenty of time and privacy for yourselves.

------------------
Someday, I will have a sexy car...a very...sexy...car!


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Milke
Activist
Member # 961

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Milke     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hate and harm are VERY un-Christian. And using the name of someone you consider your saviour to justify doing anything you want to sort of goes against the point of having a saviour, ne? It's alright to allow your religious beliefs to help shape your morals, in fact, it can be a good thing, but calling upon Jesus to hurt people seems like a serious sin to me -- and I am from a Christian background, and still try to adhere to what Jesus taught -- which was hardly to hurt people 'cause you disagree with them.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
HippyChick
Neophyte
Member # 2152

Icon 1 posted      Profile for HippyChick     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It seems we run into the same thing about here. I'm non-Christian although I used to go to church every week. With a few people it seems there's some 'ego'.. like 'You're going to hell for your sins but i'm perfect.' It sort of put me off from church because everyone wanted to better than the next person. Sorry, but no one is better than anyone else in my opinion. I'm sure even Christians do things that are wrong, but no one bothers them about it. So whatever your decision i'm sure whoever is up above isn't gonna yell at you like these people! I ran into the same thing when my friend came out to the school. Everyone else accepted the decision except for a select few devout Christians.. they emailed him and told him he was going to go to hell! I can't believe friends would turn on anyone like that. Well..actually I would but I can't stand it! Maybe you should reconsider who your friends are.. you should be talking to people who accept what you have to say.
Posts: 18 | From: Illinois | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nookiebabe16
Activist
Member # 2190

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Nookiebabe16     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
thanks for everything. I talked to my supposedly "christian" friends and they are still being like that. I told them that God doesnt hate sex before marriage..he hates murderers and stuff like that. oh well. my argument didnt go over well and now they regard me as a slut. but im a virgin! how can i be a slut? uugh. oh well.
Posts: 58 | From: Massachusetts, U.S.A. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lin
Activist
Member # 2050

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lin     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Honestly I doubt God hates anybody but that is just MY definition of God. I honestly think he loves all of us even if we do the most heinous things.

Okay. You have spoken to them and they are not being receptive about it. I say ignore them. You have made your decision. No one is here to tell you what's right or wrong. Especially if the people are the ones who can justify hurting someone else for no real reason.

Stick to your instincts and don't worry too much about what these people judging you.

[This message has been edited by Lin (edited 12-31-2000).]


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

Icon 1 posted      Profile for DarkChild717     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I am a non-Christian. But I have studied the Church. This God that they worship, that same god will send a newborn baby to hell if it hasn't been baptised. It has also been my experience from bible camp that doing almost anything is a hell-worthy trespass. There are very few things they told me at this camp that were "okay." They reiterated the sins. And everything I do and enjoy, was sin according to them. You can't please everyone. Trying to lead a sin-free life is nearly next to impossible. Everyone sins at some point in their life. Being born is almost a sin, because you are stained with the original sin. I have nothing against devout Christians. Some are the sweetest people. But some take it to the extreme and give all the others a bad rap. Violence in the name of God? Truly sad.
Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nookiebabe16
Activist
Member # 2190

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Nookiebabe16     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I told all my friends that God didnt like violence and then they were like then why did he make the ppl go on the Crusades?? I cant get anywhere with them. I dont care anymore Im just going to do what I want and not worry about them. Thanks to all of you that helped
Posts: 58 | From: Massachusetts, U.S.A. | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have a lot of trouble believing in the concept of the holy war. especially in the name of any god who is associated with the judeo-xtian tradition, and Allah, since the Koran states that they are one and the same.

as for the crusades, well, it's my opinion that it was a lot of blasphemy that probably pissed off god. the black plague hit shortly after the crusades, just a little something for you to chew on...

------------------
Inspected by Number 26


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Beppie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 94

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Beppie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
God made people go on the Crusades? Lol. I don't believe in God myself, but even if you do, it's pretty easy to see that people made people go on the Crusades. All of that about re-claiming the holy land is a load of nonsense. Christians were allowed to worship in Jerusalem before the crusades, they were not persecuted. The Crusades happened because there were too many knights in Europe and nothing to do with them, so they called an attempt to get power "holy" and bundled them off to slaughter thousands. Even most Christian and most Catholic scholars admit this, and say that the Crusades were a huge mistake on the part of the church.

And anyway, if your friends start in on you again, you can remind them of that thing Jesus was supposed to have said- "Let he who has no sin among you throw the first stone." According to what Jesus said, they have no place judging any of your actions.


Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
magpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2340

Icon 1 posted      Profile for magpie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
First I want to tell you how I admire your responsibility. That's great and it sounds like you really decided what you want. I am christain, but I think that sex before marriage is ok as long as you're responsible. And if you ask me, all of those people who are threatning you or your boyfirend will go to hell before you do. What you're doing is out of love and what they're doing is out of hate. Whatever do, make your own decisions.
Stay Happy

Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3