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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Ahhh a friend of mine wants to suicide, and I don't know how to help her!

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Author Topic: Ahhh a friend of mine wants to suicide, and I don't know how to help her!
AmakusaShiroTokisada
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Member # 403

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She's very depressed and wants to commit suicide. This is not good. All I know is her family's giving her a lot of trouble and it's making her sad. She's a very nice person but her family treats her like dirt. She's been really sad lately and she mentioned she wants to commit suicide. HOW CAN I HELP HER!?

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Anyone who dares to block my path shall die! Step aside, step aside!!!
*swings blade at the idiot that block my path*


Posts: 26 | From: Kirby's Dreamland, NY | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Most -- not all, but the majority of -- people who tell someone else they are thinking about suicide aren't suicidal, nor do they intend to commit suicide. In general, and unfortunately, most people who commit suicide just do it, they don't tell a soul, because then someone might intervene.

Most people who talk about suicide to tohers, on the other hand, are often sufferring from depression and ARE asking someone to intervene.

The best you can do as a friend is to offer to be around to listen when she needs you, and to give what support you can. But you aren't a counselor or a miracle worker. If her home is violent, or she has chronic depression, she needs some proffessional outside intervention, preferbaly from an independent counselor or therapist. Is there perchance a good counselor or teacher at your school she likes or feels comfortable with?

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68251 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PoetgirlNY
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I would say that it is better to be safe than sorry with suicide stuff. Try to get your friend to go to a guidance counselor or someone who knows how to deal with this. Remind her that no matter how bad things may seem at the moment, they will definitely get better. Pain is not forever.

Hmm, Miz Scarlet, are you sure about suicidal people usually keeping quiet? When I was in the hospital they gave me a fact sheet about suicide. It said that most people drop a hint to someone before attempting suicide. I know I did . . . but I could just be an exception. I didn't tell my therapist because I knew she would take it seriously and tell my parents. I did however tell a trusted teacher, who didn't take it seriously and didn't do anything about it.

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Limes Are Sublime


Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Let me clarify what I said a bit, Poetgirl, because what I was saying doesn't actually conflict with what you are saying, and I want to make sure I wasn't unclear, so thanks for pointing it out.

Indeed -- and often right before or at the time of a suicide -- many people drop a hint, usually with their behavior unintentionally, or more directly through language or letters. However, that is different than what more usually happens, and what I suspect this poster had heppen -- which is someone talking to others about the idea of comitting suicide, or thinking about suicide. Hope that makes sense, my cofee has yet to kick in.

I think the important difference to note is that most people, like you, who do tell people are, in fact, still alive (thus making you not an exception at all, but an illustration of this), and usually not because their real attemtpts were circumvented (by someone taking you to the hopsital when found OD'd, etc.), but because they did not truly intend to die. Put bluntly, dying isn't that hard to actually achieve. People who truly mean to do it will, and they will rarely tell anyone because they do truly mean to do it and do not want anyone standing in their way.

But as I said above, I think it's important to make sure that what else I said doesn't get understood as someone faking needing help -- most people who ask for help do need help. Most people who talk about suicide to tohers, while they may not suicide, still need help, because they are likely battling depression and feelings of helplessness.

I hope she can find a teacher, counselor, or an adult relative to talk to, because she likely needs one, and that sort of person can best assess the situation and do the things that need be done to help improve it.


Posts: 68251 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StarryRedhead
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I agree that if she's telling everyone she wants to die, she is reaching out for help. One of my friends went through a bad time, she cut herself, talked about death too much for my liking, and even claimed she was going to kill herself. It was very scary to hear and a lot of people got tired of it and even said to just ignore her. I don't think that's the way to go.

She needed help, she wanted help, she just didn't know how to get the help she needed. I think the most important thing to do is be there for her, continually tell her you're there for her, listen to her, and let her know that if there's anything she needs, you'll help. Eventually I talked my friend into going to a counselor, which she did and several months later improved.

There were times I wanted to give up on her because depressed people tend to have very negative thoughts, but she said the thing that kept her going was the friends who didn't give up. That's what made her finally get the help she needed. But remember if your friend seems to be beyond your help to talk to her parents, your teachers, a counselor, anyone who can help her to get the help she needs. You're a good friend for being concerned and wanting to help. Even if she is not happy with the thought of getting counseling, somewhere down the road she will be grateful.

Good luck.

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}{*Starry Ali*}{
"You flicker. And you're beautiful. You glow inside my head. You hold me hypnotized, I'm mesmerized..."
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Posts: 367 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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I've had my moments, and I'm pretty systematic about it. I withdraw from daily life, I pick fights so that people will get angry and avoid me so I can be alone (it's easier to die when you've severed yourself from everybody or everything you care about), and I become completely preoccupied with death. It's a scary place to be.

I suppose this is why I'm still around: don't let them be alone, at least not for very long. if they need help, even if they don't say anything outright, please stick with them. that way, if something does happen, at least you can be there to get them to a hospital or something before it's too late.

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Someday, I will have a sexy car...a very...sexy...car!


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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with that said, here's something i just read in the L.A. Times

some people don't get the help they need.

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Someday, I will have a sexy car...a very...sexy...car!


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AmakusaShiroTokisada
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Err I actually I agree on the safe than sorry part. I forgot to mention that she lives in Canada and I live in New York. I'm not Superman so I can't fly there. There's no way for me to help her directly, but since we're still good friends I'm doing all I can. Of course I certainly hope Miz Scarlet is correct. Yet keep in mind not everybody thinks alike and will do unexpected things. I just have a very uneasy feeling... I hope she doesn't do anything stupid.
Posts: 26 | From: Kirby's Dreamland, NY | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lee
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Oh boy, I have no idea what to say about this. I don't know exactly what her situation is so I can't really give good advice. We all have to play the hands we are dealt and from what you've said she may have a pretty bad hand. Few things can cause more problems for someone growing up than a home environment that is not healthy. Older people can leave their husband or wife, or move out of the place they are staying. But when you're 15 or so there isn't much of anything you can do but try and cope with it till you're in a position to support yourself.

All I can really tell you, and my advice isn't always golden, is to be there for her and support her and tell her every day that things may be bad today but that she is the one who chooses her tomorrows. I did, my family is....lets not go there. I've been out of my parent's house for about a year and a half now and things are better now than I ever imagined they would be. We can't always choose what happens to us, but we can choose what we take away from our experiences. We can either give up, give in, and find a nice quiet corner to lie down and die in. Or we can reach down inside ourselves and find the strength and the hope to keep fighting no matter how much those around us try to beat us down. That means forging one's will into a cold bar of tempered steel that cannot shatter and will never bend. We all have our mountains to climb and some are steeper than others. But there is no greater joy than to reach the summit and bask in the sunlight, leaving behind those who worked to make us fall. No revenge is sweeter than to succeed in the face of adversity.

Oh geez, I always seem to start ranting and even sermonizing when I come here. I'm sorry if sound like a jerk sometimes. I wish there was something tangible I could do to help your friend. I don't know the details of her situation so all I can offer is my protracted version of "don't give up." I really do mean it though, don't give up, never give up.

Lee


Posts: 175 | From: Tempe, AZ USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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