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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Support Groups » Relationships

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Author Topic: Relationships
skatergirl
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How many of you guys/girls have cheated/or been cheated on in a serious relationship? And what happened to the relationship, once everything was in the air?
Posts: 30 | From: New York, USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TheneB
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Well if you read around a bit ( and i can tell you have been from your posts ) youd prolly see that i was just little while ago. We had been going out for 1 and 4 months. Long distance. Things are working out alright now. Im still utterly crushed, but atleast in the end she choose me, and the guy is a complete a$% bwt I know we'll be alright. Now im just trying to keep my mind off it as much as possible and think of more pleasent things about her.
Worse part for me was just all the lies, and some other really MESSED up #$(# she did.


Well now that you brought this up im curious on ppls opinion. First off im not trying to assert lvls of blame, just curious.
Do you think liking another girl, being very attracted ( more attracted then to your gf ) to another gf is as bad as cheating? or is it along the same line? I dont think it is. for mainly 2 reasons. One liking someone else and not acting on it, and ACTING on it are completely different. And liking someone else involves a LOT less lies, if any, then prolonged cheating.


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skatergirl
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Well, I don't think I am following you. Were you going out with two girls at once? You called them both GFs or was one an ex? That is kinda important in what I think.
Posts: 30 | From: New York, USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TheneB
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Sorry getting late, and not a lot of sleep last night either. No the one attracted to was not a GF sorry. Actually a girl a met at a canada day party in NC.

I was watching a Chris rock standup the other day, and he was talking about how when your single noone likes you, but as SOON as you get a GF/BF everybody is all over you. Like that girl for instance. Besides my gf now, shes prolly the most attractive girl ive EVER seen, rivaling all those fake ppl on tv too. And she was hitting on me all night. And then when i moved up to canada, ive had a lot of ppl hitting on me. But of course, before i had my gf, almost never. ( well one but she was involved, and i wasn't gonna mess with that )


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skatergirl
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Well I think if you are attracted to this other girl more than your GF you should go for her, it sounds like you like her a lot. Maybe you should experiment to see if you really want to be with your GF. Esp, if you like this girl more.
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TheneB
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Nono. This happened a LONG time ago. I dont care at all about it now, and the one that wasn't my gf turned out to be a bit of a #$(#@ anyway.
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skatergirl
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Well, why did she turn out to be a *****? Did you try to start things with her, if not maybe you should look into it, if you liked her. What was it that makes you say she was a *****? Did you try to start things and she became that way or what?


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TheneB
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argh, no i dont want to start things with her That happened a long time ago, and i love only my gf 100% now.
#($@ just by the way she was with ppl, how she acted around them. How she was with guys.
Just that my GF is trying to say that the two things are the same, and its been coming up a lot lately. I think she expects me to "get her back" for cheating on her.

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skatergirl
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Maybe your GF should worry. I did the same thing to my BF, and I was always worried. How often do you guys talk about what she did, and when you do what are the main points said?
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TheneB
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Well first. I guess i didn't make this clear. It was a small attraction over 1 year and 4 months ago. I have been, and always have been, completely loyal to her, and now dont even "check out" other girls.

Well for awhile it was CLOSE to everyday, not quite tho. Kind of changes a lot. Well she thought she might have gotten pregnent, so we talked aboutthat kind of thing for awhile, but s'ok now. Often its the lies. Then about 6 nights ago she told me WHO it was, so that was the conversation for a long time. Normally i try to stress to her that i want her to do what makes her happy, and that if she wants to remain friends with this person, i wont stop her, and i trust her with them. We really talk about a lot/everything about it so its hard to narrow it down. But ive asked/said most htings i need to, so im not talking about it as much.


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skatergirl
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Well thats good I guess. Talking is the most important thing when something likes this happens, or it was for me. If you think it was meant to be, which it seems like by the way you are writing, then save it before you loose it, but if you think it is a lost cause than don't bother anymore.
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TheneB
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Now im getting mixed signals. She won't talk to me, but is uploading me a bunch of lovish songs. That or they could be viruses j/k.
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skatergirl
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Is that a good thing? I mean what kind exactly are they? Are they making you feel good or not? I don't know what to tell you.
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skatergirl
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TheneB, feel free to email me if you ever would like to talk, or need to talk about anything.............skatergirl419@hotmail.com
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Femalepleaser
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Well i kinda did a bad thing......i got pretty drunk last saturday night and my friend,his gf, and his gf friend was over and we drank and his gf friend and i did some sexual activity and she had a boyfriend and i knew she did to....thing is i still did these things with her.....it was her first time cheating on her boyfriend.....i know how i would feel if i was the boyfriend .....what should i do about this situation? i'm gonna leave it alone for right now but, i would appreciate some of your opinions ...thanx

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If you love what you do you'll never work a day in your life!


Posts: 86 | From: CA, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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1) Don't drink to the point that you're drunk, and don't drink more than a glass of wine or beer socially, in general. otherwise, you are courting disaster. I hope to god you used a condom.

2) Make better choices in the future.


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Femalepleaser
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Miz S. sorry about that reply back there.....i see that it was basically all deleted....no, i didn't have intercourse just physical stimulation to her and kissed that's about it......thanx for reminding me about a condom but, thats already common sense for me.
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Heather
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Well, good.

Now let's let "moderation in all things" become common sense, too.

I love a good round of cocktails or a few glasses of wine as much as anyone else. But unless I'm at home by myself, I never have more than one or two (and to get drunk, I'd have to have about six, which I never do, because I just don't like alchohol for that purpose) out, even with friends, and I know I can control my behaviour. But that's no reason to flirt with disaster.


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glitter695
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Well let me say if my boyfriend EVER cheated on me he would be through the wall, and let me tell ya the girl he cheated with wouldnt have anymore hair!!! I would never think about cheating on my babe, just cuz it happened to me before and it didnt feel very good, I think if the guy/girl doesnt wanna be with you anymore, then he/she should tell you, and be honest, dont go around sneaking behind the back, cuz that makes everything so much worse!!

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*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~
*~*~12/3/99*~*~*


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U2girl
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Cheating hurts whether u are the one whos being cheated on or u are the cheater.. i have been in the cheaters spot.. yes VERY BAD. and i feel VERY guilty. its sometimes hard when ur body is saying one thing and your mind is saying the other.. but if the emotional and physical side of u is with that other person... be honest with ur current bf or gf and tell them straight up. if u keep things inside.. it really just makes EVERYTHING much much worse... believe me i know!

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PEACE


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unhappykoger
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i was cheated on about 3 years ago . it was my sons father. at the time is was really hard. but now i have realized that it was the best thing that could have happened at the time. because now i am married to the most wonderful and most trustworthy person i have ever met. so i am really thankful that i wasnt dumb enough to take him back!
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TheneB
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This brings up another interesting question. Drunkenness ANY excuse? Legally it is ( well not for cheating, but kind o flike pleaing insane, but not quite ) so if your other person said they were, would it make a difference?
To me its a hard call. When im drunk i want to do. . stuff, a LOT more, HOWEVER, letting yourself be completely out of control and your normal self isn't really healthy drinking ( well no drinking is ) and i just dont buy the " i was drunk" excuse. If anything, drunkeness lets a lot of ppl open up and be how they want to be but dont have the nerve normally. So the wants to cheat, imho, would have been there before.
I dunno what do you think? Does" i was drunk" make ANY excuse to you?

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Gumdrop Girl
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in california, being drunk is no longer an excuse. in fact, if a man and a woman have sex drunk, and she wakes up the next day and says she did not consent, then the man is at fault and can be convicted of rape.

imho, the phrase "but i was drunk" is the biggest load of bollocks i have ever heard. i have been drunk. i have been very drunk. and i have had sex whilst drunk (god forbid!). but y'know what? i was still lucid enough to knowingly *consent* to having sex. so when anyone blames anything on being drunk, i don't buy it for a minute.

as for cheating, in my stupider days, i once let a guy *use* me to cheat on his girlfriend. i was feeling pretty low at the time and valued myself about as much as i valued gum on a new pair of shoes. but in retrospect, i realize that i was using my body improperly. i used my sex to harm another person, and that's wrong (according to the 3rd Precept of Buddhism).

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if you get the molasses, i'll set up the trampoline.


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skatergirl
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"Being drunk" is not an excuse, BUT it does make you horny! If my BF cheated on me while he was drunk it would be a little bit easier for me to understand why he did it. I AM NOT SAYING THAT HIM CHEATING WOULD BE OK, I am just saying it would be easier for me to understand.
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TheneB
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Yeah thats how i see it to sk8ergirl.
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lemming
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Being drunk doesn't really, from a physiological standpoint, "make you horny," but it DOES certainly lower your inhibitions and make you more suggestible and open to things you ordinarily might not be comfortable with.

A good reason not to mix alcohol or other drugs and sexual activity, in my opinion.

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~lemming, Scarleteen Advocate

want to know the inner lemming? read her diary at http://innerlemming.diaryland.com/ .


Posts: 3156 | From: Austin, Texas | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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