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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » am I a new virgin?

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Author Topic: am I a new virgin?
Member # 14729

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I read this article in the paper the other day about how if you don't have sex (I think they mean sexual penetration penis-in-vagina) for 6 months, you go back to being a virgin.
They neglected to mention if that includes any other kind of sex.
I'm not sure whether or not I like this new idea. Mostly because I'm not sure whether or not virginity is really so important to me. Also, does being celibate for six months mean you're suddenly innocent again, in a Catholic-guilt-and-redemption sort of way? Why six months?
It was a strange idea and I was wondering if anyone else has ever heard of it before.

i'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees.

Posts: 64 | From: Canada | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 94

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Virginity is pretty much a social term- it means something slightly different to every person that talks about it.

Traditionally, "virgin" means a person (though was used in reference to women more than men) who has engaged in sexual intercourse- that is, the penis has gone into the vagina. This of course is a very limited definition of sex, not taking into account, manual sex, oral sex, anal sex, and of course it's totally heterocentric, not to mention usually sexist in its application. According to this traditional definition, it is not something you can go back from by being celibate for any period of time.

In terms of how different religious traditions view virginity, you'd really have to consult the religious leaders of those traditions. I'm not sure what Catholics would say, but I know that many Christian groups believe that it is possible to have a "second virginity" after converting to that religious tradition- but they all differ, and I don't know what the view is of any non-Christian traditions. They also have different views on what constitutes sex- some define it as intercourse, while others define passionate kissing as a sexual activity. Many churches also say that a rape has no affect on a person's virginity.

Personally, I don't like the idea of virginity. As we can see from a quick look at the concept, it's not a well defined term, and to me, the concept it devalues sex, because it makes the "first time" seem like something precious to be held up on a pedastal- implying that any sex after that can never have the same value.

Miz Scarlet also wrote us an excellent article on this topic, going into they way in which "virginity" has been used as a means of oppression in the past:
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides

Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kara Zor-El
Member # 14499

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Magical Cups & Bloody Brides is a really cool article, definitely. I also started a thread a while back --

Being a lesbian, I wonder how, if at all, the concept of virginity relates to my life. I don't consider myself a virgin since I've had sex with girls and I'm never going to lose my virginity in the "traditional" way because I have no interest in men. I have a lot of friends who are obsessed with their virginity, though, so I end up having to talk about it a lot.

Honestly, this article you read sounds pretty silly. Does this mean my grandmother is suddenly a virgin again?

I like what Beppie said about considering your first time to be some transcendent experience. I keep trying to tell my friends that their first sexual experience is potentially going to be disappointing. My first time was awkward and hilarious -- I didn't have an orgasm -- and this was with another girl, mind you. We're supposed to know how each other's bodies work! But we're conditioned to build up this whole thing in our minds about losing our virginity and we make it such a big deal. All we end up doing is psyching ourselves out and not having much fun. I've had extremely satisfying (and yes, occasionally transcendent) sex since that first time -- and thank the Goddess that losing one's virginity is not the pinnacle of sexual pleasure.

[This message has been edited by Kara Zor-El (edited 09-15-2003).]

Posts: 123 | From: New York City | Registered: Aug 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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