posted
Okay heres my question.. im 18 years old.. theres a guy interested in me whos in his late 20's... my question is .. does age really matter... whats your honest opinions on this?
Posts: 59 | From: Toronto/Ont/Canada | Registered: May 2001
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posted
I honestly don't think it does...within limits that is. I don't think a 13 year with a 20 year old is right. People at those ages are at a much different place in their lives.
I think it's okie for large(meaning 7-whenever)age difference once you hit 18 or so, and you feel like you are ready.
posted
Age per se doesn't always matter, but maturity does, and so does your stage in life. For example, partner A is still in college, while partner B has been out of college for several years. A is worried about grades, about getting to class on time, and thinks the party at the Alpha Beta house on Friday sounds like a good time. B is worried about getting a promotion, about getting to work on time, and feels obligated to attend the company picnic next Friday. B is starting to feel that old "biological clock" ticking and wants to have kids pretty soon, while A is in no hurry to be tied down with children.
See what I mean? Now I'm not saying this is always the case. Sometimes people of different ages can be at about the same life stage, and sometimes love (and some good relationship communication!) conquers all and through compromise and understanding they work through their differences. Still, it is definitely something to consider if you're thinking about entering a relationship with a significant age and/or life stage difference. These relationships can work (and I've seen it happen!), but going in with your eyes open is always a good thing.
posted
I agree with everything Lady Moonlight has said, and I would like to add a few points:
Age does not matter in a relationship, but it can contribute to many things in a relationship, as with age (in general) come many things such as experience, maturity, responsabilities, etc.
So, in theory, age shouldn't matter, as long as both parties know eachother and like eachother for what they know the other to be like.
But although usually a couple that has a significant age gap between them knows all that, it is important to keep everything that has been said in mind, especially during tougher times. It can be an easy excuse to say "I'm too young to know that", or "I've gone through that too long ago and I can't be bothered to live it all again"... just examples that came to my mind now.
So, as long as the 2 people involved know what they want, like eachother, and do not have a prejudiced view on the matter, it should be as okay as any other kind of relationship, provided respect and understanding are always present to keep the relationship balanced and healthy.
posted
okay so now that u guys think that it is okay.. i mean i know im a fairly mature person and all.. but do u think society even accepts these kinds of relationships? i mean i know from my own experience from seeing friends and people i know do it.. that other people totally look down on it.
Posts: 59 | From: Toronto/Ont/Canada | Registered: May 2001
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posted
This is just one of those situations where *you* need to decide what's good for you, and not let "society" influence that. Since "society" is not the one dating your boyfriend, they don't have anything to say about it.
I'm more worried about this:
quote:theres a guy interested in me whos in his late 20's...
Are you interested in him? Or is this a more one-sided deal?
And I think Sallynha and Lady Moonlight both brought up some very good points about handling relationships with age differences.
------------------ ~lemming, Scarleteen Advocate
want to know the inner lemming? read her diary at http://innerlemming.diaryland.com. "Aiyiyi, I'm your little butterfly/Green, black, and blue make the colors in the sky..." --Smile.DK, "Butterfly"
posted
Age is only how old your body is. The three guys I have been interested in have been of varying ages. The first one was the same age as I and he had the mentality of a three year old. The second one was two and a half years older, though half the time it sounded liek he was ten years older. My Love now is two years younger and he is on the same level I am. It all depends on how fast a person matures.
As for society, I am of the opinon that it doesn't matter what others think as long as it makes you happen. To each thier own, I always say.
------------------ It took so long to remember just what happened. I was so young and vestal then.
posted
well see thats what i needed to figure out.. if its even right for me to have feelings for someone so much older than I.. because i think i do.. and I'm not to sure if it's even appropriate.
Posts: 59 | From: Toronto/Ont/Canada | Registered: May 2001
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posted
I've found it's helpful in these sorts of situations to start with the person first. Think about how you feel about who they are, not how old they are, unless you really feel uncomfy about their age, in which case, it probably ISN'T right for you. if you can't see a person past and age, or race or gender, it simply isn't going to be a good situation for you because that issue will always dominate your relationship.
But it does very much depend on the commonality of life experiences and personality in my experience. When I was in my early twenties, my partner was 16 years older than I was, and we had more in common than another partner I had in my late twenties who was a few years younger than I was. And lo and behold, I ended up married to someone almost exactly my age to the year. And in none of those cases would I say that age-in-years was what determined what was good or ill about the relationship.
However, I also am someone who is largely unaffected by what others think of my relationships -- were that not the case (and there isn't anything wrong with being affected by the opinions of others), age would have been a far larger issue in my life, as race and gender likely might have been too.
------------------ Heather Corinna Editor and Founder, Scarleteen
My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground." -- Kay Bailey Hutchinson
Posts: 63428 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
My partner's almost four years older than me. It's not usually a big deal, but in some ways it can cause difficulties. I mean, it's a good thing that I'm familiar with things that could be a bit before my time, or at least open to learning about them, because age difference can really affect common interests. Does that make much sense? I mean, the music you gre up listening to, things you love, and the culture you were exposed to is going to be different, and that can feel rather isolating sometimes when he's talking about Motley Crue and ColecoVisions with his friends, and you're not understanding too much, or knowing what to say.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000
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