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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Ethics and Politics » Are you not "ready" for sex until you hit 18? (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Are you not "ready" for sex until you hit 18?
Heather
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Thought I'd share.

Now and then, I get some pretty naty hate mail.

But the other night, I got one that not only informed me that I was a "menace who needed to be stopped from poisoning children" (nice, eh? Welcome to my mailbox.) but the writer also asked me this:

"Where do you get the idea that teens even have the right to have sex?"

Yikes. And she wasn't just talking about intercourse, either.

Do you feel that it's fair for an adult, or even a set of laws, to decide that all of you are ready for sex at 18 regardless of your own personal readiness?

Do you get this message a lot? How does it make you feel? Do you think it empowers you to make good choices and helps you wait until you;re ready, or do you feel that it disempowers you to even MAKE your own choices?

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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LilBlueSmurf
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Oy vey ... Not very nice

As most of you know, I just recently lost my virginity, back in October (that's recent to me). I was 16 at the time (and i'm now 17).

I don't think it's fair to put an age limit on it. Everyone matures at different speeds and at different ages in their lifetime. I started menstruating at 12, so that makes me physically ready ... Now we've gotta take care of mentally and emotionally. I was all of the above and I don't regret it.

However, I do think that the physical aspect has to be the first to come. It usually is. You can't be comfortable w/ such an act until you've started to grow into a mature adult (usually meaning menstruation for women). The other two will fall into place in time.

(This, of course, is saying that one does have the ability to menstruate. If not, then i guess you'll have to move along w/o the physical aspect of it all ... )


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glitter695
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Oh no, Im sorry...
I think that *kids* are going to do what they want no matter what anybody says. My mom told me after she found out I had sex, "why couldnt you wait until you were 18?"

What is so big about that number. That exactly what it is, a number. People mature at different ages. I think that us *kids* have the right to choose if we want to have sex, but only if we are ready and can accept the conequences. Some people dont think before they have sex and thats what gets them in trouble. If us children under 18 thought about it, maybe they would put it off until they could handle it. We also have to explore ourselves. I dont just mean with oral sex and with our partners, but with ourselves.

I dont think that people have the right to e-mail you and harrass you, at least you are teaching us the rights and wrongs, and to have safe sex. After coming to this website, us *kiddies* will be prepared for the world of sex.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*


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Bobolink
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This is always an awkward problem. Some people are physically and emotionaly mature enough to have sex at 12. Then again, I've known 40-year olds who were highly irresponsible.

So we can't really decide based on age. However, is there a necessity for an "age of consent"?In Ontario, the age is 16, in the other 9 provinces it is 14. Should we draw a bar at a particular age?

If we try to place a bar based on intellectual, emotional, and financial competance, how could it be enforced?

BTW, I mention financial competence based on Miz Scarlet's sexual readiness test which does have a financial component.

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"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."

- Adlai Stevenson

[This message has been edited by Bobolink (edited 04-06-2001).]


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Sweet Girl
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I completly disagree with the that law saying teens should be 18 before they have sex. I personally think it every individual's choice, they know if they're ready or not, they don't need someone to tell us when they think we're ready to have sex. It's a personal choice that everyone needs to make for themselves. I'm still a virgin and I know that I'm not ready yet, emotionaly or mentally. Before I ever lose my virginity I need to completly sure that I'm ready to make a decsion that could forever change my life, like pregnancy, life-threatning dieases like HIV, for which there is no cure.
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towel42
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People sometimes forget that many many years ago, girls were married off at young ages (I'm talking 13, 14), and at that time, it was perfectly normal. Society tends to dictate what's ethical when it comes to sexuality. I wonder what it is, exactly, that makes sex such a taboo? I could go off on a thousand weird Freudian allegorical things at this point, but I won't.

I think the other posters have made the point pretty well. Age, I don't believe, isn't what dictates whether a person is ready for sex. It's not like, at the moment you turn 18, you suddenly get hit with a wave of clarity and maturity and go "I'm ready now!". I've known some 16 year olds that were far more mature and equipped to handle the responsibility of sex than some 20 year olds. It all depends on the person.

I think if a person is ready, physically and emotionally, to accept all the after-effects of sex, and knows how to stay safe, they have every right to participate in consensual sex.

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...an angel who didn't so much fall as saunter vaguely downward...


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Laughs_Wisely
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I was discussing this the other day with a friend, actually. I am still waiting to hit that magical age where I suddenly DO know everything that is right and wrong and why those things are what they are...

I frequently advocate waiting until your really, really sure about anything before doing it. This philosophy applies to everything, I've found. It takes serious thought to make this sort of decision, and it should be taken as such. I do not believe it takes achieving a specific age, but more a level of maturity overall (including physical, good point guys) to make these sorts of potentially life-changing decisions.

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"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." (Rebecca West)


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Beppie
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I think that the question of 'do teenagers have the right to have sex' is an interesting one- but the question should be 'do people have the right to have sex?' Teenagers aren't non humans by any stretch of the imagination, and as such they are included in the question.

I think that people have the right to have sex as soon as they are responsible enough to do so, which basically means that they have covered everything in the Scarleteen First Intercourse Primer. Of course, there's more to sex than intercourse, but much of what's in there applies to other types of sex too- for instance, STD testing, condom usage, communication with partner, health care, contingency plans.


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Gaffer
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I definitely agree that everyone matures at their own pace, but I wonder how effective that law really is. It sounds as if it isn't doing what it is supposed to do, and I wonder why it is supposed to do what it isn't doing in the first place. Perhaps that has to do with its ineffectuality.
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BJadeT
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You don't change overnight, whether it's the night of your 16th birthday or your 18th or any other day of the year. Someone who doesn't know you personally deciding when you are ready is just wrong. If it really does help you not do it before you have the 'right', how do you explain the fact that different countries have differnt ages of consent. Do all people in Britain really become 'ready' 2 years before all people in America???NOOOO. Putting a law on it creates so many more problems than it solves. 16 year olds here often do feel pressurised to have sex because NOW they're 16 and even the law says they 'should' be having sex. That can't be good. people who are 'underage' don't feel able to go to the doctors about their sexual health or even buy contraception for fear of someone reporting them. It's soooo wrong. Grrr
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Lin
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I do get confused at this topic because for every person I know who had sex before he/she was 18 responsibly, I know another 5 who had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

Does age play a part in this? Maybe. I wouldn't like to say that the law should be abolished or that 18 is too old or that hey, 50 year olds can have irresponsible sex because it is the majority that the government has to look after.

I waited until I was 16 to have sex even though I felt that I was ready, but I now realise I was not and it wasn't such a big deal.

But I believe such laws should go hand in hand with sex education classes. Proper ones not just the ones of the "Don't have Sex" variety.

I used to argue alot against such laws when I was younger like why must I be 21 to watch an R rated movie? But I guess I realise over time that damn, not everybody is like me and I wouldn't want these people watching certain movies when they are 17 or 18. Same as sex.

I don't think I'm making sense anymore.


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loveable me
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Children are very curious about their bodies and others from a very early age. They are also very curious about nature. Why is there any difference? How old "should" a person be before they can spend a night with their friends in the forest? I was in a tent camping at 14-15 when i first had a boy inside me. Both were fun and seemed perfectly natural.
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$uMMeR
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This really should be debate material *duh*.

The fact is, as well as being physically prepared for sex, you really should be emotionally prepared too. Counsellors argue that this is so, and many people do seem to support the idea.

So you might be menstruating at 9 years old, like some people actually do - but in today's society, a 9-year-old having sex is considered stupid, sick, and immature.

Basically, everyone feels it's wrong because the 9-year-old wouldn't be prepared emotionally for it; thus laws are made about the age you should have sex, and these laws are based on the age they feel most people are ready for sex at.

Teenagers aren't necessarily trusted because they are viewed as going through years where they suffer from a lot of insecurities, and need to discover oneself a bit better.

Unfortunately, laws such as these don't really seem to work (in my opinion anyway).

quote:
Putting a law on it creates so many more problems than it solves

I think BJadeT is right about this. There is an increase of STD's in young adults. I wonder how many of them are underage, and scared to ask for protection?

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Heather
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Remember too that sex isn't intercourse.

Sex can be oral sex, it can be masturbation, it can be petting, or even just snuggling, depending on whatever an individual finds sexually fulfilling for themselves.


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DC_WillowFan
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What a number ? I mean couldn't we have chosen something else ? Let's try a random and see what it says. 27.

Well, I tried my best for that one.

Anyways, I mean, I'll be 18 in 3 weeks (May 4th) and I guess that I'll feel the same the day before than the exact day. To say, that there's no age to be ready. It's always different for everyone. People can't decide when "we" are ready to have sex. I haven't even kissed a girl in my life and I don't consider it sex but some people do (never really seen why, maybe because one thing lead to the other but...).

BTW, Bobolink, I think here in Quebec it's now 16 and no longer 14 like you said.

And again, LilBlueSmurf is the first to reply. How amazed by that, I can't believe how she does that.

David

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- I hope I shall be able to confide in you conpletely, as I have never been able to do in anyone before, and I hope that you will be a great support and comfort to me.

Anne Frank to her journal
(1929-1945)


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LilBlueSmurf
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Hmm ... I'm not sure about that age thing. I thought for all of Canada that it was 14 (or maybe i'm wrong ... ?? But lookie here www.ageofconsent.com)

I agree tho. You can't just wake up one day and decide "hey, i'm 18, so that means i'm ready to do the horizontal mombo!!" No, you're not. And hey, if someone thinks they're ready at 13 and they've got proper measures taken care of, grrrreat. Regret is a very very bad thing to have to deal w/ after the fact tho. It's not something you can take back.

David ~ I dunno how i do it. Magic


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Lee
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To answer the woman who asked where teens get the right to have sex, they don't get it from anywhere, it is an inherent part of being a free person.

Freedom is not something you are given. It is something that you yourself create. Freedom is power, the power to choose who and what you will be as well as what you will do. Freedom is itself a choice, the choice to be soverign unto yourself and not live at the whim of another. It is the most precious thing any of us have and the first thing that other people will try to take away. There are two main methods used to try and do this. The first is to use force or power to overwhelm your ability to defend your freedom. The second is for the person to try and trick you into believing that you're not really free and that you are somehow answerable to them. Most people don't have the ability to overwhelm by force, leaving them with only the second option. The idea that the thoughts, beliefs and opinions of others have some kind of inherent importance plays into this. Truths matter whether anyone agrees with them or not, but opinions matter only as much as the person who holds them can do something about them.

People like this woman will try and convince us that we don't have the right to decide if, when and with whom we will have sex. But the key is that it will only be true if we agree with her, if we surrender the power and therefore the right to make that choice for ourselves. She only has as much power as we give her. Lets be smart and not give her any. Instead lets give her the finger.

Lee


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lemming
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"Where do you get the idea that teens even have the right to have sex?"

This is my mother, on crack.
My mother's mantra is "I'm an adult, so I can do whatever I want." This was her stock answer for why she could do things that I couldn't while I was in the house. And I'd ask, "So when do I get to (spend money irresponsibly, eat my dessert first, sleep over at the Timming's house)?"

"When you're an adult." And she'd never specify when that age was. As if when I turned 16, or 18, or 21 I would suddenly have all the knowledge I needed to deal with the real world.

Well, something I've learned is that you DON'T acquire that knowledge by turning a certain age. I grew up thinking in the back of my mind that when I had to open a bank account or write a check or pump gas I would just KNOW how to do it--and I moved out, and I was clueless. Age doesn't bring knowledge, and that's what's wrong with setting ages on anything at all.

>>Yikes. And she wasn't just talking about intercourse, either.

And that's the scary thing. You know, this is my body we're talking about. This is YOUR body we're talking about. Don't you like to think that you have some say over what goes on with your body? I was ready for sex at 16, and I knew it. I thought about it. I wasn't incredibly well-informed, but, you know, I did okay. And it would have been much more traumatizing to have been told that I was NOT going to have sex till I was 18 than to simply go about it myself. But secrets hurt.

>>Do you feel that it's fair for an adult, or even a set of laws, to decide that all of you are ready for sex at 18 regardless of your own personal readiness?

No. Some people are ready at 14. Some people aren't ready at 40. Some people may never be prepared to have sex with another person, in my opinion. An age is NO RELIABLE INDICATION of readiness for sex. It's just one aspect.

>>Do you get this message a lot? How does it make you feel? Do you think it empowers you to make good choices and helps you wait until you;re ready, or do you feel that it disempowers you to even MAKE your own choices?

The latter. It has always made me feel powerless. You can't do anything about your age. You can have the best damn resume in the world, have written monthlies for the New Yorker, and be fifteen and the Tribune might not hire you. No matter what you learn or what you do, you cannot change your age. So by putting an age requirement on something so basically human as sex, you're disempowering someone from their own body.

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~lemming, Scarleteen Advocate

want to know the inner lemming? read her diary at http://innerlemming.diaryland.com/.
"Is love like the sweet, bitter taste of marmalade on burnt toast?"


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Moth
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Miz Scarlet says: "Now and then, I get some pretty naty hate mail."

Eck, I can sympathize with that. Seems there are some people who can't deal with a differing of opinion any other way than to get vicious over it . . .

"Do you get this message a lot? How does it make you feel? Do you think it empowers you to make good choices and helps you wait until you;re ready, or do you feel that it disempowers you to even MAKE your own choices?"

I am sexually active with my boyfriend of more than a year. We love and trust each other very much. We discussed every step thoroughly before going ahead, to make sure that there would be no regrets (there were none). We were extremely finicky about birth control and other safety measures. All in all, it is one o the most satisfying parts of my life.

My parents, however, do not know about this. My father, in so many words, called me a slut for "shacking up" with this boy at all hours (he assumed we were having sex because we hang out so much). My mother has told me that she does not want me "drawn into the trap of sex". She has condemned couples living together in college because "you can't understand love at that age". I tried to explain that I knew I'd be responsible about sex; I was that sort of person. She told me that I didn't understand sex. That teenagers "don't know how to control themselves" when they're passionate. My father wants to limit the time I spend with my boyfriend (it's a LDR. We spend an hour or so every day chatting on the 'net, plus visits as often as possible) because I'm "wasting my life staring into his eyes all day". They've threatened to keep me from him physically (since I am a minor without a credit card, I cannot book my own plane fares; they control this. They have also threatened to remove my computer.)

Yes, it hurts. In so many other ways my parents are reasonable (well, they tend toward the snide about my religious beliefs, but that's another story), but in general they're wonderful people, and I can discuss anything with them. In this one aspect of my life, however, I feel so cut off from them. I wish I could communicate with them. I wish their prejudices weren't so strong. I wish my mother was there to discuss with me all my feelings about my sexuality. Empowers me? How could it? It makes me feel frozen and hurt; guilty for pursuing something that in no way is wrong or sick. It alienates me from my parents, and creates the only- the only negative aspect to my sex life.

I know, though, that I am VERY lucky overall. My boyfriend is a wonderful person who is always open to discussion about this or any other subject. I know if he wasn't as supportive, my feelings about this entire issue would be drastically changed. I guess if I had to state a universal stance, it would be this: that no one can tell you what is in your heart, minor or not. Telling someone that they are wrong is never empowering. And the best form of sex ed is open discussion of the options, with an emphasis on safety, and self-esteem.

I'm sorry this was such a long post, but it really hit a nerve in me. Thanks for listening.

-Moth


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ViCeVeRsA
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to some extent i dont think its fair to put an age limit on it. i mean i dont really think 12 year olds should be able to go out and have sex although like you said, some of them could be ready. i also dont understand how the laws in some places are your not allowed sex under the age of 14 and others are the age of 16. whats the difference? its not fair. im from UK and the law is 16. im 13 almost 14 and dont think im emotionally ready yet but i started my periods at the age of 11½ and im very mature. i dont think its right to put an age limit on it really, i think its up to the 2 people and if they're ready or not. i spose theres a law there to stop people just going out and doing it and teenage pregnacies and stuff but people ignore the laws and go out and do it anyway...
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Aphrodite
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If you ask me the real ready is when youve found someone who you can love and trust and know that even if you get pregnant it wont matter because youve planned for it. what i am talking about ladies is marriage. the binding of one gentleman to a lady. A trust in which the father cant get away by saying "gee.. sorry hun, you were really good but i gotta go" and you never see him again. Some people say why marriage, but i say, why not?! its a way for him to prove to you that he really cares about you, and visa versa.
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Laughs_Wisely
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Aphrodite: Um...not all of us have guys, and not all of us will be able to marry our partners. I don't think it's remotely fair to those of us who won't get that opportunity to say 'wait until marriage'. It's kind of like dangling a treat in front of someone's face, then yanking it away and locking it up. Reality is that having sex shouldn't be an age, gender, marital status or orientation based issue, it should be a maturity issue. And if someone comes up with a way to measure and legislate that, I will be very impressed.
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Heather
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Laughs Wisely basically said what I would have very well.

Do also remember that the western notion of marriage is a very limited thing, and does not enter into all cultures, eras and communities, nor is it appplicable to all people. Too, not everyone WANTS to have children, nor can everyone get married nor are all men and women heterosexual. Not all couples wish to be monogamous.

At Scarleteen, this is a non-issue because we recognize MANY diverse orientations, relationship models, sexual identities, choices, cultures and types of partnership.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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Lucky1402
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Personally, I'm not ready to have sex yet. And that's fine, but I don't think somebody should have the right to define whether or not another person is ready for sex. Who's to say that a teenager can't be ready? That's their own personal choice, no one should be able to say that they shouldn't have the right to have sex. Since when did having sex become a right? Everybody has different levels of physical and emotional maturity and their own beliefs and should have the right to decide their own actions.

Actually, I find something like saying "teenagers shouldn't have the right to have sex" or enforcing age laws to be a little offensive- it makes it seem like teenagers can't make their own decisions or are not in the right state of mind or something. We're perfectly capable of thinking for ourselves, whether we make the right decisions or the wrong ones, they're still our choices.

Who's to say that a 15 year old or a 16 year old are less mature than an 18 year old? I know some people over the age of 18 who are not emotionally ready for sex even. Since everybody matures at a different rate, I find it completely possible for a teenager to be emotionally and physically ready for sex, and capable of making their own choices.

------------------
*^Lucky^*
Come check out what's goin on in Lucky's mind!

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Heather
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Very well spoken, Lucky.


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momma cat
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Also, regarding marriage: even that is no guarantee that the guy won't up and leave ya. Divorce rate is 50%. And I never want to have children, so if I got pregnant at 45 after being in the world's most perfect marriage for 20 years that would still be really traumatic for me.
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Duff
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It's totally insane for some one else to decided what you may or may not be ready for! God i hate it so much, and also age means not too much these days, people mature physically and mentally at different paces and this has so much to do with everything, but it's my own resbonsibility to figure out what i am or are not ready for. My mom thinks that i may not be ready to be very emotionally involved, as do the parents of my boyfriend. But all of these people know little about our relationships, and our minds, and our lives, our situations. All they know is what they see, and what we chose to share with them, but no matter what they will never truly understand our dynamic, one thing they do see is that we are both very happy. so why isn't that good enough for them?? I don't know where people feel THEY have the right to decide my life, BUT I DON'T have the right to empower myself through knowledge, and expand my life with a love that is healthy for me?
Posts: 162 | From: NYC | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lee
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Most of the posts here seem to be about how society bases so much on age, when in fact age is not a very good yardstick of maturity or responsibility.

All I can say is, who cares what society thinks?

The older I get, and I'm a long in the tooth 19 year old , the more I realize just how suckered most people are by social conditioning. We're taught from a young age that fitting in with the rules and restrictions that society sets for us is important, that those rules and restrictions are inherently valid or have some kind of innate power over us. The fact that most people buy into this and go along with it is what allows age restrictions to exist in the first place.

So the next time you feel upset because the system treats you as less than others simply because you are younger than others, just remember that while you don't have any choice about whether you are going to be treated that way, you do have a choice as to whether you are going to agree with it and how you are going to respond to it.

I'm going to stop now before I start ranting.
Lee, the opinionated $#@ who thinks he knows everything


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silver snatch
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When I look at the words of a person such as the one who wrote to scarleteen, I see someone eager to deny the sexual nature of all human beings and to restrain teenagers', specifically girls', sexuality. In this patriarchal society, while boys are expected to use a certain amount of discretion in sexual affairs, the burden of purity lies on girls. While boys may "sow their wild oats" girls bear the burden of maintaining the family honor (by not sleeping around or getting pregnant). While 'boys will be boys,' because of age-old conceptions of women as the property of first their fathers and then their husbands, any kind of potentially-empowering sexuality education is denounced as promoting immoral behavior——even when all it may promote is the formation of a confident sexual identity.

I feel sorry for that woman; her sexuality was probably rigorously controlled as a teenager. But I feel more sorry for any daughters she has.


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Cate
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I know this is an old subject but i'll post my reply anyways.
I don't think that there should be a law on how old you are before you have sex. All people mature differently. People can be ready to have sex at 15. I am 15 and I know I am not ready for sex. Even if they are ready for sex, i don't think 11,12,13 years old should have sex. ok sorry i am getting very confusing so i'll just end here!

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Cate!


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Sapphire85
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Moth.. I am identifying with your situation totally. My family sounds exactly like yours, and I think we're in the same place. What frustrates me is that my parents try to repress me so much. It used to be things like going to the mall, but now that thats gone, my apparently existing sexuality has become a huge issue in my house. I have been with my boyfriend for a year, and although we have not yet, we do plan on in the future. My parents would probably disown me if they found out anything we've done- seriously, my mom has grown acostomed (sp?) to saying "she's not MY daughter." I'm not allowed over my boyfriend's house because my dad says that we'll "do nasty things." His mother is always there, and sure we hook up, but we wouldn't have sex. My dad always calls me a slut (not outright, but in subtler ways) and my mom keeps giving me the "you're too young, you have no idea what you're doing" talk. I don't know what really to do.. I just kind of nod my head when they start on their sermons. I've been trying to figure out for a while why parents (mine at least) think that they are some omnipotent people and that thier children know nothing. I think that sex, rather than placing an age limit on it, should be an issue discussed by parents and kids throughout a child's entire life, so that when it comes up, wheter they are 15 or 25, they will realize for themselves that they're ready. Also though, I think that people of ages 11, 12, 13 are seemingly too young to handle intercourse (judging by the 11, 12, 13 year olds I have known), but also that some 18 and 19 year olds are much too immature. So I guess, going back to what almost everybody else says- it's gotta be a personal decision.
And yes, Miz Scarlet, in my house, I get the "you're much, much too young" "your body is bad bad bad!!" message all the time.
:-) Oh well, I suppose I'll have to laugh about it for now, because in almost two years I won't have to deal anymore.

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"Those who don't got it, can't show it. And those who got it, can't hide it."


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Lisa D
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One important aspect to consider is financial responsability.

while a 15-16 year old might be "mentally/spiritually" ready for sex, and, goddess forbid, an unplanned pregnancy or STD, it is quite unlikely that they are financially ready for all the extras just to *HAVE* sex, let alone if a pregnancy or STD would occur. while some kids strike out on their own at an early age, that is the exception, not the norm - most kids still have financial ties to their parents well into college, not just until the magical "18th birthday."

While I am not a parent, I am at the age that I'm considering my options - I'm engaged, and I'll be over thirty when I'm married. After hashing everything over in my mind, and considering what I know, how I behaved sexually at a young age, and reading what many posters at this very site have said, i could not condone any child of mine having sexual intercourse until they are 18...why? For a couple of reasons:

first and foremost, if my 15 year old gets pregnant, ultimately, i am financially responsible not only for her, but for her new baby, as well. And yes, i hear cries of "but i could find a job!" and yes, one probably could, but not one making what it takes to rear a child. Life is incredibly expensive, and until you've *REALLY* been out on your own, and paid all of your bills, that's hard to understand. Major budget crunches happen at the most inconvenient times - heck, most people are complaining (me included) that they have to find money that will cover their increased gas costs (my monthly bill went from $56 to $169! Quite frankly, iI would prefer not having a teenaged child decide what I will be doing with all of my extra money for the next few years. When young adults make choices about their future, they forget that their parents might actually have to take the brunt of the responsibility for those choices...That might be a hard pill for most teenagers to shallow, but they have to realize that what they consider a huge mistake might actually be major thing for their parents, as well.

Also, and this is a personal opinion more than anything else, I think that it is better to err on the side of caution, and wait until you are legally an adult to take on the responsibility of sex. Age of consent aside, waiting is never a bad thing - it will always be there, and it will allow young adults to develop without the intense emotional complications of sex...

Does that mean I wouldn't teach my kids about birth control, take them to purchase it if needed, or discuss sexual issues with them? no, of course not. Openness is key to a healthy relationship, and it would be amazingly stupid to assume that just because I don't condone it, that they would follow my wishes. however, I would make it very clear to them that this is something i would prefer them to do as an adult, not as someone who is ultimately my responsibility under the law. I respected my parents quite a bit, even when we didn't agree on such things - while I knew that it was ultimately my decision, knowing that they were against it did carry some weight.

Oh, and yes, i did wait until I was eighteen, and I'm glad I did. For me, I liked having the time to explore relationships without the intense emotions of intercourse, which was my cultural definition of virginity. I had plenty of manual and oral experience until them (safely, so they wasn't any risk of pregnancy) which was perfectly fine, and honestly, it was more enjoyable than intercourse was the first few times.


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Touchstone
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I do nto think that there should be a law for age limits on sex. A 12 year old girl or boy could be just as, more or less ready to have sex as a 40 year old man or woman.
I suppose when one is ready to have sex is rather like puberty, we do not all go through it at the same time.

Now is the person who emailed you this refering only to intercourse? Or refering to oral sex and masturbation as well? I first masturbated when i was 12, and I think masturbation is a healthy part of growing up.

If there were to be a law against haveing sex before a certain age ( is there btw?) i would think the best way to go about doiing that (though i would be against it) would be to need parental consent, this would most likely ensure that you would have a family member to talk to about sex, wich is on the sex readiness checklist.

-Touchstone


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Gumdrop Girl
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in a more perfect world, people would need to take a test to earn a license before earning the right to engage in sexual activity. i figure sex is just as dangerous as driving a car; the only difference is the need for petrol.

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The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that the universe is constantly moving to a state of greater entropy s, therefore, delta s is always greater than zero.


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Moth
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quote:
Originally posted by Sapphire85:
I'm not allowed over my boyfriend's house because my dad says that we'll "do nasty things." His mother is always there, and sure we hook up, but we wouldn't have sex. My dad always calls me a slut (not outright, but in subtler ways) and my mom keeps giving me the "you're too young, you have no idea what you're doing" talk. I don't know what really to do.. I just kind of nod my head when they start on their sermons.

Oh, how I identify. <g> Heh . . . I wonder what the best strategy for dealing with discrimination like this is?


Posts: 72 | From: NY, USA | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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