I've been reading a lot of magazines lately, and it seems that all of them feature some sort of article on "the virgin revolution", this supposedly amazing new trend of waiting 'till marriage. If you read the magazines, they usually say something about a decline in the percentage of teenagers having sex and saying this is because of famous role models such as Britney Spears.

It leaves me to wonder whether or not there really IS a dramatic decline in the number of sexually active teens. And to be honest, as a sexually active teen, I think that this new trend is making an old prejudice (sex=bad) a little stronger, and I almost think that a nice, safe sexual revolution is needed to counter act this.

While I think the idea of waiting until you're ready is wonderful, and it should be stressed in our rather sex crazed society, I do see a few problems with the way the entire idea is being presented. First of all, how do we define virginity? Is it abstaining from all sexual contact (as in no kissing, no hand holding, etc.)? Or is it just penis-vagina contact? Where do things like oral and manual sex figure into the picture? So can you do everything except penis-vagina intercourse and still be a virgin?

Which then brings up the issue of protection. So many times, these individuals who are 'waiting' are having other types of sexual intercourse and they're doing it with no protection. By simply saying, "Don't, don't, don't..." and not making any specifications or giving people the information to protect themselves....well that's just playing with fire. I'll be the first one to admit that it had never occured to me to use dental dams or latex gloves before I found this site. And while I haven't been involved in a situation where I would have needed that knowledge, alot of other people have been.

I think that if the attitude of this "revolution" (or whatever you want to call it) is that you need to wait until you're ready, then it's a positive thing. But it's also quite possible to bring back the streotypes with it...but that's assuming alot about your definations of "sexually active", and "virginity".

~KittenGoddess

But really, while I think that it is GREAT that people want to wait, I think a traditional belief is that people who wait for marriage are better than people who become sexually active at younger ages. I was watching... I think, Montel Williams, one day. About teenage sex. And this one girl who was waiting said that if her husband to be was not a virgin, she would have to forgive him.

Forgive him for what???

I think it is important to keep reminding people that if people have sex in a safe, responsible way, there is nothing wrong with that. I think we deserve a role model, too!

and yes, i AM back...

While I now understand that I wasn't fully prepared for the consequences of sex when I was engaging in it, it is not something that I will look back and regret.

Although I fervently wish that I knew of Scarleteen when I was deciding whether or not to have sex.

I think sex education is so important. And not just the basic "use a condom" message. But like Scarleteen's Readiness Checklist. Now that is one very important article everybody should read. Whether you are a virgin or not.

I'm sexually active. I never wanted to wait until i was married b/c, for one, I don't believe in marriage. It's just who i am. I'd rather be in a strong relationship than go through the whole marriage thing. Not that there's anything wrong w/ it ... It's just not me.

I'm also not religious, at all. I'm stuck somewhere b/w wiccan and buddhism and atheism. You have to keep in mind that morals and religion sometimes go hand in hand. My mom is anglican (protestant), but she never insisted i wait until marriage. My dad is atheist, and he would just rather that i never had sex lol My parents were able to seperate morals and religion, knowing my feelings on it all. And they didn't force it on me.

We defineatly need a role model!! You here all the time about virgin famous peoples and why they're all good and how they could've had sex, but waited. So? That's their choice. Not mine. And not a lot of other peoples and that doesn't make them wrong for doing something they believe in. The checklist here is excellent, and i wish i had it when I first became sexually active. I wasn't ready at the time, but now i know i am.

Show me someone who does things for someone OTHER than themselves, show me someone who has nothing to gain (popularity or mass acceptance) by maing those choices and who really IS making them for themselves, not just to please others or get public props, show me someone who is truly proactive and doing something exceptional and strong and brave REGARDLESS of what anyone else thinks about it, and then I'll show you a role model.

(And FIF, please watch your tone, and let's try and avoid extrapolating things about anyone's sex life who we don't know personally, or making judgements about people based on their sexual choices, or what we imagine them to be, whether they are a neighbor or a celebrity.)

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

still, a lot of the press that covers the so-called "virginity movement" (Spin Mag, I'm staring in your direction!) casts a sort of subtext that labels those who opt to not engage in sexual activity as "unusual." What is so unusual about it? If they feel there is no reason for them to be having sex, then there's no real reason to be having sex. That seems pretty logical to me.

Still, I'm not in all of this. Yeah, I have sex. Big whoopie doo there! On the other side of things, at the same time I think there's something overrated about holding out on sex. It places undue importance on the act itself. Which is not to say sex isn't great. It's a fabulous thing. I enjoy it immensely. But from my own experience, I can say that I felt a little let down when I gave up my virginity. I love my boyfriend very much. I felt like what we did was right for me and for us. There's no one I'd rather be with, so far as I can think of (uggh, ended with two prepositions! sorry!). But when it was all said and done, I thought, "I waited 19 years for that?" There were no rockets bursting in the sky, no flashing lights, no big ceremony. And most importantly, I didn't feel like a better or worse person because of it.

Gosh, where am I going with this???

Well, I suppose what it comes down to is that I think abstinance is a fine and dandy thing. And I think sex is fine and dandy as well. but I think we can do without all the pomp and circumstance. So long as you know what you're getting into (see: the Infamous Sex Readiness Checklist!) sex can be a great. But if all the risk and responsibility isn't for you, then there's nothing weird or wrong about abstinence.

I would like to point out to you the guidelines you agreed to when you signed up for these boards.

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Recognize that we respond to posts as quickly as possible, but do not guarantee any post will be responded to within a set period of time, or at all. Posts which exist solely to complain, potentially harm or insult our staff or readers will be removed immediately, and those who post them may have their posting privledges suspended, or may be blocked from use of the board in the future, as may users who do not follow any of these stated board guidelines.

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If you have a problem with the content of this site, then don't post, it's as simple as that. All Miz S was asking you to do was be considerate of the views that other posters might have.

There are people who will remain virgins until marriage because that's what their religious beliefs support, and who are you to tell them that they should go against those beliefs just because it's their religion that has formed them? Everyone has to make their own choices. This board does not exist to tell people what choices to make, it exists to give them the ability to make those choices in an informed way.

And as far as that comment about Brittney Spears...while I don't support or condone some of her actions, that comment was a needless streotypical comment. For years, there have been those who have said that any female who is successful must have slept her way to the top. It's attitudes like that which make getting anywhere in any business so much harder for many women.

In other words...straighten up and start playing nice. If you have any issues with this, please contact Miz Scarlet using the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of each page.

~KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Advocate

em

Follow the guidelines (you can review them here: http://www.scarleteen.com/boards/guidelines.html) and the suggestions made to you by the staff, or find your user privledges suspended.

It's up to you.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

I see virginity as something entirely optional and subjective. People have different morals and values and ideals for themselves, and will live by them as they so choose. Do I think that people as a whole are 'saving themselves' longer nowadays? Maybe. I hope it's for their own reasons, not someone else's. Thinking for oneself is good.

Celebrity role models may or may not have something to do with it, depending on the celebrity and who they're influencing to do what. There are a lot of sexually active celebs out there with fans of varying degrees of 'virtue'.

(And as someone well-versed in the history of virginity, who is very invested in the value of women being based on something other than if a penis went in an orifice, as well as a rape victim before I could make that choice, AND a bisexual, I agree with you, Laughs)

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

Having said that, as an ex-member of the Canadian music industry, I would like to point out that it is very possible to make to the big time without compromising personal values. There are honourable people, both musicians and management.

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"A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular."