BE WARNED: This post is extremely long and is mainly a rant about my life
Recently, I've been getting pretty annoyed at this girl who is the kind that attracts all the guys. She is really flirty and pretty shallow, in my opinion. She basically attracts guys by being mean to them and oh-so high maintenance. Last year, I was a freshman and I met her in indoor track. This year, we recommune in outdoor track, where she seems just so much colder and aloof with me. I think it's because within the year, I dated one of those shallow guys who are attracted to her. Thus, she lost one of her "potential" guys that she'll magically make to fall in love with her.
I guess what I'm annoyed at is that I'm considered "second-class" compared to her because she's "perfect." She's skinny and asian (which thanks to stereotypes makes her seem smart). I cut off talking to my ex-boyfriend because it made me so mad just to hear him tell on all the "good" characteristics of this girl.
Also, something that I don't understand is faking her bra size. She's skinny, and therefore has no boobs. However, she wears like a B cup and in the locker room when we're changing that poor bra is just flapping around with no boobs to fill them (literally, the bra is like 1/4 filled). My philosophy is that eventually, a guy that she snatches will see her naked and know that its all fake. And besides, there's always the danger of someone punching her (god forbid) and then watching as the bra goes in too...any other opinions on why she does this?
I had made a vow never ever to date a guy that was attracted to "that kind" of girl, but chances seem to slim now. One of my other ex's also liked one of "those girls" and I am befuddled to know why. She is also very skinny, and has a huge butt. She's also the "cute" kind with the cute sneeze (I'm not sure if you can picture that). One day in class, I watched as she was standing perfectly balanced, and suddenly falls over with a dramatic "OH!" Then 10 guys go running to her rescue and everyone's like, "oh my gosh, are you ok?!?" And she's always giggling cutely, and it just ANNOYS ME TO DEATH.
My great hatred for this shallowness doesn't exist in hardly anyone, I seem to find. I don't know where I can find a guy who likes substance, and "no-nonsense" kind of girls and sees right through those fake ones.
Anyways, this sort of reaction is the result of a long-standing problem with the inherent philosophies of our society.
On a dating note, I have had 4 boyfriends, from when I was 13 to now (I'm 15). I remember a time when I actually liked my boyfriends (that being my first one). I'm not sure if anyone will understand this, but with my first boyfriend, I felt a sort of ?passion? I don't know the word. But I longed to see him, I thought of him often, and I got butterflies when I saw him or touched him. This estatic feeling has not pervaded in my remaining 3 relationships. I have mainly taken all the guys that will have me. This is because I mainly judge myself based on what other people think of me (which isn't very good, i find). I have also "fell in love" with a guy who I knew for 2 whole days on a trip over the weekend. I flirted with him like mad, and I had never felt so much about any guy so quickly and deeply. Unfortunately nothing became of him, and from then on I also thought of him, although I had no contact with him. I know him, he knows me, and we live about half an hour away from each other, and he goes to another school.
My question is, what do you think is my problem with relationships? I have given up on finding love now. I feel out of place trying to contact this guy, because he leads his own, very different, life.
I am feeling very isolated right now, because I have few friends, and more importantly, no confidantes that I can tell my true thoughts without being alienated. Thus, I must rely on the comfort of strangers such as you guys. I give a sincere thank you for all you help ever since I'm been here.
& I LOVE ANYONE WHO HAS DEVOTED THEIR TIME TO READ ALL OF THIS!! <3
well that girl sounds EXTREMELY SUPERFICIAL! and dont worry if you arn't like her...it sounds like shes not even like her because shes fake...and you should be happy with what you have! there will ALWAYS be people like that in the world...its unfortunate but true
and c'mon you're only 15 lol there's a slim chance in finding "true love" right away I'm 14 and I've only had like 2 boyfriends in my life, and they were both stupid!, and about that boy you like, maybe if you see him again you can get his email address or something
dont worry you will find someone! you've got to stay in the game or you will never find anyone
"That Girl" may really not be all that bad. She may be shy or awkward around girls. Girls might be jealous of her for things she can't help (which really, is more alienating than flattering), like her skinniness or the presumption that she's really smart, and for her, it might be easier to hang with guys that get hung up over different things than girls do. This makes her "cold and aloof" and a "shallow flirt", but you haven't said that she's outright mean or nasty to people. She may just relate differently to boys- and if they're responding positively, there's not really anything wrong with that. I can't honestly blame her for being cold and aloof, when you hate her for such trivial things. Try talking to her, getting to know her- at worst, to at least know your enemy better if she really turns out to be as bad as you think she is.
And if she's wearing a bra that's too big and "faking" a bigger size- she isn't perfect. She has insecurities about her size, just as you have insecurities about being second rate and losing out to this girl.
In fact, those insecurities about "those girls" may be what's keeping other boys from noticing YOU. You're spending all of your time obsessing about skinny girls and girls with cute sneezes and how much they annoy you, but I promise, most males, "shallow" or not, aren't attracted to girls just because they're skinny or have cute sneezes. They're attracted to girls that are funny, entertaining, or have great personalities- girls that are attractive, for many more reasons than simply physical traits.
I think your problems- both in relationships with guys and your relationships with other girls- is that people are picking up on your insecurities. By hating people for being so superficial and shallow, you're coming off as petty and holier-than-thou, something that boys definitely notice. And while you're glaring at sneeze-girl, you're getting overlooked. If you're too caught up in hating people for qualities you neither have, nor really want to have, there's no way you're radiating confidence and self-assurance- both qualities that really are attractive, and most importantly, attract people that are worth attracting.
My advice: ease up on "those girls", either be friends with them or forget about them, and take some time to figure out who you are and what you like about yourself. You've said that you tend to view yourself in regards to what other people think about you, and that's just not cool. There is no one in the world who will know and love you like you can yourself- and as cheesy as it sounds, that is the most important relationship you'll ever have. Honestly, if you don't like yourself, why should anyone else?
I know it might not mean very much, but when I was 15, I hated my body, hated my skin, hated my hair, hated my clothes, had completely cynical and self-defeating friends, and absolutely no love for myself. If I'd had someone tell me then that in five years, I would stand in front of a public sink and have an old woman say, "Girl, you got it going on!" and that I could actually accept that compliment- I'd have never believed them. But truly, confidence is the most attractive thing about anyone. And if you're absolutely confident in yourself and who you are, "those girls" won't make a dent in your life.
-------------------- "Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try." -Homer Simpson Posts: 24 | From: Texas | Registered: Jun 2003
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I would second Eonone, you really don't know either of those girls you speak of and therefore, how do you know whether they are shallow? You might be surprised to find that neither of these girls are who you believe they are. Perhaps, if you tried to be friendly the aloof one might surprise you. Perhaps, your own inner thoughts about her are physically obvious. Our body language is very telling on how we feel towards others. You could seem just as aloof to her. I really believe that this sort of competition is useless. I know that when I was in high school, but more so in middle school, that the girls who were "popular" or most well-liked by boys were also very insecure. When you start to think about it, you are jealous of girls, who seem shallow, because they attract a lot of attention. Did you ever wonder, whether the guys in this situation might be just as "shallow"? These boys are no better and are not worth the time it takes to think about their choices for girlfriends. In the end, you can't change her nor yourself. Love who you are and embrace the differences. Try to learn how to be nonjudgmental by recognizing when you are judging others, and more importantly, comparing your self to others and then not allowing it to bother you. Ask yourself why you should compare yourself to someone else, when you are unique, everyone is unique. As for your issue with a confidante, have you thought about creating friendships with anyone you are "acquainted with", anyone you know in passing, that you think might be someone you might really enjoy being friends with? Try making a new friend and see if you can't make a wonderful bond. I'm sure you can do it "his estatic feeling has not pervaded in my remaining 3 relationships. I have mainly taken all the guys that will have me." You answered your own question, hun, you haven't found anyone as of yet because you are settling. I think you need to find a good friend and try to figure out what you need and want. Look for something inside that you are proud of and try to think of that thing when you start beating yourself up. Take time for you and look for inward confidence in your abilities. Frankly, I don't believe we every realize what love is until we become much older and wiser, basically, when our hormones even themselves out. I don't think it does you any good to worry about finding true love right now. If you meet someone that you truly care for then date them, but don't expect life long attachment. You're still so young and you have a lot of learning to do about yourself and the dynamics of others and the world at large! Personally, my high school and middle school years were not idealic and I had a lot of body issues and insecurities about who I was in relation to my peers. I, for multifaceted reasons, never had a boyfriend in high school and it never really bothered me. At the same time, I also learned to revel in my weirdness and my talents, like painting. Painting, drawing, and writing in a journal literally got me through my years in secondary education. Is there an outlet for you? Perhaps, begin a diary to have at least something to divulge your feelings to
Well, although I agree with Eonone and Echinacea, I also agree with Stephanie101.
There are always going to be girls in the world that are superficial and fake; you might as well face it now because that is never going to change. However, as Eonone said, she isnt perfect and she may have insecurities of her own, such as her small boobs. In all honesty, I have the same problem, except I am not size 0; I am self-conscious of my boob size! Furthermore, she may always flirt with all the guys because it makes her feel more secure about herself, or perhaps, maybe she justs like to flirt. Keep in mind though, just because she flirts with many guys, she may not be a bad person. A friend of mine has quite the rep of a flirt, too, and although she does flirt a lot and may sometimes seem 'perfect', she is far from it and deep down she is a kind-hearted person. It really just took time to get to know her. Lastly though, keep in mind that you are only 15. I, myself, am 15, and I have been dating a wonderful guy, whom Ive known since I was 3 and he was 5, and I do 'love him'. However, I find there is a fine line between being 'in love' and loving him. Not to say that our relationship wont turn into a lifelong marriage, but the chances of 'high school sweethearts' getting married and having a lifelong relationship are 1 in every 1000; you may want to remember that. Meanwhile, try to feel more confident in yourself (but not in a cocky way), and just be glad to have what you are blessed with. If it's meant to be, it will happen. :]
-------------------- Young and Dumb. "Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008
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