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Author Topic: I'm disturbed to say the least
AlwaysWorried
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Hi, this thread is me trying to get across what is happening in my head, it'll probably make no sense.

I have a lot of undirected hate, I think it's because I store it all up. I can take anything without blinking, but when things go past a certain point (and this is very rare), I just lash out at the last person to annoy/hurt me. I don't think that's the only place it comes from though, I always have this undercurrent of cynicism/hate/anti-authority going on, and I can't find any reason for it.

One thing I can remember that scares even me is that I fell asleep listening to Cradle of Filth's album on pretty loud. I find any sort of heavy music relaxing. Stuff like Cradle of Filth, Rammstein and Korn.

Luckily for me there are plently of targets that deserve my hate to be directed at them (eg extreme racist groups), and I will (hopefully) never meet any of them.

I'm worried about my girlfriend though, she was only on the recieving end of it once, and the arguement I caused was entirely by text and we made up after about 15 mins so it didn't affect of relationship. She understands about all this because I spent about 2 hours one night just telling her everything and she's ok with it and just lives with the odd phrase that creeps into normal life. But what if I really go at her one day? I don't think I could live with myself if I caused us to split up because she is the only person I want to be with.

I've thought of seeing some sort of counsellor, but decided it would be too complicated (try explaining to your parents just why you need to...)

Anyway, if you read this far you must be pretty bored or something, so I'll finish. If you want to comment, feel free.


Posts: 125 | From: Leicestershire, England | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Daydreamer24
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Hey AlwaysWorried,

Sorry you're always feeling this way. I think you definitely need to see a counseler (they help you to control your anger in safe ways) because they help a LOT, and I mean a LOT (for me, anyways). Just tell your parents you're having problems and they'll understand. If they ask why, tell them that you're having anger problems!

We have a section called Village People where you can start your own thread and rave and rant about daily things, or if you want it to be a consistant thing you can make a journal at Blogspot.com!

Happy blogging!

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"I'd rather be a fence post in Texas then the king of Tennessee!" -KKBQ


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Milke
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You know sometimes the music we like doesn't necessarily mean anything. I've been listening to both the White Album and Black Sabbath for years, and still haven't gone on any killing sprees. And even repeated Ratt listenings haven't pushed me over the edge. I'd say that your taste in music poses a lot more threat to your hearing than your sanity.

If you feel you handle your anger inappropriately, you've really only got so many logical choices. You can learn to deal with it by yourself (keeping a Blog or journal would help here), you can get someone to help deal with it (as Daydreamer suggested), or you can just withdraw from social situations when you feel ready to get upset. It's your choice. However you choose, though, you do have an obligation to control yourself. Failing that, you risk hurting people you care about, hurting yourself, and even getting in legal trouble. None of those are acceptable options. You might also want to consider if what you're feeling is avtually anger, or if you're misinterpreting other reactions as such.

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Milke, SSBD, RATS

Better living through Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V


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Lestat Sephiroth
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i find that when I write poetry about my feelings it helps me feel better and more calm and complete

I can understand your rage, it is like one who is trapped in a cage

learn to tap it into your spirital energies and rejoice my flower girl.

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I am like darkness, cold and unshapely, bitter and lonely. I am your ruined essence flower.

- Lestat Sephiroth


Posts: 10 | From: Transilvania | Registered: Nov 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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good old teen angst

i used to channel mine into poetry. then i became frustrated with my life and surroundings, so i channeled that energy into kicking but in school and got into a university and moved away. now i channel my angst into politics.

so far, i have managed to mostly keep it from manifesting as physical violence. but if you have a problem with expressing your angst in destructive ways, please see a counselor. after all, assault and battery charges on your record are not a good thing.

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If the shoe fits, it's probably your size.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AlwaysWorried
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I'm going to stay chill for now and keep it under control like I normally do, might think of seeing a counsellor when I go Uni, they apparently are there to sort out problems which could get in the way of your studies. As if they work.

I hate therefore I am, I am therefore I hate.


Posts: 125 | From: Leicestershire, England | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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I think it would be very wise of you to speak to someone else, someone trained in this/these area(s) to help you through your problems. Why do you have to wait for university tho?

The important thing to remember tho, is not that you're angry, but what you choose to do w/ that anger. Everyone gets angry, feels hatred, it's a normal and natural human emotion. You need to learn to channel that negative energy into something positive. For example, for these extreme rascist groups you're talking about, what do you think bringing physical harm to them is going to do? Do you think maybe there is a group you could form in your community to educate the general public about rascism?

Just something to think about. In the meantime, i think it would be way worth your wild to find a hobby, so you're not focussing so much on this anger. When i was in the very middle of my semester, swamped w/ work and assignments and tests, i grabbed a work out buddy and everyday we ran and biked and did whatever we could to burn energy, in the exercise room. It's amazing how something so many people dread, can make you feel SO much better when you're done!

And just because i feel you need it more than anything else ... *Hugs*


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AlwaysWorried
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I'm not actually going to do anything to said extremists because I hopefully won't meet them.

I have a few hobbies that got me some good friends, which helps a lot. Only one knows this stuff (because he's going through something similar but slightly more extreme and I feel I can tell him anything), but it's great just having people to mess round with, who'll accept that I won't always act how I'm expected to.


All is silent for a few precious moments,
Then suddenly an explosion across your mind,
Everything dissolves until you forget,
Who you are, who you pretend to be,
A burst of rage, like lightning through the sky,
And once again everything is quiet inside.


Posts: 125 | From: Leicestershire, England | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
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quote:
Originally posted by AlwaysWorried:
All is silent for a few precious moments,
Then suddenly an explosion across your mind,
Everything dissolves until you forget,
Who you are, who you pretend to be,
A burst of rage, like lightning through the sky,
And once again everything is quiet inside.

Lovely, lovely. But have you considered some Herb Alpert, perhaps? A choice bit of Richard Cheese? Or maybe a little Enya? It's all nice and easy on the blood pressure there, tiger.

------------------
BruinDan, "Number Three," PSOM

"Battery Stolen; Youth Charged"


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nifty
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this makes me happy when i feel angry and annoyed and stuff: its a poem by an austrailian cartoonist (he's very good!)

god
help us to live slowly,
to look softly
to move simply
to allow emptiness
to let the heart create;
amen

i like it.
hope you do


Posts: 52 | From: england | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AlwaysWorried
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I know a girl that cheers me up no matter what is wrong. She doesn't have to do anything special, if she just talks to me or walks down the coridoor at college with me I feel better.

The extra good thing is that we are both in relationships with other people and don't want to get involved with each other, so things won't change. We both know each others partners, who both accept that we are close friends.

Instance:
On thursday I was feeling really bad (gf is in another country for a week, about 3 pieces of coursework to finish, headache, generally stressed out) and she let me walk with her back to her house at dinner. We chatted on the way and when we got there and said goodbye, I felt good enough to cope with last lesson instead of going home and crashing.

She also trusts me enough to tell me private stuff about what's going on in her life and take my advice.

We've been friends for a while now (about a year or so) and we knew each other before that. I was going to ask her out at one point, but someone else did first. This meant that a few weeks later I was free to be with the girl who became my gf. Nice coincidence, not often that missing a chance works out for both of you is it? Anyway, recently we started to be more open with each other, and it's good. People are so used to us that no-one thinks it strange that we have private chats or anything.

Overall, it's a very beneficial friendship for both of us and it helps me ignore whatever I'm going through (damn hormones/stress/expectations of other people/whatever).

Has anyone else had this with someone?

On another note, can't wait for Monday when my gf gets back.


Posts: 125 | From: Leicestershire, England | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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You mean a kindred spirit?

I think that was the sort of relationship I used to have with my ex-boyfriend. We'd talk openly and at length about our feelings. I'd cheer him up if he was feeling down. We got to be very close and he'd always call me up if he was feeling down (which seemed to be pretty often).

Things didn't work out in the long run, though. Our expectations for our relationship weren't quite on the same plane, so we broke up and stopped talking to each other. He emails me every few months when he's bored. It's too bad, really.

------------------
¿Qué es el dealio?


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celery
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quote:
One thing I can remember that scares even me is that I fell asleep listening to Cradle of Filth's album on pretty loud. I find any sort of heavy music relaxing. Stuff like Cradle of Filth, Rammstein and Korn.

I've done that before, I listen to alot of punk/hard/rock, and I've even fallen asleep to Korn FULL blast on my huge stereo. So I don't think that's really a bad thing, different types of music have different effects on people.


Posts: 1000 | From: Canada | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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