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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » The Randoms » more pregnant friend (and her b/f) probs

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Author Topic: more pregnant friend (and her b/f) probs
Etch
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Member # 182

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So about 2 weeks ago my friend who is pregnant (she is 15) told her parents. Since then she has not come to school and has had very very little contact with anyone at all. On friday morning she send an email to her b/f (14) saying he has ruined her life and all her freindships and she wants nothing to do with him. This doesnt sound like anything Luara would ever say under any circumstances, but it sounds exactly like her mother. We know her mom is also pushing her to give it up for adoption.

Now i need to focus on making sure Anthony (the father to be) is ok and doesnt do anything he regrets. He has started smoking pot again after he swore he never would (his father used to smoke with him when he was younger) and he is starting to flirt with all these girls the day he gets dumped. I dont like watching my friends lives go down the drain, but i also dont kno how to help without seeming pushy...


Posts: 523 | From: Ashland, Oregon, US | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lilnerd
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In a situation like this, besides watching your friend 24/7 to make sure he doesn't smoke pot there isn't really anything you can do but support your friends. What happens to the child is up to your friend (and her family) as well as what happens with their relationship. Whatever happens, just be there for them if they need someone to talk to. That's just about the best thing you can offer.

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"Live a balanced life - Learn some and think some, and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some."
~~ Robert Fulghum, author ~~


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Heather
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Her missing school is BAD NEWS. I'm shocked that her parents would support her doing that.

You know, is it possible that you could help get them both to a pregnancy counseling center? Your friends choice really needs to be hers, not her mothers, and it sounds to me like having a space (with a qualified mediator) who could outline all of her options for her, as well as address his feelings could help a whole lot. After all, they BOTH chose not to use birth control -- not just her boyfriend, and even though he isn't carrying the baby, he has important feelings, too.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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mamaalli
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I agree with Heather. And, I have to say this again, JUST SUPPORT THEM!! Call her, don't wait for her. Just say "hey, what's up, how are you? Want to go get some tea?"

She needs to get to a crisis pregnancy center. While I normal find these centers distastful, what with they way they show the anti-abortion videos and pressure girls, I think she needs one. She has already made the choice to give birth, so that pressure would be off of her. She can get free counseling, lamaze classes...all that good stuff. Someone from the center may also be able to talk to her mom, as a professional, and show her how important it is that she has the dads support AND be able to make her own choices.

You said she also refuses to attend a teen mothers school. I have many links about the need for continuing your education after having kids, as well as links to sites that may encourage young moms. I am sure that she is feeling like a failure right now. Like, "my life is over, there is no use trying. Things won't get better. **** it." But she needs to know things WILL get better! This is where you come in. Pass on articles (again, I can send you some) buy her a pregnancy devotional book, a journal. Buy her a cute baby gift, some books that will stimulate her mind. Write her letters about how amazing you know she can be, and all the things you know she can accomplish.

Just be there.


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Etch
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The problem is it doesnt matter how much information you guys have for her anymoe... she wont answer her phone to anyone. The only contact we have is a brother who is rarely home and doesnt know whats going on. But I know she never thought she would be anything in life. Even before she got pregnant she didnt think she would ever graduate from school so she gave up. I just wish she would read her email or something. Perhaps i could get a message to her through her flaky brother.

What are those websites Mamaalli?


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Heather
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Can you just up and go to her house?

(And I agree with everything Alli said, btw)


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Lin
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I would say what your friend is going through now is fairly normal behaviour. I know I would probably do the same thing, blaming my bf, if I got pregnant.

Yea, it's immature and non sensical but I think I know where she's coming from.

I say hop up to her house and talk to her. If she doesn't wana talk, just sit there with her. I bet she knows you care and she will start responding to you one day. So just be there.

As for her bf, I would say have a good talk with him and tell him that you know he is upset but there has to be a better way to deal with those feelings than smoking pot and flirting with every girl around.

Let him know you are there if he needs someone to talk to. Gd luck hon.


Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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