Donate Now
Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile | directory login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Got Questions? Get Answers. » EXPERT ADVICE » Pregnancy Scares » My Girlfriend is late

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: My Girlfriend is late
ZLB
Neophyte
Member # 109905

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ZLB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hello,

My girlfriend's cycle is usually 31-35 days, and today is day 42 of her cycle. Her last period was February 10. Since then, we had sex once - with a condom, with no breaks, slippages, or other complications. Afterward, I filled it with water just to be sure that there were no failures in the condom and there weren't. She recently started running a lot as her soccer season started, and I know that exercise can have an effect on your period. She's also been stressing a lot about her period and other things on top of that, and I'm also aware that that can have an effect on her period as well. I understand that a pregnancy test would be the next step, but is it really necessary? Without a condom break, how likely is it that anything is out of the ordinary here?

She's also described to me that recently (within the last two days) that she's had white discharge much like what she gets prior to her period. What's up with that? Anything to worry about here?

Thanks a ton. I'm extremely nervous about having her take a pregnancy test as I don't know how I would handle the 15 minute wait.. It would be too much for me. I am a pretty anxious person already and have gotten some anxiety attacks from this whole ordeal as it is.

[ 03-24-2014, 11:45 PM: Message edited by: ZLB ]

Posts: 9 | From: Midwest | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Redskies     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Welcome to the boards.

With correct usage of a condom and no breaks, pregnancy is unlikely. The recent changes in her routine are the most likely cause of your girlfriend's late period.

If she's experiencing discharge that she usually gets just before a period, that suggests her period is on its way.

If your girlfriend is concerned that her period hasn't come yet, we'd suggest she takes a pregnancy test just to be sure. It's not usually a 15-minute wait: anyone taking a test should follow the instructions that come with that test, but the waiting time is usually somewhere between two and five minutes. We understand that it can feel nerve-wracking, but truly, taking action and knowing for sure feels much better than ongoing what-if anxiety.

It sounds as if you feel that you're unable to deal with any possibility of pregnancy. If that's the case, or simply that you have this amount of anxiety, do you think it might be better for you to not do the things that can cause pregnancy, at least until you feel better able to deal with your anxiety?

Have you been getting healthcare for your general anxiety?

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1785 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Redskies     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Also, there isn't a need to fill condoms with water after use. If a condom breaks, it'll be obvious. Filling them with water can actually make them spring a leak, because they're not designed to withstand that, and just cause you unnecessary worry.

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1785 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ZLB
Neophyte
Member # 109905

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ZLB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank you so much for a response. I feel as if my worry is irrational, as I'm not really sure how any semen would have been exposed to her whatsoever - but my anxiety just keeps telling me "what if?". Again, thank you, and I suppose we'll take a pregnancy test in the near future if her period doesn't come. I haven't really experienced this kind of anxiety before, so treatment hasn't been necessary. As for the filling the condom with water, I will discontinue that practice.
Posts: 9 | From: Midwest | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Redskies     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You said you were a pretty anxious person - if that's something that ever causes you difficulty, distress, or disrupts your life, then seeking healthcare for it is an option that might be beneficial for you.

For people who really do not want to become pregnant or co-create a pregnancy, we suggest either using two methods of contraception so that the chance of pregnancy is tiny, or for people who don't feel comfortable with even a tiny chance, we suggest not doing the things that can cause pregnancy. What do you think you need in order to feel secure and not anxious?

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1785 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ZLB
Neophyte
Member # 109905

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ZLB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I may be completely and totally wrong, but aren't condoms - if used correctly, and without any breakages - pretty effective? I understand the whole doubling up of contraceptives, but her mom doesn't want her on the pill. I think it would be beneficial for my anxiety and it would help to regulate her period.

I think maybe we should just take a break from things that could cause pregnancy. Right now, a negative pregnancy test or her period would definitely quell my anxiety.

Two questions quickly...
First, would it be relevant to mention that her period was also late this time last year when her physical activity was elevated as well?

Second, what are your qualifications? I don't mean that menacingly, I just know better than to trust the internet as an irrefutable source and I would feel much more secure if I knew your credentials. I'm not saying I'm expecting you to be a doctor, by any means, but just knowing that you aren't another 18 year old behind a computer screen would be nice!

Thank you, again. I appreciate your volunteer work here.

Posts: 9 | From: Midwest | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ZLB
Neophyte
Member # 109905

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ZLB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Also, how common is it for a period to be late? I understand that it's different for every woman, but in this situation, how alarming is it that her period is late? Were you extremely concerned when you read my initial post?

Excuse my rambling...

Posts: 9 | From: Midwest | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sam W     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Yes, condoms are very effective on their own, but another method helps bring the risk level down even lower. You can read more about that here:
The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method


Late periods are not uncommon (and it sounds like she has experienced irregular cycles before), and can happen for many reasons, and you can read about that here:
M.I.A or, Dude, Where's My Period?

Posts: 1288 | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 79774

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Redskies     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You can read about the Scarleteen organisation here: http://www.scarleteen.com/about_scarleteen and who we are here: http://www.scarleteen.com/the_scarleteen_staff_volunteers .

I, personally, am not 18 any more, but it wouldn't be a problem if I were. What's important is someone's expertise and their ability to listen and communicate, rather than raw age. Quality peer education has always been an important part of Scarleteen [Smile]

--------------------
The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1785 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ZLB
Neophyte
Member # 109905

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ZLB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank you, Redskies. Would you mind answering these questions for me?

How common is it for a period to be late? I understand that it's different for every woman, but in this situation, how alarming is it that her period is late? Were you extremely concerned when you read my initial post?

Posts: 9 | From: Midwest | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sam W     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hi ZLB,

It looks like Redskies is out for the day (they may check back in later).

As you read in the M.I.A article, late or irregular periods are normal. We can't exactly give you a number or a percentage for how common it is, but in the situation you're describing it doesn't sound like cause for concern (especially since it sounds like she is getting symptoms that she usually has before she gets her period). So, while I can't speak for Redskies reaction, I did not feel concerned reading your initial post. But, as we've said, we can't guarantee that she isn't pregnant because this kind of sex, even with a condom, does pose a (very small) risk.

At this point, the two options are to a)wait for her period to arrive or b) take a pregnancy test. And since you are feeling concerned, what do you think would help you feel less anxious?

[ 03-25-2014, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

Posts: 1288 | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ZLB
Neophyte
Member # 109905

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ZLB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank you for the response Sam. I guess I was just looking for some reasonable voice to tell me that my fears were largely unwarranted. Your help, along with the help given by Redskies, has really helped my anxiety.

I do understand that pregnancy is a possibility, albeit small, but I don't think that that is what's causing her late period. It just doesn't make sense to me to worry as much as I was over a condom that didn't break. I also know what her not being pregnant is something you can't guarantee, as any vaginal intercourse holds some risk. I think it's unnecessary to worry about though.

Sometimes my anxiety comes back when I realize the repercussions that a pregnancy would have on my life, but I can usually make it subside.

I will be back to let you know when/if her period comes... Again, thank you for your help. A reassuring voice that my worry was not necessary is nice.

Posts: 9 | From: Midwest | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ZLB
Neophyte
Member # 109905

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ZLB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Would you be worried if you were me?
Posts: 9 | From: Midwest | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 66249

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Jacob at Scarleteen     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey ZLB,

I just want to question 'reassurance' here a bit. If you're experiencing persistent worries about things that you know aren't significant risks... then I'd say the problem here isn't going to be knowing or not knowing the facts... or even hearing what a reasonable reaction might be.

Really you have to be your own source of reassurance, as a long term goal. Us, or anyone else, isn't really helping, by trying even it feels like it. I bet if it does feel good, that it doesn't last long, right? (I'm seeing a few hours gap between your past two posts!)

It's not something that we can spend our time on, especially knowing that it can't help.

How much have you thought about seeking help with your mental health? If you wanted to talk about that we could probably help with a few pointers.

[ 03-29-2014, 08:59 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

Posts: 692 | From: Leeds UK | Registered: May 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ZLB
Neophyte
Member # 109905

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ZLB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I came here because I don't know much about what to look for. I came here because I knew that I could talk to people who absolutely know more than I do, and I know that regardless, I would benefit from the interaction. I apologize if it is wasting your time asking, but I really would like to know if it's reasonable to be worried about a pregnancy at this point. Her period is still nowhere to be found - at day 50.

Thank you, Jacob, for the response and I understand where you're coming from. I don't know if I should be worried or not, and that is why I ask.

Posts: 9 | From: Midwest | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sam W
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 108189

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Sam W     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Again, we can't offer any more reassurance or information than we already have on this front. If her period is still missing and she is feeling anxious, then taking a test is the only way to rule out pregnancy entirely.

I just want to echo Jacob's point about looking into mental health care, especially if you are someone who experiences recurring anxiety. Do you have access to those types of services?

You may also want to take a look at this piece. It's not meant to take the place of professional help, but it does have good strategies for helping soothe one's own anxiety: Self-Care a La Carte

[ 04-01-2014, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: Sam W ]

Posts: 1288 | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ZLB
Neophyte
Member # 109905

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ZLB     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
All I'm really looking for is whether or not you would be worried, if you were me. I will take a look at the article.
Posts: 9 | From: Midwest | Registered: Mar 2014  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.

Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3