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Author Topic: Rape
Cassandra85
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I'm kind of scared of writing this, but I realise the reason I'm scared probably means I need to get some stuff off my chest, so I'll try.

I was abused by a friend when I was 9. That's never bothered me much (though I've begun to see more how it's affected me)until I was raped a few months ago.

In a way, I was raped twice in the space of a month, but then this is debatable because I did say yes to the first instance. I'd gone back to a friends place after a drunken night and I woke up to him having sex with me. I didn't fancy him one bit, and he wasn't much of a catch. I didn't want to have sex with him but I just somehow figured (and I have no idea how) that I just may as well go along with it because that's surely easier than admitting to being wasted and passing out and not remembering how this all started. I can't even fathom now how I came to this decision, but I did. Anyway I tried my very best to forget about this. I really get the creeps when I think about it.

Anyway, the second round was one of my best friends, who had stayed over loads before and I'd never worried, or had reason to be, he was a good friend. One night, after drinking, I told him about this first guy. I told him that I'd just gone along with it because I didn't want to be the girl that cried rape, and that I couldn't really cry rape now anyway because I'd agreed - the jist was that I was seriously confused and upset over it. He was supportive, a good friend. I woke up half an hour later to him having sex with me.

What pisses me off is that I did basically nothing. I said I didn't remember this beginning, and I was sure I didn't want it to happen. He said he was sure I'd agreed, and manipulated my hands and continued. I persisted in saying (blurrily, I'm sure) that I didn't want it to happen, and I tried to move away but he moved too. Anyway, I should have hit him. I should have screamed, I should have ******* killed him but I didn't. I just felt heavy and confused. After some period of time, I don't know how long, it just clicked in my head and I ran to get my housemate who kicked him out of our house.

I tried to tell the police, mainly to get counselling, but all I really got was a bunch of people interrogating me and telling me maybe I didn't know how it happened, or that because I said "okay" to the first guy it wasn't rape, (and I still don't know, I don't know if I care? I just want to put it behind me) and that maybe if I really didn't scream NO at the 2nd guy maybe it was unavoidable. It was such a pain and I really couldn't deal with it, so I gave that up. I tried counselling through my doctor but the woman was just not very clued up. I know what good counselling can do as I used to have it when I was younger, and it's held me in good stead for having a good head about me for the future, just now I feel something I've never felt before. Well, I thought I'd never felt it but then I realised that my reactions to certain situations and emotions and things are a lot like those produced from being abused when I was younger. I think I've been ignoring a lot of stuff my whole life and never realising because I never told anyone about the early stuff.

I've told a couple of my friends, and my boyfriend who is a complete angel and listens to anything and everything. I've also lost a best friend over it all, who refuses to talk to me now, but what I gather is that he thinks I shouldn't have told others. I feel right in my decision to tell other people who socialise with or work with this guy because in that way I can protect them to the best of my ability. I have informed them, and they can make their choice to continue to socialise with him or not.

I read a list of things like "I should have... etc" posted on here, and I am so glad someone actually said all these things I was thinking. I feel somewhat ungrateful whingeing here when I have a couple of good friends to talk to and a fantastic boyfriend, but I haven't told anyone about what actually happened before the second bloke.

I feel confused about pretty much everything. I've read a lot and I understand how I'm going to get through it, talking is okay with some people, thinking about it and admitting it to myself is getting easier, trying not to kick myself for not doing anything because I know neither of these situations should have happened in the first place, especially the second where I know I made efforts to stop what was happening. It's so nice to hear someone say that just because I didn't say anything straight away that doesn't make it consensual. It's simple but it's refreshing.

I also feel a bit sick that I ever had any male-dominated fantasies ever, and though I still want to occasionally I feel like I'd be letting the side down, or something. Even if it's in a safe and consensual environment and all that. Though I have had sex with my boyfriend and it's a relief to enjoy my body, and for him to do so, in a loving way. Sometimes though I'll get fixed on what happened and it'll become extremely weird having sex and thinking about it.

Does it get easier? Do the thoughts stop coming up when you least want them? Where the hell do I get my self esteem back from? How do I stop the nightmares? I really don't particularly feel like sharing this with a lot of people. Maybe that means I am not as over it as I'd like to think. I've tried meditating but I really do seem to sometimes have this huge block that just stops me really thinking about it even if I try. How can I just 'incorporate' something like this into my life?

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Heather
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Cassandra: I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time, and I'm also sorry you've had to live through more than one sexual assault. I know how hard that can be.

before we talk about anything else, have you ever sought out any counseling from a rape/assault counselor specifically? If not, would you be open to that?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cassandra85
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No, I haven't. I don't know if I'd be up for it - mainly just because it's so hard to find someone you get on with, you know? I've found often counselling too much like lots of umming and ahhing and "so how does that make you feel" and it's not for me. Though, like I say, I have had amazing counselling that's really served me well.
Practically, too, it'd be quite complicated because I move around a fair bit.

I do feel like I can work through this under my own steam (I didn't even plan on posting this but this website is just really savvy and I thought I should give it a shot).
I had a counselling session last week and it just didn't feel right. I can't be doing with writing down lists of my emotions, you know?

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Heather
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One thing to know is that counseling that's specifically for survivors tends to be a bit different than general therapy. And the UK has some really excellent survivor centres and resources.

By all means, there's no one right path to healing for everyone, so while counseling usually tends to be very helpful for survivors (more often than not), that doesn't mean you NEED it to heal or move forward, or that there can't be other equally good paths for you.

So, does it get easier? For most of us, yes, but it gets easier as we heal more and more. It's great you've already done what sounds like some good reading in support of you, and have gotten some clear, supportive messages, which you've taken in. But it usually does take a bit more than that, and the other thing it tends to take is time, sometimes an awful lot of it, alas.

With nightmares or flashbacks, "stopping them" generally isn't something we can practically do, because we have little to no control over our unconscious. But we can certainly do some things that can help us to manage them, and our healing will tend to help them decrease in frequency and intensity over time. This is one area where counseling can often really help, but other options can be keeping a dream journal or doing other creative work to work all of that out, bodywork (like therapeutic massage) to help with body memories, as well as coming up with ways of managing triggers and feeling triggered after nightmares or flashbacks, be that with movement, saying words to yourself..a lot of different possibilities. Even rearranging a bedroom can help sometimes. Have you done any reading per books around healing?

Per your self-esteem, can you maybe fill me in a bit more on how you're feeling around that and what you've been doing to help yourself in that department? Post-rape, have you continued to do the things you enjoyed before that made you feel good about yourself? Sometimes we stop doing those things, especially with depression around rape.

You asked a lot in there, so how about we start with these things, and then you can also keep asking other things you want/need to around what I didn't cover?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cassandra85
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Well, I'm not sure about triggers, I had a freak out just after it'd happened because my friend said something that I recognised and I got pretty hysterical; that won't happen now, I mean, I don't really have any triggers?
I have the pants I was wearing in my room still. I washed them about 5 times but I didn't want to throw them out because it seemed like a waste of a perfectly good pair of pants. I haven't worn them though...

I haven't read extensive literature around healing but I've spent the day pretty much reading around different sites on the internet. I'm getting to grips with it more than I was, that's for sure.

Self-esteem wise I just feel like a bit of an idiot. I got (arguably) raped by two "friends", lost a "friend" through his ignorance etc. They seem to be dropping like flies and I feel it's presumably because I made poor character assessments in the first place and because they had no respect for me. I'm trying to make sure I don't feel these kinds of things with my friends at the moment, but even though they are my friends and I do trust them I am a little scared of... well, social interaction sometimes!
I'm still doing plenty of things I enjoy and I still have friends and go to parties and have a great time, but then sometimes I just flip out and cry or get scared or have nightmares. I can get really tense too, I just clench my muscles and kind of withdraw. It's weird.

I'd love to say also that this website gives me a bunch of hope for all these people. It's so lovely to see somewhere people can actually talk about what they're scared of or worried about safely.

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Heather
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Cassandra: I'm afraid my timing is cruddy right now, as I'm about to head off for the night. Hopefully, you're okay with us continuing this conversation some more tomorrow.

It does actually sound as if you might be getting triggered in some instances, and maybe just aren't getting what I mean when I talk about triggers? For instance, it may even be that right now, some kinds of social interaction are a trigger for you, which is certainly understandable.

But in the meantime, I want to leave you with a couple of things to read. If you've managed to find them in your 'net travels already, sorry for the reruns, but hopefully there are a couple of fresh things here for you. Sorry, again, for crap timing, but I'll be around most of the day tomorrow, and would be happy to talk with you as much as you'd like.

• http://www.pandys.org/articles/copingstrategies.html
• http://www.aaets.org/article178.htm
• http://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/my_best_friend_raped_me_last_year_and_im_just_starting_to_deal_with_it

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
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(FYI, turns out I have a little more time than I thought. So, if you're still around, I can talk more.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cassandra85
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Sorry, I went to bed too!

I understand what you mean, maybe I should spend a while trying to work them out?

The thing is, when I get scared of social interaction that isn't so much of a situation where I'm set off into a panicky episode or a flashback, I'm just worried about trust and what these people think of me. Is that the same thing as being triggered? I know I wouldn't feel this if the rape stuff hadn't happened but I don't see it as a 'trigger' per se.

Similarly, when I think about it too much it makes me feel uncomfortable or I cry or something, obviously I should be able to think about it without breaking down (and I can sometimes) but again - it's not like I've been 'triggered', I'm just thinking about it.

I don't really understand how to 'deal with' all this stuff. I read in the article you linked (by the way, I'd not read any of them and they cleared up a lot of things I'd been thinking about - thank you) that one cannot just 'put it aside' but rather 'wade through it', and I don't know if I understand what you mean, or how to do that. I know what happened, I think I understand it, I can rationalise (now) a lot of the issues it caused originally, and now I just feel like I should be able to put it behind me.

I don't know. I feel like I'm ready to put it away but then sometimes it bites me in the ***. (so to speak)

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Heather
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In order to move forward, we have to first start to heal and keep healing. And that means processing through a lot of our feelings, usually for a considerable period of time. We can't just "put away" trauma in our lives, or any kind of big experience.

To better explain that, let me try putting this in a different context for you from my own life. When I was seven, half my right hand was severed. Obviously, I had physical healing I had to do with that: surgeries, learning to adapt, dealing with the pain of physical healing, etc.

But I also had a host of things I had to deal with for a long time, like worries about doing anything with my hands that could hurt them. I got that injury one of the very first times I was allowed to go take a long walk by myself, so I even had some triggers/fears around independence. Seeing hand injuries happen in movies or almost happen in life was very hard for me. Seeing people with hands that were whole and fully functioning was very hard for me.

That's the tip of the iceberg, but the point is that getting through all of that and more was and still is a process. It took time, it took a lot of working through my own feelings, it took practice, it took taking a lot of extra emotional care of myself. It was not only a very traumatic experience in the moment it happened, it also changed my life and my sense of self in a lot of ways at the time and ever after. I could not have "put it behind me," because it was then part of who I was and my life history, and dealing with all of what it entailed also wasn't something I'd be able to just get over in a few months. (Same goes with my own sexual assaults.)

Do you get what I mean?

Triggers, said most simply, are anything that happens to or around us which elicit memories of, reactions to, or feelings about a traumatic event.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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Hi I don't know where to turn so I thought I'd try here for some help. It all started 5 years I was on a night out with some friends and we all argued I left a place where we were all at, on the way home I could sense some1 was watching me. I was about 5 min from my house when I could feel some1 pulling on my coat and with that I fell over. The next thing I knew I was being pulled down a lane.

All I could see was a man standing there with this funny look in his eyes. At 1st I thought it was 1 of my friends messing about tryin to scare me , but then the man orderd me to perform oral sex on him by this point I was shakin and started to cry. What I ever o said to the man he just laughed and said it was my fault and I haf to what he said. Arête I performed the oral sex he them raped my vaginal and anal. After he finished he told me if I ever told amnyone he would kill me and said it wasy fault he done what he did to me.
About 6 weeks after the rape I realised my period was late and I done a test which confirmed my worse fear I was pregnant and it had to b his child. I'm sorry if none of this makes any sense but I'm tyin it as I remeber.

Iv never been able to report the rape as I feel it was my fault and now when I look at my son growin up I'm finding it harder not to think about what was done to me. My son is my life but I can't help feelin guilty that be will never know his dad. And it is all my fault

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Cj

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Heather
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Cj: I'm tremendously sorry this man did this to you, but I'm so glad you survived it and are still here, and that you're able to talk about it.

The person whose fault rape is is the person who rapes someone, not the person who was raped. No matter how many rapists say it's a victim's fault -- which they do to try and silence victims so they don't get caught and have to be responsible for what they did -- it will STILL always be their fault.

If an analogy helps, if we're walking down the street and some guy comes up and just punches me in the face, is it my fault for walking on the street, or his fault for choosing to punch me?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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Thankyou for responding I just didn't think any1 would answer back. I sort of understand it's not my fault but I still keep thinking if only I had done something different about that night I wouldn't have been attacked omg I can't even say the word now my stomach is full of butterflys. I feel pyhsically suck just thinking about it. The only good thing that came out of that night is the fact that I have a healthy child. But then it's the constant reminder if what I went through to. I'm glad I can say I'm a survivor bur yet I'm still a victim.

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Cj

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Karybu
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Cj, have you ever had any sort of counseling or therapy to help you work through this? If you like, we can help you find some resources in your area.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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Heather
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I don't think there's a single one of us that doesn't go through that endless circle of "If I'd just...." about a MILLION times.

But the truth is, what happened, happened. And how we reacted in the moment was the way we reacted as best we could then, and usually under the limitations set up by the person or people who abused and assaulted us.

Healing from any kind of trauma, including sexual assault, is a lifelong process. No one is just done at any point, and there is no one right route or path, it's different for everyone.

You've been able to survive and be someone's active parent. That, all by itself, is pretty amazing, you know. [Smile]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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no karybu never had any sort of counselig iv been to ashamed to tell any1. i found ithard to take the 1st step amd write on here what i had gone through.

I hope now that iv told some1 that i will be able to tell my family, i just hope that they will not reject my son who is nearly 4 when i tell them as they think he was conceived on 1 night stand and they found that hard so im dreading telling them he was actualy concieved through rape.

thankyou so much fro listening to me.

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Cj

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Heather
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Has your family generally been emotionally supportive for you and your son, Cj?

Also, do you want any resources for counseling? The UK actually has some excellent rape crisis and counseling services, most of which are free.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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my family has been supportive so far but i dont think they would be so supportive if they found out the truth and yes please to the resources for counseling

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Cj

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Heather
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Do you want to fill me in on why you think they wouldn't be supportive? Might you be assuming that they'll blame you just because you blamed yourself?

In general, families who are loving and supportive don't tend to do that. In a situation like this, what more often seems to be the hard part for families is feeling sad or guilty or just heartbroken that the person disclosing rape didn't feel able to disclose earlier, because they wouldn't have wanted you to suffer in silence or feel they'd not support you. That's not the case with every family, but it does seem to be a common thread.

In the last couple years, I just had an experience like that myself, disclosing details of some abuse that happened in my home to my mother. She had VERY hard feelings about it, but mostly because she felt guilty, she felt responsible, because she was angry with herself, et cetera. All the same, she was very supportive of me, even though in early parts of my life, we did not have that kind of relationship at all.

For counseling, I don't know what part of Wales you're in, but I'd start by making a call here, where they can no doubt help you find something close to where you are:

North Wales Rape & Sexual Abuse Support Centre
PO Box 87
CAERNARFON
GWYNEDD
LL55 9AA
Area: Wales Helpline: 01286 669266
Helpline Opening Hours:
Monday – Friday & Sunday 7pm-9pm. Also, covered during office hours.
Email: info@rasawales.org.uk
Web: http://www.rasawales.org.uk
Fax: 01286 678257 Phone Number(s):
01286 669267
We provide support, counselling, accompanying to court, hospital etc, information and signposting, awareness raising and educational workshops, volunteer training and student counsellor placements.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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Thankyou I'll give them a go. and yes u are right because I feel this guilt that it's my fault that it happend to me I feel that they would say the same thing. I think I kept it all in for nearly 5 years that because of this guilt and emarresment of the rape that had happend to me I did try once to end my life but then I looked at my son and thought I can't leave him without a mum if it wasn't for him I could honestly say I really don't think I would b here today .

I will take what u have said and listen to you and try not to blame myself anymore and no longer class myself as a victim but I will look at it as I'm a survivor

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Cj

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Heather
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Well, *I* think you're amazing.

I hope it works out well for you, and if you want help knowing how to open that conversation, happy to do what we can. We're also around for any support you need through this process.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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Hi just to say I contacted the people they seem real nice on the phone they are goin to send me out some information they also told me the same as u that I am a survivor of the abuse/rape I suffered but I think it is goin to take some time before I think I'm a survior.

I'm hopin to meet up with a councillor soon and I'm hoping that will help me overcome or at least help me in believing in myself again and realise the only way is forward now and no looking back over my shoulder any more.

I would like tinder thankyou for being here and helping me taking the 1st step to saying what happend to me and showing me that there is support out there for me xx

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Cj

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Concealed Weapon
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Consent is impossible if you were asleep. If you woke up to someone having sex with you, you were raped. Even if you said yes afterward, it is still rape because the affirmative answer must be given before the sex starts in order for it to be valid.
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Heather
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Cjmammy: I'm so glad you were able to make a good contact!

I'm so glad to be of any help, and you're welcome to talk here with us anytime you want or need to. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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I spoke to the only person I thought I could trust today and all they said was I must have asked for what happend to omg that is like being raped and assaulted all over again i wish I hadn't said anything know I feels alone in this I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I thought it would get easier if I spoke about it but it's just gettin harder

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Cj

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Heather
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I'm so sorry that's what happened, Cjmammy. I know what you mean about that feelings like being assaulted again: it really can.

I'm traveling back home today, so I won't be able to talk with you as much as I'd like about this, but one thing to try and remember -- and I know it's hard when we're hurting -- is that we live in a world where MANY people have not examined their ideas and attitudes about sexual violence.

There are many reasons someone will say/think something like that: because they have not been good about others boundaries with sex, because they're afraid of being assaulted and want to think they (and others) can somehow avoid being assaulted by behaving certain ways, because they have false ideas about gender....the list goes on and on and on.

I know it's probably not that meaningful right now, but over time, as we get stronger and we know our own truths more solidly, reactions like that tend to carry less and less weight.

I'm going to link you to something I wrote when dealing with harsh reactions a few years back, in hopes that'll help you a little here:

• http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather_corinna/2008/04/07/the_revolution_will_be_televised_and_ill_find_a_way_to_be_okay_with_

(I'll be back in my office tomorrow, and I have work piled up there, but I can make time during the day to talk as much as you'd like if you're going to be around.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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I would like to speak more , but I don't want any1 taking time out of there daily job to so it's not fair I just feel like I shouldn't have said anything and just kept quiet.

I hope u have a safe journey back home x

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Cj

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Heather
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Hey, this IS my daily job. [Smile] So, by all means, this is the place to say things, and you're not doing anything besides using a resource for what it's meant to be used for. [Smile]

I'm just not available right now, but will be again very soon, when we can talk all you'd like.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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Ok thank you very much [Smile]

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Cj

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Cjmammy
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hi just to say i heard off my counillor today and we are hopin to meet up by the middle of next week, im starting to get scared now as on how im goin to start the conversation. im hopin that this works now. ty for ur advice heather [Smile]

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Cj

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Heather
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Don't worry about starting the conversation: that's the counselor's job! They're trained to make this as easy on you as possible, and to facilitate the conversations so that you just don't have to worry about that. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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I'm really worrying about it but u think it's my nerves that are gettin the Betta of me I should be ok I just don't want to break down to the point where I don't think i can stop cryin sorry if I make no sense :/

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Cj

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Heather
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You know, even if that is what happens -- and you know, sometimes it can when we finally find ourselves in a safe space where we feel we CAN have that kind of reaction -- a counselor is equipped to deal with that and to help you deal with that.

They can also help you process that and re-gather yourself so that you don't leave feeling like you're still falling apart and are unable to do what you need to do in your daily life.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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I know they have probably spoken to loads of rap victims/survivors, and I know that they are trained but I also think it the fear of the not knowing how I'm goin to deal with it.

I'm finding it harder as the days go on to deal with things there are a number of times iv felt that I could just walk away from my life and start some where else and I even thought of walkin out of my sons life even though I love him so much. I get this idea in my head that if I'm not in his life then he would never need to know the truth about his dad , because when he's older and starts askin about him what am I suppose to tell him [Frown] This is getting do hard

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Cj

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Heather
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It's pretty common that once a silence on any kind of trauma, very much including rape trauma, is broken, some floodgates open. It's also common for that to be pretty hard and to feel really scary. That kind of tossing parts of your life or feelings all over the place? Also common.

Of course, it being common still doesn't mean it's easy.

One thing I'd suggest you do is remind yourself that whatever feelings you have around this are okay. Even the feelings you're having about your son are okay: they're feelings, after all, not actions, and it's certainly understandable to feel stressed and scared and worried about the day you'll need to disclose to him.

There's the most wonderful scene in the film North Country, which is based on a real woman's real story about sexual harassment in a mine in Minnesota. In the film, this woman also became pregnant through a violent rape, and struggles with some of the feelings you're having. In the scene I'm referencing, she discloses to her son, which is really powerful and real and poignant. he has a hard time with it, but one of the things she tells him is that he was the only good thing to come out of something so terrible, and how that terrible thing had absolutely nothing to do with him, because while the terrible thing was done to her, and wasn't her doing, he was and is something that is very much her own, which was powerful for her.

I found the scenes around it very triggering, but if it's a film you can find, I think you might find that scene helpful.

Do you want to talk more about what talking to him might be like and what you think you'd want to say?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Cjmammy
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i will have to see if i can get that film and watch it. i think im scared that if he finds out the truth years down the line he will hate me for letting it happen.

i spoke to my health visitor today about whats been goin on and i found it helped she has also put me intouch with councillors that seemed real nice on the phoen they are also goin to be phoning me everyday as of next monday to make sure im ok and to see if i ned to talk anything over before i meet them onthe 19th.

i feel as if a lid on a box is now starting to lift on my emotions, i did not think i could cry anymore but when the health visitor spoke to me today i just couldnt stop crying and it might sound nuts but it was a nice feelin to have that comfort hand placed on my shoulder and told that you as in me have nothing to be embarresed or ashamned for as it was not my fault which im find it hard to beleive as i am costantly thinking that i must have done or sadi something it. but i hope to get over that stage soon and hopefully realise that it was NOT my fault.

i cant tell you how much it means to me that i can write things on here and have a reply i thnk it is helping me loads thankyou so much x

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Cj

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